you may emerge from this more dead than alive
Just once ... ONCE ... would I like to have a happy dream. Though I think with how insecure I felt going to bed last night this isn't really surprising. Since I almost never remember my dreams, this one is going down.
We were going picnicing up in the mountains. I don't know who "we" is, the only person I know for sure was there was Uth because I couldn't seem to get ahold of him and then when he was there he kept walking by me as if he couldn't see me. Then we were there, it was pitch black and I got out by myself and started walking with Mango in my arms. I didn't get very far before I saw a mountain lion and paniced. But it's strange, because my thoughts as I was slinking away, trying not to piss him off where of Mango and sheer terror at the thought that if the lion pounced me, there would be no one to protect Mango.
I cut across a divide to a huge, open picnic grounds and it was suddenly daylight. There were children and puppies everywhere, all playing with no seeming regard to the mountain lion lurking in the shadows. I approached the only two adults standing in the middle of it all and inquired about how dangerous the mountain lion was. They brushed off the inquiry and continued their own conversation as I watched the lion circle and growl in the background. It left me horrified. There were all of these small and very vulnerable beings running around the camp ground and no one but me seemed to be worried about their welfare. I sat there for a very long time thinking that there was no way to keep them all safe, clutching Mango tightly to my chest.
The second dream ... the beginnings of it are fuzzy. But I was in a car with my mother and she kicked me out. She had to be with a man and I couldn't go. There was a bottle of alcohol on the floor of the car, I stared at it as she left me alone on the road. She told me to call if I needed her.
I was back in a white house with large windows and it was approaching dark. My cousin Corinn was there and she, too, was dismissive of me. I kept looking outside as the sky got darker and thinking "please, mommy, come home". Something bad was going to happen and I needed her there. I don't know what it was, but the feeling of dread overtook me. I went to grab my cellphone and then noticed hers lying right next to mine. I tried calling anyway: "Hi, this is Linda .... ". The dream ended somewhere with me standing at the door, looking outside with my phone pressed to my chest. She wasn't coming home.
My stomach still hurts a little from those, they were pretty intense. And just like that, I was transported back to that little girl in the white dress, sitting on the stairs outside my grandparent's house, waiting for someone who never showed up ... I really hope that as the day progresses, those dreams become a distant memory.
We were going picnicing up in the mountains. I don't know who "we" is, the only person I know for sure was there was Uth because I couldn't seem to get ahold of him and then when he was there he kept walking by me as if he couldn't see me. Then we were there, it was pitch black and I got out by myself and started walking with Mango in my arms. I didn't get very far before I saw a mountain lion and paniced. But it's strange, because my thoughts as I was slinking away, trying not to piss him off where of Mango and sheer terror at the thought that if the lion pounced me, there would be no one to protect Mango.
I cut across a divide to a huge, open picnic grounds and it was suddenly daylight. There were children and puppies everywhere, all playing with no seeming regard to the mountain lion lurking in the shadows. I approached the only two adults standing in the middle of it all and inquired about how dangerous the mountain lion was. They brushed off the inquiry and continued their own conversation as I watched the lion circle and growl in the background. It left me horrified. There were all of these small and very vulnerable beings running around the camp ground and no one but me seemed to be worried about their welfare. I sat there for a very long time thinking that there was no way to keep them all safe, clutching Mango tightly to my chest.
The second dream ... the beginnings of it are fuzzy. But I was in a car with my mother and she kicked me out. She had to be with a man and I couldn't go. There was a bottle of alcohol on the floor of the car, I stared at it as she left me alone on the road. She told me to call if I needed her.
I was back in a white house with large windows and it was approaching dark. My cousin Corinn was there and she, too, was dismissive of me. I kept looking outside as the sky got darker and thinking "please, mommy, come home". Something bad was going to happen and I needed her there. I don't know what it was, but the feeling of dread overtook me. I went to grab my cellphone and then noticed hers lying right next to mine. I tried calling anyway: "Hi, this is Linda .... ". The dream ended somewhere with me standing at the door, looking outside with my phone pressed to my chest. She wasn't coming home.
My stomach still hurts a little from those, they were pretty intense. And just like that, I was transported back to that little girl in the white dress, sitting on the stairs outside my grandparent's house, waiting for someone who never showed up ... I really hope that as the day progresses, those dreams become a distant memory.