bearing the gift of a new heart, patience ablaze I'm slowly burning
Two goals, have I set for myself ...
1.) It's time to get a new hamster. I know going in that it's a bad idea, that the little guy will cause me much stress and heartache for such a short life span ... But I can't help it. I love hamsters and looking at old pictures of Bonk and Peanut gave me an almost physical ache, remember how much joy they brought me in that short period of time. But, God, do I ever have the worst luck with hamsters. It may not be smart but it's time. And, as my father told me when Peanut died, I probably gave him a better life than most people would who buy them for their four year old children. It's time to get a new little guy to lavish love upon and give an awesome, if short, hamster happy life.
2.) I really, really need to get back into photography. It will never be ideal because part of my love of photography came in creating something physical - developing the film, perfecting the crop on an enlarger and watching as the photo paper slowly turned differing shades of black and grey. Capturing the image on film was only half the battle. But I guess if everyone else can let go and move to digital, so can I. It's indescribably fulfilling to capture something of beauty on film. I miss it.
Life has been good lately. Even when I get a little down, I never stay on the floor for too terribly long. And I know I have Stephen to thank for so very much of that. I feel like I could probably write a post about him each day, with a new tale of something he said or did that brightened my day. He has brought so much joy into my life, not just by being his amazing self but by reassuring me that good people like him do exist. I am happy to live in a world where there are Stephens. Even when we talk about things that make me sad, I always finish the conversation feeling better about these things than I have in years and suddenly my chest doesn't feel so heavy. He is so full of light, love and goodness, I can't imagine how anyone has ever made him feel anything other than awe-inspiring.
He also said something to me the other night and I'm not sure he knows quite how much it meant to me. How it erased a lot of hurts and insecurities I'd been having, made me feel ... treasured. I feel like I can never do this justice with words but really I just hope that I return 1/5th to him what he's given me.
1.) It's time to get a new hamster. I know going in that it's a bad idea, that the little guy will cause me much stress and heartache for such a short life span ... But I can't help it. I love hamsters and looking at old pictures of Bonk and Peanut gave me an almost physical ache, remember how much joy they brought me in that short period of time. But, God, do I ever have the worst luck with hamsters. It may not be smart but it's time. And, as my father told me when Peanut died, I probably gave him a better life than most people would who buy them for their four year old children. It's time to get a new little guy to lavish love upon and give an awesome, if short, hamster happy life.
2.) I really, really need to get back into photography. It will never be ideal because part of my love of photography came in creating something physical - developing the film, perfecting the crop on an enlarger and watching as the photo paper slowly turned differing shades of black and grey. Capturing the image on film was only half the battle. But I guess if everyone else can let go and move to digital, so can I. It's indescribably fulfilling to capture something of beauty on film. I miss it.
Life has been good lately. Even when I get a little down, I never stay on the floor for too terribly long. And I know I have Stephen to thank for so very much of that. I feel like I could probably write a post about him each day, with a new tale of something he said or did that brightened my day. He has brought so much joy into my life, not just by being his amazing self but by reassuring me that good people like him do exist. I am happy to live in a world where there are Stephens. Even when we talk about things that make me sad, I always finish the conversation feeling better about these things than I have in years and suddenly my chest doesn't feel so heavy. He is so full of light, love and goodness, I can't imagine how anyone has ever made him feel anything other than awe-inspiring.
He also said something to me the other night and I'm not sure he knows quite how much it meant to me. How it erased a lot of hurts and insecurities I'd been having, made me feel ... treasured. I feel like I can never do this justice with words but really I just hope that I return 1/5th to him what he's given me.