(no subject)
Today was nice because I didnt do much. The best feeling in the world is the feeling you have when you dont have to be some where. Even if you are doing a million things, knowing that you could do whatever you want feels good. I went to a lake by my house and read for a while then fell asleep. It was good because the sun was shinning and there were a lot of people fishing and having birthday parties. When I woke up I decided to go into work, eventhough I knew I would be fired. Well, hoped..because it wouldve been a shame to waste such a beautiful day at Old Navy.
They fired me like I knew they were going to, but I think it annoyed them to see that it didnt upset me. It was fun to go in there with my head high and a smile on my face while I knew every one there was just shocked to see me. Sometimes the key to making things better is pretending that they are ok. I started to panic a little yesterday; sometimes I feel like my life is getting out of control. Like Im slowly losing my hold on it. Anyway, I left and played basketball.
I had a dream last night that I fell in love. That I loved a girl and for fun we told our families that we were getting married. It was a big ordeal and in the end we said just kidding and went on being in love. It was a long dream, but I cant remember what she looked like. I remember she had brown hair. People arent always people in dreams. Sometimes they are just bodies, or faces, or voices; your mind doesnt know the difference. In this dream she was just brown hair.
I got drunk and went bowling before I dreamt the dream, and lost some money at poker. It was fun because it felt like I was doing something. It was terrible because I got drunk, and no one else did, and then I was ashamed because I felt disconnected. Even when I was out with people I found a way to isolate myself. More and more I feel like I am losing my friends because we talk less and less, and I spend more and more time by myself. I feel terribly lonely, I have for the past couple of days.
When I was at the lake today I lay there and tried to think where my life is going, but I couldnt say. I feel like my life is going no where, that it has no purpose. I feel lost more and more lately.. I wish I could find my way.
They fired me like I knew they were going to, but I think it annoyed them to see that it didnt upset me. It was fun to go in there with my head high and a smile on my face while I knew every one there was just shocked to see me. Sometimes the key to making things better is pretending that they are ok. I started to panic a little yesterday; sometimes I feel like my life is getting out of control. Like Im slowly losing my hold on it. Anyway, I left and played basketball.
I had a dream last night that I fell in love. That I loved a girl and for fun we told our families that we were getting married. It was a big ordeal and in the end we said just kidding and went on being in love. It was a long dream, but I cant remember what she looked like. I remember she had brown hair. People arent always people in dreams. Sometimes they are just bodies, or faces, or voices; your mind doesnt know the difference. In this dream she was just brown hair.
I got drunk and went bowling before I dreamt the dream, and lost some money at poker. It was fun because it felt like I was doing something. It was terrible because I got drunk, and no one else did, and then I was ashamed because I felt disconnected. Even when I was out with people I found a way to isolate myself. More and more I feel like I am losing my friends because we talk less and less, and I spend more and more time by myself. I feel terribly lonely, I have for the past couple of days.
When I was at the lake today I lay there and tried to think where my life is going, but I couldnt say. I feel like my life is going no where, that it has no purpose. I feel lost more and more lately.. I wish I could find my way.