I know that this is hitting some very hard buttons for you, and I've very sorry about that, but this is one where I sort of need to defend my position:
In amongst a huge page of writing about all the other things that make me more or less compatible with another person: If you're considering whether we might be compatible dating-wise, be aware it's a big plus if you have previous experience navigating open relationships -- I jokingly refer to dating me as being "the advanced course in Polyamory" due to the inherent complexity of my existing relationships. And please don't assume that an invitation to my bed is a de facto invitation to bed with any of my other partners; they're their own people, and make their own decisions. That said, jealousy and possessiveness aren't really where my personal faults lie. I find the "sharing" element of polyamory to come pretty naturally, and do
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Perhaps it came across that I expect my partners to be "perfect" about these things, or that I myself am. I didn't mean to convey either. It's not that there's no room for addressing individual points and moments of pain and sensitivity, but that there are definitely limits to how flexible I can be in that situation overall if it's a long-standing issue/pattern.
Additionally, your comment about my "lack of compassion" certainly hit hard, and very hurtfully. But I really would like to talk this out more, either here or in private, because I do value your friendship
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Also, for context that wasn't clear at all (actually intentionally so), the discussion about having my joy supported and celebrated was initially about totally non-poly tensions with my household that I'm sorting through, it's just _also_ relevant about my poly relationship dynamics. It's an issue for me regardless of the type of relationship.
Yes, I'm very confused about what was wrong with what moominmuppet said, too. And then she explained it even more, but it's not good enough because she thoughtfully said she thinks she should defend it?
Can she not have different mileage from you? I know her as a very compassionate, caring person, so I think those statements were off the mark. It must be a misunderstanding.
Thank you for handling this with your usual sensitivity. I very much appreciate an expression of support or additional viewpoint that doesn't further inflame things here. I value daharyn a lot, and don't want anyone else swinging at her on my behalf. (note for anyone else reading)
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This is what I say about it on my OKC profile (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/ursa74)
In amongst a huge page of writing about all the other things that make me more or less compatible with another person:
If you're considering whether we might be compatible dating-wise, be aware it's a big plus if you have previous experience navigating open relationships -- I jokingly refer to dating me as being "the advanced course in Polyamory" due to the inherent complexity of my existing relationships. And please don't assume that an invitation to my bed is a de facto invitation to bed with any of my other partners; they're their own people, and make their own decisions. That said, jealousy and possessiveness aren't really where my personal faults lie. I find the "sharing" element of polyamory to come pretty naturally, and do ( ... )
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Can she not have different mileage from you? I know her as a very compassionate, caring person, so I think those statements were off the mark. It must be a misunderstanding.
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