oh, i ain't speaking your name, keep my name out of your mouth
So this had bothered me early last night. I had talked to Jenni and apparently a certain someone has told her that I "used" him and then "moved on to the next guy". Now, this doesn't bother me because of what he said, I know he doesn't actually believe that and it's something that he's needing to tell himself to make the collapse of our friendship hurt less and it doesn't bother me that he told Jenni because she knows me better than that as does every single person who I can genuienly call a friend. Besides, I've been playing WoW for ... three years now? It's not like he's the first to offer to do so much for me in the game, but he IS the first I let do so because I had thought that it was motivated out of friendship in addition to the other things. I'm not stupid, I know the other things played a role, I know his heart was on the line, but it all fell so fast and so far.
To be honest, it sucked that we couldn't remain friends, even though it oftentimes felt like he'd get upset at any attention I paid to anyone but him. Even with all the eggshells I had started to walk on, it didn't matter because he was special to me. But this? This really makes it easier. It's sad that our friendship disintegrated to the point where he feels the need to slander me to others and that he felt the need to lie to me about selling his account - that is actually what bothers me about the whole thing.
But you know what? I just can't bring myself to get as sick or down about it as I had anticipated when I first heard. I thought something bad had come from all of this, in addition to what said person was spewing, as I was spilling all of my frustrations and truths to a friend ... but I'm starting to think that last night needed to happen. And I can't feel anything but happy, not when surrounded by such wonderful human beings who hold a light for me in my darkest nights.
You can't be happy all the time, it's necessary to feel pain. To feel stupid. But you take my pain and you turn it into joy.
To be honest, it sucked that we couldn't remain friends, even though it oftentimes felt like he'd get upset at any attention I paid to anyone but him. Even with all the eggshells I had started to walk on, it didn't matter because he was special to me. But this? This really makes it easier. It's sad that our friendship disintegrated to the point where he feels the need to slander me to others and that he felt the need to lie to me about selling his account - that is actually what bothers me about the whole thing.
But you know what? I just can't bring myself to get as sick or down about it as I had anticipated when I first heard. I thought something bad had come from all of this, in addition to what said person was spewing, as I was spilling all of my frustrations and truths to a friend ... but I'm starting to think that last night needed to happen. And I can't feel anything but happy, not when surrounded by such wonderful human beings who hold a light for me in my darkest nights.
You can't be happy all the time, it's necessary to feel pain. To feel stupid. But you take my pain and you turn it into joy.