dogs & yoga: they're doin' it wrong
Dogs + yoga = "Doga." No, really, go read that.
I would say I don't have words, but I've thought about it and I have quite a few. I'll skip the WTF, because I'm sure you're right there with me. I'll also skip the "but dogs don't need yoga," because again I assume you're right there with me.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, but this is just the sort of whimsically insane thing I would expect Indi to do! I have a dog and I do yoga, but that's not the point. One, this looks crazy; and two - hey. I'm sure I'd get months' worth of amusement out of attending a "doga" class, but I'd also only ever be able to go one time, since Riley would get us kicked out for ruining the flow of positive chi. Either she'd pick a fight with someone or she'd emit loads of negative chi from her rear. Maybe both.
Now. Riley - being a two-year-old child in a dog suit - likes to be near the center of attention when she can't be the center of attention. She likes to participate. If I'm doing anything she's nearby, watching and interfering and getting in my way. I've adapted to this, because it's a Boxer thing, and you can't get a Boxer to go away any more than you can get a Border Collie to stop building a nuclear reactor in the garage. This means that when I am doing yoga Riley is there supervising. Or interfering. Or thinking it's play time. I've mentioned this before.
I would like to propose a list of more realistic dog-assisted asanas, with which I have personal experience. (By that I mean bruises.) These work best when Dog is of goodly size; if your Dog is too light to knock you off your balance, or small enough to be injured when you fall on top of it, borrow a larger one.
1. Cow and Calf. Human gets into Cow pose. Dog crawls under Human and nuzzles Human's belly with face-whiskers, because Dog knows that if Human is touched on the belly, Human makes all manner of funny noises. Human's job, therefore, is to hold the posture (with extensions, balancing, whatever) while being tickled. This is good for abdominal muscles and preparation for future tickle-torture.
2. Hidden Soldier Under Collapsing Structure. Human gets into Plank pose. Dog belly-crawls, like soldiers do, under Human. Human thus cannot get out of Plank until Dog leaves. Dog, however, is hiding from the bad guys and WILL NOT MOVE. Human holds Plank until arms give out, at which point Dog gets squished. This works your biceps, legs, etc. Do not, however, attempt Side Plank with Dog beneath you.
3. Tree and Lumberjack. Human assumes Tree pose. Dog, therefore, will be the Lumberjack, whose job it is to fell the Tree. Dog can use any method to knock Human down: licking feet, hip-checks, jumping up, throwing toys. This is good for balance, patience, and learning how to say "fuck off, you rotten monster" on the inbreath.
4. Get Off The Mat Before Your Claws Put Holes In It. Human will say this a lot. Dog won't actually do it. This is good for learning what it's like to have children.
5. Wake The Dead. Human is in Corpse pose. Dog does not like this corpse business and wants Human to act alive again. Dog's goal is to get Human to stop relaxing and start reacting. This is, again, good for learning how to not get distracted.
Doga. I really don't know how this can be in any way serious.
I would say I don't have words, but I've thought about it and I have quite a few. I'll skip the WTF, because I'm sure you're right there with me. I'll also skip the "but dogs don't need yoga," because again I assume you're right there with me.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, but this is just the sort of whimsically insane thing I would expect Indi to do! I have a dog and I do yoga, but that's not the point. One, this looks crazy; and two - hey. I'm sure I'd get months' worth of amusement out of attending a "doga" class, but I'd also only ever be able to go one time, since Riley would get us kicked out for ruining the flow of positive chi. Either she'd pick a fight with someone or she'd emit loads of negative chi from her rear. Maybe both.
Now. Riley - being a two-year-old child in a dog suit - likes to be near the center of attention when she can't be the center of attention. She likes to participate. If I'm doing anything she's nearby, watching and interfering and getting in my way. I've adapted to this, because it's a Boxer thing, and you can't get a Boxer to go away any more than you can get a Border Collie to stop building a nuclear reactor in the garage. This means that when I am doing yoga Riley is there supervising. Or interfering. Or thinking it's play time. I've mentioned this before.
I would like to propose a list of more realistic dog-assisted asanas, with which I have personal experience. (By that I mean bruises.) These work best when Dog is of goodly size; if your Dog is too light to knock you off your balance, or small enough to be injured when you fall on top of it, borrow a larger one.
1. Cow and Calf. Human gets into Cow pose. Dog crawls under Human and nuzzles Human's belly with face-whiskers, because Dog knows that if Human is touched on the belly, Human makes all manner of funny noises. Human's job, therefore, is to hold the posture (with extensions, balancing, whatever) while being tickled. This is good for abdominal muscles and preparation for future tickle-torture.
2. Hidden Soldier Under Collapsing Structure. Human gets into Plank pose. Dog belly-crawls, like soldiers do, under Human. Human thus cannot get out of Plank until Dog leaves. Dog, however, is hiding from the bad guys and WILL NOT MOVE. Human holds Plank until arms give out, at which point Dog gets squished. This works your biceps, legs, etc. Do not, however, attempt Side Plank with Dog beneath you.
3. Tree and Lumberjack. Human assumes Tree pose. Dog, therefore, will be the Lumberjack, whose job it is to fell the Tree. Dog can use any method to knock Human down: licking feet, hip-checks, jumping up, throwing toys. This is good for balance, patience, and learning how to say "fuck off, you rotten monster" on the inbreath.
4. Get Off The Mat Before Your Claws Put Holes In It. Human will say this a lot. Dog won't actually do it. This is good for learning what it's like to have children.
5. Wake The Dead. Human is in Corpse pose. Dog does not like this corpse business and wants Human to act alive again. Dog's goal is to get Human to stop relaxing and start reacting. This is, again, good for learning how to not get distracted.
Doga. I really don't know how this can be in any way serious.