Greetings From Fuckity-Fuck-Land
1. I am at my mom's house, on active mom-sitting duty. Mom's on the couch zoning in and out. She ask me where she was a while ago. Yesterday day she asked me if I was Carolyn.
2. I am so growing up because of this. I feel like I have had to put on my Big Girl Panties really fast. I also feel like I have been on this surreal acid trip for the last 3 weeks. Everything is vivid, colorful, emotional and so very real. I am present and in the moment like I have never been before. What else can I do? The is much spaciousness in being present. I am surprised by my ability to function AND be present with all this.
3. My brother bought me a cell phone. I would never had purchased one for myself, but he felt it important for us all to be in easy contact with each other incase we need to get in touch fast. I was hesitant at first, but now I think it's kinda cool.
4. My mom is about 10% of what she used to be. She can't talk well, she can't move well, she is confused and foggy most of the time. Luckly she is in no pain. She is getting scared and angry that this is happening to her. She is accepting that this is happening, for the most part.
5. My sis is a mess. She is using perscriptions again to self medicate. She is still thinking there must be some miracle cure for mom. I can't deal with her. I feel she is a lost cause. I love her, I care for her well being, but I am at a loss in knowing how to help her or interact with her without defense or anger. Luckly my bro is dealing with her and is able to whoop her ass into reality when needed. I have tried that for at least 5 years and can't do it anymore.
6. Life is Work, Anya, My Mom, Work, Anya, My Mom. Trying to take care of myself has been hard but it's necessary, and if I don't I am fucked.
2. I am so growing up because of this. I feel like I have had to put on my Big Girl Panties really fast. I also feel like I have been on this surreal acid trip for the last 3 weeks. Everything is vivid, colorful, emotional and so very real. I am present and in the moment like I have never been before. What else can I do? The is much spaciousness in being present. I am surprised by my ability to function AND be present with all this.
3. My brother bought me a cell phone. I would never had purchased one for myself, but he felt it important for us all to be in easy contact with each other incase we need to get in touch fast. I was hesitant at first, but now I think it's kinda cool.
4. My mom is about 10% of what she used to be. She can't talk well, she can't move well, she is confused and foggy most of the time. Luckly she is in no pain. She is getting scared and angry that this is happening to her. She is accepting that this is happening, for the most part.
5. My sis is a mess. She is using perscriptions again to self medicate. She is still thinking there must be some miracle cure for mom. I can't deal with her. I feel she is a lost cause. I love her, I care for her well being, but I am at a loss in knowing how to help her or interact with her without defense or anger. Luckly my bro is dealing with her and is able to whoop her ass into reality when needed. I have tried that for at least 5 years and can't do it anymore.
6. Life is Work, Anya, My Mom, Work, Anya, My Mom. Trying to take care of myself has been hard but it's necessary, and if I don't I am fucked.