Bye bye fb?
Spoons, I ain't got them. And it's been nice being away from my phone more. Man so much has happened. I will be writing this tonight and tomorrow morning.
Today was a new experience, boring, but cool. I was at jury selection. I kinda wanted to do it but had empathy sickness. I'm just glad I'm over eclipse sickness. I slept all afternoon, and I have plenty to do. The trial is a murder trial and as cool as it would have been, it was a big deal and a big responsibility with me seeing things and hearing about them. Basically this man murdered his wife. If anyone reading wants to look it up it was Elizabeth "Nikki" Wilhoite. Since I wasn't selected I went home and yes, had to do the fb dive, but looked all the things up.
I went to Jamie's and am grateful Lily didn't go. I couldn't tell her I went back to John, and her comments, the memories flooded back, her talking about her recent experience and me relating and her telling me she would always dislike him for that made me realize...it was bad, really bad. I came to work with bruises, I was terrified of him constantly (he emotionally tortured me). I was so dead set on no, how does he do this to me? How does he convince me? Is it manipulation? Me letting him know I couldn't do it went as well as you think. We are on now but now it's all Jamie's fault.
Morning coffee. Finally. Saturday was David's first real date. They like Laura. She is MTF,so in our agreement, They are is dating someone like then. I'll probably eventually let them date women too. It's hard to open up for me, but at the same time liberating. We are both talking to River. I adore her so far. I'm looking more for friends with possible benefits later and David and her will be dating soon. My adoration of her makes it so much easier.
I was having too much luck, now I'm not trying. I was only meeting poly saturated trans women, Which I have issue issue with the trans women part, but if you are so busy you can only talk every few days a few sentences, I'm not interested. I'm not looking for hookups, or even sex. I want genuine connection. So I am doing things a bit differently. I'm working on the relationships I already have. I'm hoping John still wants to go out Saturday, but if he doesn't then, I won't try again. I'll always love him, he will always be family, but if he is going to act like this because I just can't.
Saturday after hanging out with John, I started gardening and had to call plant 911 because I ran out of mulch. I got a hold of Mom and we went to Menards. We bought a shit ton of seeds, she bought pansy for her home,
I bought two lavender plants because my seedlings were viciously murdered by my kids cat. And she bought soil. I already had soil and some of my containers were already full, so after mulching, I started filling containers with dirt and planning my fairy garden and the south side of my garden. I ran out of soil and went to moms to get some. By the time I got back David was back. We spent time together and then I went back at the planning and planted some herbs and my lavender. Before calling it.
Sunday I always go to Jamie's at 1, but wanted to do a few things in my garden first. I pulled my back but continued at it, knowing it wasn't serious and some rest is good too much will stiffin it and make it impossible to move. I planted peas, moved some things around, and cleaned my porch. Then at Jaime's we just drank coffee and talked for hours. We are going to be workout buddies. I'm hoping on the days we aren't to eventually make David my workout buddy. I miss just us sometimes but it's not healthy.
Idk,that's really it.
Today was a new experience, boring, but cool. I was at jury selection. I kinda wanted to do it but had empathy sickness. I'm just glad I'm over eclipse sickness. I slept all afternoon, and I have plenty to do. The trial is a murder trial and as cool as it would have been, it was a big deal and a big responsibility with me seeing things and hearing about them. Basically this man murdered his wife. If anyone reading wants to look it up it was Elizabeth "Nikki" Wilhoite. Since I wasn't selected I went home and yes, had to do the fb dive, but looked all the things up.
I went to Jamie's and am grateful Lily didn't go. I couldn't tell her I went back to John, and her comments, the memories flooded back, her talking about her recent experience and me relating and her telling me she would always dislike him for that made me realize...it was bad, really bad. I came to work with bruises, I was terrified of him constantly (he emotionally tortured me). I was so dead set on no, how does he do this to me? How does he convince me? Is it manipulation? Me letting him know I couldn't do it went as well as you think. We are on now but now it's all Jamie's fault.
Morning coffee. Finally. Saturday was David's first real date. They like Laura. She is MTF,so in our agreement, They are is dating someone like then. I'll probably eventually let them date women too. It's hard to open up for me, but at the same time liberating. We are both talking to River. I adore her so far. I'm looking more for friends with possible benefits later and David and her will be dating soon. My adoration of her makes it so much easier.
I was having too much luck, now I'm not trying. I was only meeting poly saturated trans women, Which I have issue issue with the trans women part, but if you are so busy you can only talk every few days a few sentences, I'm not interested. I'm not looking for hookups, or even sex. I want genuine connection. So I am doing things a bit differently. I'm working on the relationships I already have. I'm hoping John still wants to go out Saturday, but if he doesn't then, I won't try again. I'll always love him, he will always be family, but if he is going to act like this because I just can't.
Saturday after hanging out with John, I started gardening and had to call plant 911 because I ran out of mulch. I got a hold of Mom and we went to Menards. We bought a shit ton of seeds, she bought pansy for her home,
I bought two lavender plants because my seedlings were viciously murdered by my kids cat. And she bought soil. I already had soil and some of my containers were already full, so after mulching, I started filling containers with dirt and planning my fairy garden and the south side of my garden. I ran out of soil and went to moms to get some. By the time I got back David was back. We spent time together and then I went back at the planning and planted some herbs and my lavender. Before calling it.
Sunday I always go to Jamie's at 1, but wanted to do a few things in my garden first. I pulled my back but continued at it, knowing it wasn't serious and some rest is good too much will stiffin it and make it impossible to move. I planted peas, moved some things around, and cleaned my porch. Then at Jaime's we just drank coffee and talked for hours. We are going to be workout buddies. I'm hoping on the days we aren't to eventually make David my workout buddy. I miss just us sometimes but it's not healthy.
Idk,that's really it.