Why even make promises?
Originally published at Morbid Romantic. You can comment here or there.
Question: WHY do people make promises that they have no intention whatsoever of keeping?
Isn’t it easier to just not make a promise? And if you are going to make a promise, at least make an equal effort to REMEMBER it. Not every promise made can be followed through with, I realize and understand this, but at least acknowledge it. It exposes how empty a promise is when you don’t even remember it not even a day after it was made.
And this isn’t the first time he has done it.
Let me explain.
Just last night, because I had to sit in a bullshit bar breathing in cigarette smoke, Alfred promised to take me somewhere today to do something that I like to do. It’s sort of a ‘you spend an hour in this bar being miserable and we can spend an hour tomorrow doing what you want.’ He promised this in the parking lot. Yet today, when we woke up, he had conveniently forgot it and spent the entire day playing computer games. I waited until about 5:30, thinking to myself, “Maybe we’ll go out before he takes me home. I’ll wait until dinner is over and see what he says.” Because, even though he hadn’t mentioned it all day, I figured I’d give him the benefit of the doubt.
Nothing.
I questioned him subtly, seeing if he remembered. I asked him about going to the grocery store (because for some odd reason, he wanted me to go to the store with him, which I hate but do anyway) before or after he drops me off at home. I wanted to see if maybe he would mention what he had promised we’d do today, like, “Well, first we’ll go out and then go to the store and home.” Something to that effect.
Nope.
Just, “The store and then take you home.”
That’s when I realized he had really forgotten what he had promised me the night before. This isn’t the first time. He’s always forgetting. And it’s not that I didn’t get to do what I wanted today. My hurt isn’t over that. I’m hurt because I realize that he made a promise last night that wasn’t even worth remembering. Making me happy by keeping a promise wasn’t even worth remembering.
Thank GOD my mother will have a room reserved for me in her new house. I can’t be with someone who is nothing but disappointment and broken promises. I don’t want expensive presents. What I do want is to know that I can rely on someone, that when something is said and promised, it will be done. I want to know that promises to me are worth remembering and keeping.
It’s so disappointing to know that I’m not worth that to him.
The next time he makes another promise to me, I think I’ll just end up screaming. Fuck him and his bullshit promises.