Friend-crushes and hyperclarification and minimalism
With permission I'm sharing part of what I've been emailing back and forth about with two new friend-crushes.
For reference, S has a photography blog, and C blogs about minimalism as it applies in her life.
Hey there, me again...
I've been having a pretty damned rough day, after finding out at about two this morning that an old friend from high school actually unexpectedly died about a year ago. I've been trying to pull myself back together after writing a post about her, so I decided to catch up on reading through your other journals (you know, chatting simultaneously with a couple is enough to make me really resent the English lack of distinction between 2nd person singular and 2nd person plural -- I rather approve of the southern work-around of y'all because I definitely see the linguistic need!)
S, your photography really is beautiful and calming in a way that hit me just right, right now. Thank you. (and the post about seeing rather than looking was lovely)
C, [the minimalist blog] is more challenging for me, even scary, and I'd love to talk some about that, compare perspectives a bit. I very much understand the logic and reasoning behind this kind of minimalism, and perhaps as a packrat I paradoxically understand it better (and I'm very familiar with the Paradox of Choice research), but also as a packrat it's scary and threatening to me in weird and emotional ways. I "declutter" now and again in small ways, but I'm so far from minimalist in my own life partially because of a difference in how I think about stuff as a resource. Part of that is a result of spending many years extremely cash-poor and therefore loathe to discard anything I might need again and not be able to replace. The even bigger issue, though, is how I construct my place within my community. I'm the packrat amongst a social circle made up much more heavily of minimalists. Several of my housemates showed up at my door with little more than a duffel bag. I'm the stable home base, the storage place for everyone, the junk store anyone can rifle through for the things they need. If being communal in that particular way weren't so central to me, I think I'd find it less scary to get rid of things, but it reminds me of my "spare pills" case in my messenger bag, which I was re-sorting the other day. It contains 10-15 pills, tablets, etc, of every med in the house, even the ones I never take, or am contraindicated from taking. I'm not so much carrying it around for me, as so that I always have the best chance of having what someone else needs when they need it. Over and over again, folks have found "just what they need" in my house, and I love that experience, find it rewarding and joyful. Best friend in a panic because he has an art project due that day, procrastinated, and hasn't the foggiest where he could possibly find a disc of wood in time for his plan? Well, damn, I have that. A souvenir piece of an art project someone else had done several years ago, making use of cross-sections of tree trunk. Same thing with my books; I have close to 4000 in the house. I wish I had digital copies of all of them for backup and ease of personal access, but for giving others access to new and interesting stuff? For enticing someone to pick up a book on the spur of the moment and leaf through it? I don't think we've figured out yet how to balance intellectual property and ability to share when it comes to online copies of books yet. There's progress, but it's nowhere near where I need it to be before I'd feel like I'd still be giving people the same opportunity to explore when they come into my space. I really regret some of the books I've ended up purchasing in digital format because of how it's limited my ability to share.
I'm really curious to hear your thoughts about the complexities of balancing a minimalist approach based on careful awareness of your needs, and a deeply communal approach that I feel requires me to have handy exactly the things I can't predict. Also, how do you navigate the balancing of minimalism and financial fears of lack of necessary resources to pick things up on the spur of the moment if they do become necessary again?
I hope I'm not coming across as defensive or attacking; I don't intend to be either -- these are things I've honestly struggled with philosophically over my life, and I'm very aware of the certain ways in which my mass of "stuff" also limits my life in certain ways, but I'm not at all certain that minimalism is a good choice for me, personally. Thoughts?
[Awesome Responses]
Good grief, I am intellectually smitten with you and would like to subscribe to your newsletter *grin* more later. Need to remember to talk about how pet decisions play heavily into all this. Watching lightning now, though!
[More awesomeness]
So happy to hear more from you! Oh, the backpacks I have had!
Sorry to say 'more later' again; you're meeting me at an extraordinarily intense and bizarre period. The past few weeks are eating my brain, and my LiveJournal doth overflow. Really, really interested in continuing to talk with both of you, but I may vanish intermittently and I'm really worried I'll end up sending mixed signals and damaging a set of baby-new friendships that I very much want to develop. I've been babbling to people in my life about you, and how excited I am at what seems like it could be Important Friendship for me down the line. And I don't mean that at all euphemistically. Your collective sexy brainmeats certainly aren't discouraging me feeling a bit tingly about things, but that's not the center or necessary element at all. When I feel what seems like potential exciting new friendship I get about twice as giddy and nre-ish as when I find new casual partners. It's always been a quirk of my personality and the role friendship has in my life, but it's been the source of confusion, misunderstandings, and unnecessary stress at times, so I just wanted to make very sure I'm clear with you about what's going on, especially since we're text-only at this point.
Also, way to grok the poly/stuff connection. Other big factor? I am miserable without my animals. Have lived about two years of my life without having my own pets, usually many, and barely emotionally survived thanks to the multitude of professors' dogs. It's a decision I joyfully take to limit myself mobility-wise in order to make as sure as possible I can continue to provide for a pretty large number of decades-long commitments.
Also, what I've just written here feels worth expanding into an lj post. Is what I've written about minimalism, and my excitement about developing friendship, something you'd be comfortable with me using that way?
[And yet again with the Awesome]
So much yay on all fronts!
Off to continue drenching LJ in my thinky-thoughts.
For reference, S has a photography blog, and C blogs about minimalism as it applies in her life.
Hey there, me again...
I've been having a pretty damned rough day, after finding out at about two this morning that an old friend from high school actually unexpectedly died about a year ago. I've been trying to pull myself back together after writing a post about her, so I decided to catch up on reading through your other journals (you know, chatting simultaneously with a couple is enough to make me really resent the English lack of distinction between 2nd person singular and 2nd person plural -- I rather approve of the southern work-around of y'all because I definitely see the linguistic need!)
S, your photography really is beautiful and calming in a way that hit me just right, right now. Thank you. (and the post about seeing rather than looking was lovely)
C, [the minimalist blog] is more challenging for me, even scary, and I'd love to talk some about that, compare perspectives a bit. I very much understand the logic and reasoning behind this kind of minimalism, and perhaps as a packrat I paradoxically understand it better (and I'm very familiar with the Paradox of Choice research), but also as a packrat it's scary and threatening to me in weird and emotional ways. I "declutter" now and again in small ways, but I'm so far from minimalist in my own life partially because of a difference in how I think about stuff as a resource. Part of that is a result of spending many years extremely cash-poor and therefore loathe to discard anything I might need again and not be able to replace. The even bigger issue, though, is how I construct my place within my community. I'm the packrat amongst a social circle made up much more heavily of minimalists. Several of my housemates showed up at my door with little more than a duffel bag. I'm the stable home base, the storage place for everyone, the junk store anyone can rifle through for the things they need. If being communal in that particular way weren't so central to me, I think I'd find it less scary to get rid of things, but it reminds me of my "spare pills" case in my messenger bag, which I was re-sorting the other day. It contains 10-15 pills, tablets, etc, of every med in the house, even the ones I never take, or am contraindicated from taking. I'm not so much carrying it around for me, as so that I always have the best chance of having what someone else needs when they need it. Over and over again, folks have found "just what they need" in my house, and I love that experience, find it rewarding and joyful. Best friend in a panic because he has an art project due that day, procrastinated, and hasn't the foggiest where he could possibly find a disc of wood in time for his plan? Well, damn, I have that. A souvenir piece of an art project someone else had done several years ago, making use of cross-sections of tree trunk. Same thing with my books; I have close to 4000 in the house. I wish I had digital copies of all of them for backup and ease of personal access, but for giving others access to new and interesting stuff? For enticing someone to pick up a book on the spur of the moment and leaf through it? I don't think we've figured out yet how to balance intellectual property and ability to share when it comes to online copies of books yet. There's progress, but it's nowhere near where I need it to be before I'd feel like I'd still be giving people the same opportunity to explore when they come into my space. I really regret some of the books I've ended up purchasing in digital format because of how it's limited my ability to share.
I'm really curious to hear your thoughts about the complexities of balancing a minimalist approach based on careful awareness of your needs, and a deeply communal approach that I feel requires me to have handy exactly the things I can't predict. Also, how do you navigate the balancing of minimalism and financial fears of lack of necessary resources to pick things up on the spur of the moment if they do become necessary again?
I hope I'm not coming across as defensive or attacking; I don't intend to be either -- these are things I've honestly struggled with philosophically over my life, and I'm very aware of the certain ways in which my mass of "stuff" also limits my life in certain ways, but I'm not at all certain that minimalism is a good choice for me, personally. Thoughts?
[Awesome Responses]
Good grief, I am intellectually smitten with you and would like to subscribe to your newsletter *grin* more later. Need to remember to talk about how pet decisions play heavily into all this. Watching lightning now, though!
[More awesomeness]
So happy to hear more from you! Oh, the backpacks I have had!
Sorry to say 'more later' again; you're meeting me at an extraordinarily intense and bizarre period. The past few weeks are eating my brain, and my LiveJournal doth overflow. Really, really interested in continuing to talk with both of you, but I may vanish intermittently and I'm really worried I'll end up sending mixed signals and damaging a set of baby-new friendships that I very much want to develop. I've been babbling to people in my life about you, and how excited I am at what seems like it could be Important Friendship for me down the line. And I don't mean that at all euphemistically. Your collective sexy brainmeats certainly aren't discouraging me feeling a bit tingly about things, but that's not the center or necessary element at all. When I feel what seems like potential exciting new friendship I get about twice as giddy and nre-ish as when I find new casual partners. It's always been a quirk of my personality and the role friendship has in my life, but it's been the source of confusion, misunderstandings, and unnecessary stress at times, so I just wanted to make very sure I'm clear with you about what's going on, especially since we're text-only at this point.
Also, way to grok the poly/stuff connection. Other big factor? I am miserable without my animals. Have lived about two years of my life without having my own pets, usually many, and barely emotionally survived thanks to the multitude of professors' dogs. It's a decision I joyfully take to limit myself mobility-wise in order to make as sure as possible I can continue to provide for a pretty large number of decades-long commitments.
Also, what I've just written here feels worth expanding into an lj post. Is what I've written about minimalism, and my excitement about developing friendship, something you'd be comfortable with me using that way?
[And yet again with the Awesome]
So much yay on all fronts!
Off to continue drenching LJ in my thinky-thoughts.