I Hate This Right Now
I am so tired of all of this. All of it. Me, mainly. I can't do a single thing right anymore and it pisses me off. The day started out great, despite the rough night I had last night that I finally overcome. I clung to a teddy bear with Jeremiah's picture on it for a long while in order to calm myself down. Pretty sad huh? Heh. But I eventually got over it. This morning I woke up after having a terrible dream that someone was trying to kill me and I was in a good mood. I helped out around the house and made supper and such, then all of a sudden, out of no where, me and my dad get into it. It wasn't really anything. It just made me realize that I really am a bitch no matter what any of you tell me.
Then, while I was in my room, clinging once again to the teddy bear, thoughts entered my mind that just made me cry more. Don't you ever do that? Start thinking of things completely un-related to the things that made you start crying to begin with and then just cry more? I got to thinking about Jeremiah again, this time, and about how it seemed like forever since I got to talk to him and then I started thinking he was not wanting to talk to me and that really dug deep into my heart because he's not like that...But, then I got even more upset because when he doesn't want to answer something, he'll ignore the question and everytime I asked if I could call this weekend, he never answered and made it seem like he was avoiding the question..I doubt that's what was going on, but that's what it seemed like and now it's killing me because I want to talk to him so damn badly right now. I miss him and I know that's what's making my upset so easily. I'm just ready for tomorrow. I need to see him. I need to give him a hug and a kiss and tell him I love him.
God, I really should shut up. Me. Ranting to a stupid online journal. It's not helping any. The only thing that would help right now is Jeremiah, and I don't even know if I'll be able to say hi to him, today..:(
Then, while I was in my room, clinging once again to the teddy bear, thoughts entered my mind that just made me cry more. Don't you ever do that? Start thinking of things completely un-related to the things that made you start crying to begin with and then just cry more? I got to thinking about Jeremiah again, this time, and about how it seemed like forever since I got to talk to him and then I started thinking he was not wanting to talk to me and that really dug deep into my heart because he's not like that...But, then I got even more upset because when he doesn't want to answer something, he'll ignore the question and everytime I asked if I could call this weekend, he never answered and made it seem like he was avoiding the question..I doubt that's what was going on, but that's what it seemed like and now it's killing me because I want to talk to him so damn badly right now. I miss him and I know that's what's making my upset so easily. I'm just ready for tomorrow. I need to see him. I need to give him a hug and a kiss and tell him I love him.
God, I really should shut up. Me. Ranting to a stupid online journal. It's not helping any. The only thing that would help right now is Jeremiah, and I don't even know if I'll be able to say hi to him, today..:(