we are made to bleed and scab and heal and bleed again, and turn every scar into a joke
Four days, four migraines ... Oh, birth control, how I adore thee. I swear, if I balloon up like I did last time I am going to quit this crap forever and remain celibate. Seriously. So far it's been way more trouble than it's worth.
On a happier note, my dad got me back into running and I've been doing it fairly consistently (minus the mystery pain which, ugh, sprung back up last night) for about four months or so and I've lost 17 pounds. I'm pretty damn impressed with myself, that's the longest I've been strict with this. I've also been limiting myself, pretty much, to one meal a day which I guess isn't healthy but I feel fine so I'm not really going to worry about it right now. Body image is pretty interesting ... 17 pounds on someone who is 5'1" is a lot, but I never felt that I was "fat" previously and yet I am still not quite satisfied with the loss and want to lose about another 10.
My dad, last time he visited, brought an old picture of me from middle school and prefaced the picture by saying, "Look at how skinny you were". I've worked, for many years, under the assumption that I was fat (like FAT) in middle school, but the girl I saw in the picture was, in fact, skinny. How can our perceptions about ourselves be so off? I specifically remember not understanding why boys wanted to date me when I was so plump. Why are girls psychotic? Like, it's pretty damn scary to me that I had this image of myself for all of these years just to only now have it dispelled. Strange.
As a general ending note, I am really, really happy with life right now. It's like everything has fallen into place and the dust has settled. Clarity is amazing. Also, it was really hard for me not to talk about "The Game" in this entry. But I resisted.
On a happier note, my dad got me back into running and I've been doing it fairly consistently (minus the mystery pain which, ugh, sprung back up last night) for about four months or so and I've lost 17 pounds. I'm pretty damn impressed with myself, that's the longest I've been strict with this. I've also been limiting myself, pretty much, to one meal a day which I guess isn't healthy but I feel fine so I'm not really going to worry about it right now. Body image is pretty interesting ... 17 pounds on someone who is 5'1" is a lot, but I never felt that I was "fat" previously and yet I am still not quite satisfied with the loss and want to lose about another 10.
My dad, last time he visited, brought an old picture of me from middle school and prefaced the picture by saying, "Look at how skinny you were". I've worked, for many years, under the assumption that I was fat (like FAT) in middle school, but the girl I saw in the picture was, in fact, skinny. How can our perceptions about ourselves be so off? I specifically remember not understanding why boys wanted to date me when I was so plump. Why are girls psychotic? Like, it's pretty damn scary to me that I had this image of myself for all of these years just to only now have it dispelled. Strange.
As a general ending note, I am really, really happy with life right now. It's like everything has fallen into place and the dust has settled. Clarity is amazing. Also, it was really hard for me not to talk about "The Game" in this entry. But I resisted.