so mentally unstable or just emotionally drained?
You know, it's fucking odd, I've been off my medication for so long now - It's not until the past three months that I have had to question my sanity once again.
Do I seriously have bipolar disorder?
I
I actually doubted this for a good long while... I seriously believed that it was all due to someone else's problem (spiritual)... Not only did I believe this but
the person who had the problem told me so! They told me that the reason I did what I did (slit my wrist, burnt down my house... went fucking insane) was
because a a spiritual problem they were having. I was so ready to believe that I honestly didn't have a mental disorder that I jumped for it... How fucking dare
them be so cruel!
Here I am again, feeling as though I am coming down off of the greatest high I've ever been on in my life and the only thing that keeps running through my mind
is "Could I actually have bipolar disorder? If I do, could this have triggered a downwards spiral effect?" ... If the answer is "Yes." then I am pretty fucking screwed.
You want to know what else is "funny"? The fact that my "friends" (the people involved in my current situation) won't even give a rat's ass... more than likely they
if they even read this they will just pass it off as nothing. Fuck those bastards who claim that they were ever my friends - they are the very reason I am starting
to feel like this again. That and the fact that I was able to let my guard down, love again, and now my love is being ripped from me like so sort of fucked-up game.
I feel like I am right back in the middle of the Brandon situation, but with a whole new set of obstacles and tragedy.
I fucking hate the way I feel. I know that it will pass, "This too shall pass", but right now and probably for a pretty good while (seeing how all my friend's are backstabbing
bastards!) I only see dismal rays. The light I know that is inside of me still warms my core, the very hidden, very essence of my existence. Because of my faith
I will be able to tread this path.
Alone
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These lyrics explain how I am feeling at the present moment - Three days grace lyrics for Animal I've become
I can't escape this hell So many times I've tried But I'm still caged inside Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself So what if you can see The darkest side of me No one would ever change this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal (this animal x's 2) I can't escape myself So many times I've lied But there's still rage inside Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself So what if you can see The darkest side of me No one would ever change this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal Somebody help me through this nightmare I can't control myself Somebody wake me from this nightmare I can't escape this cell This Animal x's 7 So what if you can see The darkest side of me No one would ever change this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal This animal I have become.