Emotions suck
Man.
It's kinda funny how I usually go for days without getting any comments, then all I do is mention the word "party" and everyone is on my ass about drinking and being irresponsible or whatever. Well, just for clarification Alisha and I would get there earlier next time because otherwise the party is just watching a whole lot of drunk people stumble around, and if you get there when people are actually SOBER you can talk to them and dance and then watch then get drunk and stumble around and laugh. Besides, just being at a party doesn't mean you're drinking/shooting up/having unprotected sex/whatever else the whole world things happens there. The only way to find out is to go to one.
But anyway, my lip is currently infected with a big ass cold sore of doom. I didn't go to classes yesterday because it was actually worse than it is now, and it looks pretty bad right now. And I have a job interview at 11:30 at the Sports Ticket office! They say they're an equal opportunity employer, but does that extend to the cold sore infected? It's not like I'm gonna kiss the tickets or anything...
Night before last Anthony and I had a cry/fight conversation where I called him a "Self-righteous ass" for trying to help me through my problems. (And I find it funny that he said 'don't call me an ass!' instead of being mad I called him 'self-righteous') Basically I was depressed that he and I hadn't talked since last Wednesday and was feeling lonely, and he was trying to give me suggestions about how to feel better (like 'make new friends' and 'get involved and don't just sit in your room'). But I took the advice in more of a "do-this-not-that" way, and he just came off sounding so bossy and whatever that I got pissed even as I was crying. So we fought and at the time I was willing to break-up with him just so he would shut the hell up, but now I'm glad I didn't. Besides, I could never break up with him just 'cause I'm mad.
But he DID say some mean things. Like he told me that the Camilla he fell in love with was happy, and he doesn't know where she went. THAT ticked me off because I'm Camilla 24/7, but if he's only gonna love one aspect of me and just put up with the rest because he has to, then what the hell??? Also, he told me not to have my life revolve around him, and it's because I do that I was so sad. Then he said "my life doesn't revolve around you, so don't have yours revolve around me." *Stabstabstab in my heart!*
Just because I want to see him and talk to him and know he still thinks about me while we're such a long distance apart, my life revolves around him? Suddenly I'm too needy and whatever? Well, so what if he's my center, I LOVE HIM DAMMIT!!! When you love a person you think about them and miss them, and I'm not about to change just because he doesn't see it that way. He's such a....grrr!
Believe it or not, I'm actually happy again. Because now that we've fought, I know we can still talk and that makes me feel better than when I was unsure and having doubts. Now, everynight I'll call him and talk to him, even if it's just for ten minutes. Alisha had that idea, and I think it's a good one. I called him last night and we talked for almost an hour and it felt really nice. ^_^
It's kinda funny how I usually go for days without getting any comments, then all I do is mention the word "party" and everyone is on my ass about drinking and being irresponsible or whatever. Well, just for clarification Alisha and I would get there earlier next time because otherwise the party is just watching a whole lot of drunk people stumble around, and if you get there when people are actually SOBER you can talk to them and dance and then watch then get drunk and stumble around and laugh. Besides, just being at a party doesn't mean you're drinking/shooting up/having unprotected sex/whatever else the whole world things happens there. The only way to find out is to go to one.
But anyway, my lip is currently infected with a big ass cold sore of doom. I didn't go to classes yesterday because it was actually worse than it is now, and it looks pretty bad right now. And I have a job interview at 11:30 at the Sports Ticket office! They say they're an equal opportunity employer, but does that extend to the cold sore infected? It's not like I'm gonna kiss the tickets or anything...
Night before last Anthony and I had a cry/fight conversation where I called him a "Self-righteous ass" for trying to help me through my problems. (And I find it funny that he said 'don't call me an ass!' instead of being mad I called him 'self-righteous') Basically I was depressed that he and I hadn't talked since last Wednesday and was feeling lonely, and he was trying to give me suggestions about how to feel better (like 'make new friends' and 'get involved and don't just sit in your room'). But I took the advice in more of a "do-this-not-that" way, and he just came off sounding so bossy and whatever that I got pissed even as I was crying. So we fought and at the time I was willing to break-up with him just so he would shut the hell up, but now I'm glad I didn't. Besides, I could never break up with him just 'cause I'm mad.
But he DID say some mean things. Like he told me that the Camilla he fell in love with was happy, and he doesn't know where she went. THAT ticked me off because I'm Camilla 24/7, but if he's only gonna love one aspect of me and just put up with the rest because he has to, then what the hell??? Also, he told me not to have my life revolve around him, and it's because I do that I was so sad. Then he said "my life doesn't revolve around you, so don't have yours revolve around me." *Stabstabstab in my heart!*
Just because I want to see him and talk to him and know he still thinks about me while we're such a long distance apart, my life revolves around him? Suddenly I'm too needy and whatever? Well, so what if he's my center, I LOVE HIM DAMMIT!!! When you love a person you think about them and miss them, and I'm not about to change just because he doesn't see it that way. He's such a....grrr!
Believe it or not, I'm actually happy again. Because now that we've fought, I know we can still talk and that makes me feel better than when I was unsure and having doubts. Now, everynight I'll call him and talk to him, even if it's just for ten minutes. Alisha had that idea, and I think it's a good one. I called him last night and we talked for almost an hour and it felt really nice. ^_^