titles are over rated
the days creep by. each more slowly than they last. ive become comfortably numb in my skin. a steady stream of medication followed by a new found will to keep my self busy or asleep at every waking moment of the day. i try to keep my brain still these days. keep my mind quiet, the thoughts at bay. to think merely brings about questions that im not sure anyone can answer. i miss my old self. i hear i dont "sparkle" any more. thats because I am missing. sure my body sits and functions as an everyday occurance, but my soul, my essance has seemed to escape me.. and is trapped out side beating on the door to come back in. for some reason i am fumbling with the lock. i know im getting better. i feel it in my heart. each passing day.. that goes oh so slowly... i shimmy the lock a little more. i know which key is missing.. and im trying to pick the lock. im starting to wake up inside a little bit. im becoming more focused, less anxious.. i have a goal again.. a few even. and i just miss my friends. i miss your voices (i wanna hear your voice out loud.. slow it down slow it down with out it all im choking on nothing ..) one day ill return to normal, until then ill fake it the best that i can ( sometimes you cant fake it hard enough to please everyone or anyone at all) i love you all. love me too, for i need you most now. and im asking for your help.
nAsh: i miss you love and i miss you love.. so many things i could say to you. thick and thin you are there. and no matter how low i fall, dont think i cant be there for you too.. we are in this together for life. when times get hard i think of you and know ill be ok.. i have to be or else the pop tarts are toast. i love you
ricer: you are amazing.. you are beyond what i can express in words.. thanks for always listening to my obi wan babble and responding so delicately. you rock my socks.
leslie: youre my ancedote.. how i get my fix.. you get me high to where i forget im alive just from your presence becuase you understand... your like my candle in the dark
nAsh: i miss you love and i miss you love.. so many things i could say to you. thick and thin you are there. and no matter how low i fall, dont think i cant be there for you too.. we are in this together for life. when times get hard i think of you and know ill be ok.. i have to be or else the pop tarts are toast. i love you
ricer: you are amazing.. you are beyond what i can express in words.. thanks for always listening to my obi wan babble and responding so delicately. you rock my socks.
leslie: youre my ancedote.. how i get my fix.. you get me high to where i forget im alive just from your presence becuase you understand... your like my candle in the dark