Social media break day 2
As a habit I have opened my Facebook a number of times, I know I won't post here often, not without a PC, my laptop hardly qualifies.
It's a beautiful rainy morning. I never thought an eclipse would change me so much. I'm still me, of course. My hermit crab self but I'm different too.
Since I was young I was a medium that had no idea how to communicate with people on the other side, they just come to me and I get feelings. I don't here voices or see them. It's a feeling. And honestly I think it's always people connected to me. Marijuana dulled it. And even when I quit smoking, I was unaffected, last time I quit smoking it was for a job and I got pregnant. This time I just ran out and enjoyed dreaming again. I have made up my mind only to use sparingly now, I kind of miss it sometimes. Back to being a medium. I had this feeling and I couldn't shake it. I knew the feeling that I hadn't felt since I was young. Someone was going to pass over. Johns mom died a month later. He isn't ok. I don't know how to console him. He wanted me to sleep with him, but that's not happening.
Someone lost their cat this morning, it's outside crying in the rain. Poor baby. Mine had to run out after it to investigate (Mercury's really). Also her unofficial porch cat, Munchkin.
I want to wint the lottery. Even just a million which would come to 324000 after taxes could buy me a house. It would definitely pay off our bills. Then I could buy a barn for all the kitties. I don't really want anymore indoor animals at the moment.
I'm hoping the poor kitty finds it's home.
We've been dating again. That's what prompted John to ask me for that, as he has been poly the whole time. I love him and I know it would confuse my feelings. We were so toxic. It was hard, not because I want to be that way with him but I spent so many years trying to please that man. It was never enough. I've discovered it's because he is never enough. He needs therapy to work though that. I mean when I left and said I wouldn't come back until he got help. Even then, I don't know that I'd be interested it's been 8 years and some of the stuff he did afterwards was unimaginable too. Like tell our mutual best friend to pick (she said regretting choosing him, to me). I have forgiven her, but we aren't close anymore.
We opened up but I'm just not wired for poly. I have entertained a few women, and may even date them, but for me there is only David. They have some things to work out, and I opened us for them. If nothing else they will have fun and gto of the house.
The poor kitty has moved in but is screaming at another porch, I tried to let it come on to mine where Munchkin has a carrier.
I think Spring is finally here. I want to put most of my indoor plants out. I took them out for a few days last week but it got too cold for them. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about planting. Starters didn't work out for me this year. Mercury's cats, specifically Starbuck wants to eat them. I had 3 peas left. I'll be working on my garden while David is on their first solo date.
I will admit I feel a little some way about it. They are spending money we don't have but they also are trying so hard to get a full time job so I can keep the job I have and love. They never go out and I always do (no money involved). They need this. I worry about the cost of Prep since our insurance is cancelled temporarily. They will use condoms.
Sugar has joined me on the couch, It's still a half hour until my alarm goes off, I need to turn that off. Mara is in our room until Mid June at the earliest. If it weren't for Dena staying here we would be so screwed. She gets to be with her spouse again soon but he has some issues to take care of. I love them both and am going to miss them, but it's only a three hour drive.
Jaime is back in my life. I'm so glad. I feel guilty that I abandoned her. She gets it though. I hated her ex. He made it uncomfortable to be around, on purpose. I think he wanted to isolate her. He attacked her son just says before his 18th birthday and he stabbed him twice in self defense after years of bullying. There is currently a charge on the ex for confinement as her son tried to get away and he kept him from leaving the room and was on top of him when he stabbed him. Proud of him.
I know I am loved. I guess I'm hurt that he is who he is. I hope gardening while he is gone is enough. I don't think I feel jealous, I feel sad. Heavy. And no one gets it. You have the poly people like what's the big deal, and the mono people like it's a huge deal and then you have me. All the people I talk to are so poly saturated that they barely talk to me. This isn't a oh word me. Don't get it twisted. I am so incredibly blessed. I have a life full of love, and laughter, friendship. Almost all my problems could be solved by money.
I need to check my lottery ticket.
Hopefully Jaime and I start working out this week. I still need to do my morning stretches. I just wanted to enjoy the rain by myself first. My knee was in bad shape after banging it on a table at my clients house. Damn I am lucky to have the best client ever. I can nap in her car during her PT today. She has 13 cats, my job is mainly caring for them, and of course I care for her too. She loves books, and is intelligent. Even if I won the lottery I'd still help her. She is also my friend.
Do I want to nap, or do I want to do my eyebrows and finish my coffee?
I grabbed my ticket and changed my song. I have been listening to hz frequency music since the eclipse, same reason I feel drained am I am off social media. It helps
Ran out to talk to Erica about loud kitty. She may take her or him in. She will be sending Reagan out to get the poor baby. More than likely it has a home, or it was dumped.
I feel so much lighter now. It's just a reminder to me. I know David loves me. I know so many others do and I feel it. Compliments on my little apartment garden helps. Gardening is so important to who I am and my well being. I need to water the plant in my room.
I'm going to enjoy what's left of my time as the world around me wakes up.
It's a beautiful rainy morning. I never thought an eclipse would change me so much. I'm still me, of course. My hermit crab self but I'm different too.
Since I was young I was a medium that had no idea how to communicate with people on the other side, they just come to me and I get feelings. I don't here voices or see them. It's a feeling. And honestly I think it's always people connected to me. Marijuana dulled it. And even when I quit smoking, I was unaffected, last time I quit smoking it was for a job and I got pregnant. This time I just ran out and enjoyed dreaming again. I have made up my mind only to use sparingly now, I kind of miss it sometimes. Back to being a medium. I had this feeling and I couldn't shake it. I knew the feeling that I hadn't felt since I was young. Someone was going to pass over. Johns mom died a month later. He isn't ok. I don't know how to console him. He wanted me to sleep with him, but that's not happening.
Someone lost their cat this morning, it's outside crying in the rain. Poor baby. Mine had to run out after it to investigate (Mercury's really). Also her unofficial porch cat, Munchkin.
I want to wint the lottery. Even just a million which would come to 324000 after taxes could buy me a house. It would definitely pay off our bills. Then I could buy a barn for all the kitties. I don't really want anymore indoor animals at the moment.
I'm hoping the poor kitty finds it's home.
We've been dating again. That's what prompted John to ask me for that, as he has been poly the whole time. I love him and I know it would confuse my feelings. We were so toxic. It was hard, not because I want to be that way with him but I spent so many years trying to please that man. It was never enough. I've discovered it's because he is never enough. He needs therapy to work though that. I mean when I left and said I wouldn't come back until he got help. Even then, I don't know that I'd be interested it's been 8 years and some of the stuff he did afterwards was unimaginable too. Like tell our mutual best friend to pick (she said regretting choosing him, to me). I have forgiven her, but we aren't close anymore.
We opened up but I'm just not wired for poly. I have entertained a few women, and may even date them, but for me there is only David. They have some things to work out, and I opened us for them. If nothing else they will have fun and gto of the house.
The poor kitty has moved in but is screaming at another porch, I tried to let it come on to mine where Munchkin has a carrier.
I think Spring is finally here. I want to put most of my indoor plants out. I took them out for a few days last week but it got too cold for them. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about planting. Starters didn't work out for me this year. Mercury's cats, specifically Starbuck wants to eat them. I had 3 peas left. I'll be working on my garden while David is on their first solo date.
I will admit I feel a little some way about it. They are spending money we don't have but they also are trying so hard to get a full time job so I can keep the job I have and love. They never go out and I always do (no money involved). They need this. I worry about the cost of Prep since our insurance is cancelled temporarily. They will use condoms.
Sugar has joined me on the couch, It's still a half hour until my alarm goes off, I need to turn that off. Mara is in our room until Mid June at the earliest. If it weren't for Dena staying here we would be so screwed. She gets to be with her spouse again soon but he has some issues to take care of. I love them both and am going to miss them, but it's only a three hour drive.
Jaime is back in my life. I'm so glad. I feel guilty that I abandoned her. She gets it though. I hated her ex. He made it uncomfortable to be around, on purpose. I think he wanted to isolate her. He attacked her son just says before his 18th birthday and he stabbed him twice in self defense after years of bullying. There is currently a charge on the ex for confinement as her son tried to get away and he kept him from leaving the room and was on top of him when he stabbed him. Proud of him.
I know I am loved. I guess I'm hurt that he is who he is. I hope gardening while he is gone is enough. I don't think I feel jealous, I feel sad. Heavy. And no one gets it. You have the poly people like what's the big deal, and the mono people like it's a huge deal and then you have me. All the people I talk to are so poly saturated that they barely talk to me. This isn't a oh word me. Don't get it twisted. I am so incredibly blessed. I have a life full of love, and laughter, friendship. Almost all my problems could be solved by money.
I need to check my lottery ticket.
Hopefully Jaime and I start working out this week. I still need to do my morning stretches. I just wanted to enjoy the rain by myself first. My knee was in bad shape after banging it on a table at my clients house. Damn I am lucky to have the best client ever. I can nap in her car during her PT today. She has 13 cats, my job is mainly caring for them, and of course I care for her too. She loves books, and is intelligent. Even if I won the lottery I'd still help her. She is also my friend.
Do I want to nap, or do I want to do my eyebrows and finish my coffee?
I grabbed my ticket and changed my song. I have been listening to hz frequency music since the eclipse, same reason I feel drained am I am off social media. It helps
Ran out to talk to Erica about loud kitty. She may take her or him in. She will be sending Reagan out to get the poor baby. More than likely it has a home, or it was dumped.
I feel so much lighter now. It's just a reminder to me. I know David loves me. I know so many others do and I feel it. Compliments on my little apartment garden helps. Gardening is so important to who I am and my well being. I need to water the plant in my room.
I'm going to enjoy what's left of my time as the world around me wakes up.