have you
have you ever wanted to die, but without the suicide part? just a victim of some freak accident, no matter what it would be?
i used to dream of driving my car off the over pass, wondering how many others i could take with me.
then i had children. i can't bear the thought of leaving them. but i've screwed up so badly, i don't want to live anymore. they think i am some kind of hero. i am not. i've spent the last 14+ years of my life active duty so that i can support them and show by example that you can be a good person no matter what.
yet, i threw that out the window like litter when i got a dui. no excuses, no duck and cover. i was stupid. if not for my children i would not wake tomorrow. there would be no reason. when the navy punishes me, i will be kicked out. when the civil courts punish me, i will be a hazard and broke.
don't be like me. i want to be dead. i just don't want to kill myself. starting over again is something i don't think i'm strong enough for. i've already been torn apart so many times by so many things. i am not the strong, independent woman everyone thinks i am. it is as false as that nasty ass grill in the rap vids. my wall my strength my weakness. i'm more lonely than ever. my mother is dropping her life to come help me through this mess. she is so awesome for that.
i wish she didn't have to. but i'm a dumbass. i know i did a stupid thing. i know i'm going to fry. i just hope my babies will make it through the flames of my hell.
i used to dream of driving my car off the over pass, wondering how many others i could take with me.
then i had children. i can't bear the thought of leaving them. but i've screwed up so badly, i don't want to live anymore. they think i am some kind of hero. i am not. i've spent the last 14+ years of my life active duty so that i can support them and show by example that you can be a good person no matter what.
yet, i threw that out the window like litter when i got a dui. no excuses, no duck and cover. i was stupid. if not for my children i would not wake tomorrow. there would be no reason. when the navy punishes me, i will be kicked out. when the civil courts punish me, i will be a hazard and broke.
don't be like me. i want to be dead. i just don't want to kill myself. starting over again is something i don't think i'm strong enough for. i've already been torn apart so many times by so many things. i am not the strong, independent woman everyone thinks i am. it is as false as that nasty ass grill in the rap vids. my wall my strength my weakness. i'm more lonely than ever. my mother is dropping her life to come help me through this mess. she is so awesome for that.
i wish she didn't have to. but i'm a dumbass. i know i did a stupid thing. i know i'm going to fry. i just hope my babies will make it through the flames of my hell.