Ikea
(because it's been in my head ... Now with added music!)
By Jonathan Coulton
Long ago, in days of yore,
It all began with the God named Thor.
There were Vikings, and boats,
And some plans for a furniture store.
It's not a bodega, it's not a mall,
They sell things for apartments
Smaller than mine.
(As if there were apartments
Smaller than mine.)
Ikea!
There's some oak and some pine,
And a handful of Norsemen.
Ikea!
Selling furniture for college kids
And divorced men.
Everyone has a home,
But if you don't have a home,
You can buy one there!
Rent a car or take a bus,
Lay your cash down and put your trust
In a land where the furniture folds
To a much smaller size.
Billy the bookcase says, 'Hello!'
So does a table whose name is Ingo,
And a chair - he's a Ladderback birch,
But his friends call him 'Carl.'
Ikea!
Just some oak and some pine,
And a handful of Norsemen.
Ikea!
Selling furniture for college kids
And divorced men.
Everyone has a home,
But if you don't have a home,
You can buy one there!
Ikea:
Plywood and brushed steel ...
Ikea:
Meatballs, tasty ...
Ikea:
Allen wrenches,
All of them for free,
All of them for me!
I'm sorry I said Ikea sucks.
I just bought a table for 60 bucks!
And a chair, and a lamp, and a shelf,
And some candles for you!
I was a doubter, just like you,
'Till I saw the American dream come true:
In New Jersey,
They got a goddamn Swedish parade!
Ikea!
Just some oak and some pine,
And a handful of Norsemen.
Ikea!
Selling furniture for college kids
And divorced men.
Everyone has a home,
But if you don't have a home,
You can buy one there!