"Do fall in love with him! He's a nice guy."
I try to be aware of every moment in my life. I try to remember how I felt or what I was thinking, what my values & principles were at the age of 11, 12,13, ... It's difficult for an adult to know how kids are and what's on their mind. As a parent it's so important to understand what kids think and stuff. Mostly adults just think that children don't know a lot, but sometimes they do.
I realized that when I started working with children 7 or 8 years old. It's difficult to estimate how "mature" they are in their minds. Anyway..
People underestimate teenagers. They do. I'm only 16 and if I think about everything I've been through, I realize that it is a lot.
I have wanted to live and die. I have felt love. I have left home and come back. I have dealt with adults. I have been backstabbed by my own family. I have tried cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. I have been used by guys, (no not sexually abused). I have been hit by a car. I have been near to a dying person, I have been close to death, I have been near to people with autism and other syndromes, I have been depressed and I have cut myself. I have done a lot of things I can't recall right now. But these things made me the person I've become today. I don't know how I would describe myself, but I feel okay. Good. I have seen things that will help me in the future. I'm sure.
& Back to my daily life. Yesterday I went out jogging with A.W. Yes, I did. :) I was just getting ready to go to school to help out a little bit there, they organized lunch for old students, when A.W. texted me. So I immediately changed my pair of jeans for jogging pants. He lives nearby so I ran to him. He was with his dog. We went to Mont des Arts, then Brussels Park. We talked a lot but I can't remember what we were talking about. Nothing really special, I guess. After the jogging we went for some ice cream. Haägen Dasz of course. We were in the city on a Saturday with all the tourists and people around and we were both wearing sweatshirts and jogging pants. (Imagine us in Antwerp at the Meir in sweatshirt and jogging pants). Then we went to his place and that's where I met L.W., his sister. I also met his mother.
We watched TV for like 3 minutes then we had to go to the library. On our way to the library we passed a flower shop. A.W. used to work there so he knew all the people. The men were all gay by the way. We entered the shop because someone called him in. They started saying: "Ooohh, A.W. Who is that giiirrlll??? Shheee is sooooooo cute!"
A.W.: "Oh, that's N."
Man1: "Hii, Missy, you are reeeeaaalllly cute"
Man2: "Soo, cute!"
Man1: "I have to say that you're really beautiful."
Man2: "Cute!"
Man1: "We know now that she's cuuutttee. Don't fall in love with A.W. Missy, Noo, don't!'
Man2: "Naah, don't"
Man1: "You would like her to, don't you A.W.? You would!"
Woman: "Noo, don't listen to them, Missy. Do fall in love with him. He's a really nice guy."
We were both like smiling, not knowing what to say. It was so funny and awkward at the same time. I was actually happy that they said that to him, but you know, that doesn't mean anything. & By complimenting me all the time, it made me uncomfortable, not that I don't appreciate it.. I just don't know how to react when somebody gives me a compliment. But it was nice of them.
I also talked to him about the whole dating thing. His sister and he are not into relationships. They don't believe that when teenagers date, that they could be serious about it. They think that these people just want to copy the adults and act like adults when they're not. I disagree. I know that when I have a relationship, it'll have to be serious. I don't want to have relationships that last 3 weeks. I tried to tell him that it's about the feelings and stuff but he won't change his mind. I know that. The only person who will be able to change his mind, will be the person he will fall in love with. I believe that someday he'll meet someone and that he'll say: "Damn. She's worth it. Relationships are not all about copying others." I want that for him. Doesn't have to be me. He's a good guy, saying he's the wrong guy for me is not right. I'm the wrong girl for him. I can't give him what others may possibly give him. I can't be the girl to dance with at a party because I'm almost never allowed to go out at night. I can't be the "female" type of girl, not like Kell, I can't be the girl who's funny all the time, who's got all her emotions under control all the time, who's always happy. But I know what I can be. I know how I could be with someone, what I could do for someone. I could always be there for someone, I would never leave people hanging, I could stay up all night to help someone, I would do anything I could to help someone. But that is all it. To me, it is not even a lot. People don't even have to notice, because it's something satisfying for me. Sometimes it hurts, though. To see what you're doing for people and then they're not respecting you. That's one of the things I really can't stand. I never ask something in return, the only thing I do ask, is a little bit of respect. Just a little bit. I mean, is that too much?
Anyway, I figured that he and I won't ever be a couple. It's not meant to be. But I do feel that he likes me. I think he does.
So after we went to the library we went back to his house. He showed me around. He showed me his room and stuff. Then we watched TV. In the evening we went to the cinema with his sister. Both still wearing sweatshirt and jogging pants.
We watched 'No strings attached' with Ashton Kutcher and he was sooo sexy. L.W. came too so I didn't dare leaning against him and stuff. I wasn't feeling like it either, so it didn't matter. After the movie he looked at me with this look. So sweet and nice. It was "magical" but I cut the eye contact because it made me nervous. Sometimes it's just the way he looks at me you know. It's just so different from other guys and.. it is sad that we've come this far and still nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen.
Oh and other thing. He showed my profile picture to his sister, before I had met her. That's a good thing right? They both found it "really pretty".
Off the topic. I'm going to English class for a while now. It's every Tuesday and Thursday evening from 6 to 9. I have a nice class, everybody is at least 10 years older than me. Including Ben. He's 23 or 24 or 25, I don't know for sure. He's really handsome. He looks like a shy person. I don't know him very well, but he's nice. He's okay. He has brown hair and blue eyes. That's exactly what I like. Tuesday we talked for the first time and I was so looking forward to meet him again on Thursday but he didn't show. I just thought I'd tell you about him because I felt like it and I'm going to be talking about him a lot.
Also Friday I had my first boxing lesson. It's reaaallly tough. My whole body hurts. I mean, Monday I had yoga, Tuesday and Wednesday I did zumba and I had no pain until boxing lesson. Everything hurts so much. I went with two guys and four other girls and when we arrived it was with a lot of men. They were all men. And we, as girls, had to do the same exercises. I tell you, it's tough!! First half an hour of running, then some tough warm ups, and then technique. I had fun and I think I'm going to continue.
So tomorrow is Valentine's day. Yay.. Umh. I'm not looking forward to it. Last week I had hoped that by now it would've like been something between A.W. and me, but there's been no progress so I guess that will be it.
Oh and also, my dad bought flowers for my mother today. He got her out of the house so I could put the flowers on their bed. So I did, with a little extra. I added some candles and some petals. My dad who had planned this, was also surprised. Almost 20 years of marriage and still.. well, you know, happy.
http://mlle-nn.tumblr.com/post/3278300564/february-13th-2011-do-fall-in-love-with-him
I realized that when I started working with children 7 or 8 years old. It's difficult to estimate how "mature" they are in their minds. Anyway..
People underestimate teenagers. They do. I'm only 16 and if I think about everything I've been through, I realize that it is a lot.
I have wanted to live and die. I have felt love. I have left home and come back. I have dealt with adults. I have been backstabbed by my own family. I have tried cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. I have been used by guys, (no not sexually abused). I have been hit by a car. I have been near to a dying person, I have been close to death, I have been near to people with autism and other syndromes, I have been depressed and I have cut myself. I have done a lot of things I can't recall right now. But these things made me the person I've become today. I don't know how I would describe myself, but I feel okay. Good. I have seen things that will help me in the future. I'm sure.
& Back to my daily life. Yesterday I went out jogging with A.W. Yes, I did. :) I was just getting ready to go to school to help out a little bit there, they organized lunch for old students, when A.W. texted me. So I immediately changed my pair of jeans for jogging pants. He lives nearby so I ran to him. He was with his dog. We went to Mont des Arts, then Brussels Park. We talked a lot but I can't remember what we were talking about. Nothing really special, I guess. After the jogging we went for some ice cream. Haägen Dasz of course. We were in the city on a Saturday with all the tourists and people around and we were both wearing sweatshirts and jogging pants. (Imagine us in Antwerp at the Meir in sweatshirt and jogging pants). Then we went to his place and that's where I met L.W., his sister. I also met his mother.
We watched TV for like 3 minutes then we had to go to the library. On our way to the library we passed a flower shop. A.W. used to work there so he knew all the people. The men were all gay by the way. We entered the shop because someone called him in. They started saying: "Ooohh, A.W. Who is that giiirrlll??? Shheee is sooooooo cute!"
A.W.: "Oh, that's N."
Man1: "Hii, Missy, you are reeeeaaalllly cute"
Man2: "Soo, cute!"
Man1: "I have to say that you're really beautiful."
Man2: "Cute!"
Man1: "We know now that she's cuuutttee. Don't fall in love with A.W. Missy, Noo, don't!'
Man2: "Naah, don't"
Man1: "You would like her to, don't you A.W.? You would!"
Woman: "Noo, don't listen to them, Missy. Do fall in love with him. He's a really nice guy."
We were both like smiling, not knowing what to say. It was so funny and awkward at the same time. I was actually happy that they said that to him, but you know, that doesn't mean anything. & By complimenting me all the time, it made me uncomfortable, not that I don't appreciate it.. I just don't know how to react when somebody gives me a compliment. But it was nice of them.
I also talked to him about the whole dating thing. His sister and he are not into relationships. They don't believe that when teenagers date, that they could be serious about it. They think that these people just want to copy the adults and act like adults when they're not. I disagree. I know that when I have a relationship, it'll have to be serious. I don't want to have relationships that last 3 weeks. I tried to tell him that it's about the feelings and stuff but he won't change his mind. I know that. The only person who will be able to change his mind, will be the person he will fall in love with. I believe that someday he'll meet someone and that he'll say: "Damn. She's worth it. Relationships are not all about copying others." I want that for him. Doesn't have to be me. He's a good guy, saying he's the wrong guy for me is not right. I'm the wrong girl for him. I can't give him what others may possibly give him. I can't be the girl to dance with at a party because I'm almost never allowed to go out at night. I can't be the "female" type of girl, not like Kell, I can't be the girl who's funny all the time, who's got all her emotions under control all the time, who's always happy. But I know what I can be. I know how I could be with someone, what I could do for someone. I could always be there for someone, I would never leave people hanging, I could stay up all night to help someone, I would do anything I could to help someone. But that is all it. To me, it is not even a lot. People don't even have to notice, because it's something satisfying for me. Sometimes it hurts, though. To see what you're doing for people and then they're not respecting you. That's one of the things I really can't stand. I never ask something in return, the only thing I do ask, is a little bit of respect. Just a little bit. I mean, is that too much?
Anyway, I figured that he and I won't ever be a couple. It's not meant to be. But I do feel that he likes me. I think he does.
So after we went to the library we went back to his house. He showed me around. He showed me his room and stuff. Then we watched TV. In the evening we went to the cinema with his sister. Both still wearing sweatshirt and jogging pants.
We watched 'No strings attached' with Ashton Kutcher and he was sooo sexy. L.W. came too so I didn't dare leaning against him and stuff. I wasn't feeling like it either, so it didn't matter. After the movie he looked at me with this look. So sweet and nice. It was "magical" but I cut the eye contact because it made me nervous. Sometimes it's just the way he looks at me you know. It's just so different from other guys and.. it is sad that we've come this far and still nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen.
Oh and other thing. He showed my profile picture to his sister, before I had met her. That's a good thing right? They both found it "really pretty".
Off the topic. I'm going to English class for a while now. It's every Tuesday and Thursday evening from 6 to 9. I have a nice class, everybody is at least 10 years older than me. Including Ben. He's 23 or 24 or 25, I don't know for sure. He's really handsome. He looks like a shy person. I don't know him very well, but he's nice. He's okay. He has brown hair and blue eyes. That's exactly what I like. Tuesday we talked for the first time and I was so looking forward to meet him again on Thursday but he didn't show. I just thought I'd tell you about him because I felt like it and I'm going to be talking about him a lot.
Also Friday I had my first boxing lesson. It's reaaallly tough. My whole body hurts. I mean, Monday I had yoga, Tuesday and Wednesday I did zumba and I had no pain until boxing lesson. Everything hurts so much. I went with two guys and four other girls and when we arrived it was with a lot of men. They were all men. And we, as girls, had to do the same exercises. I tell you, it's tough!! First half an hour of running, then some tough warm ups, and then technique. I had fun and I think I'm going to continue.
So tomorrow is Valentine's day. Yay.. Umh. I'm not looking forward to it. Last week I had hoped that by now it would've like been something between A.W. and me, but there's been no progress so I guess that will be it.
Oh and also, my dad bought flowers for my mother today. He got her out of the house so I could put the flowers on their bed. So I did, with a little extra. I added some candles and some petals. My dad who had planned this, was also surprised. Almost 20 years of marriage and still.. well, you know, happy.
http://mlle-nn.tumblr.com/post/3278300564/february-13th-2011-do-fall-in-love-with-him