Contradictions
On the one hand:
I woke up this morning, paid the rent, took down the trash, made lunch (and remembered to bring it to work). I even brought my gym bag because I'm totally going to the gym today. I worked 20 minutes into my lunch break (why? It's not like I care about work...).
On the other hand:
Last night I didn't go to the gym. Didn't even pretend like I wanted to. I came home ate like the world's weirdest bachelorette (homemade tortillas and black bean dip! ...also 'nilla wafers! And a slice of left over pizza.) I ran a hot bath, and discovered that there was only about a glass left in the bottle. So... I just drank the wine out of the bottle while reading a Carl Hiaasen mystery.
Though, I did do the dishes and go to bed on time. So you know.
I don't even know why I felt the need to share this, but I guess a lot of my life is like that. Candice pays the bills on time! Only to be followed with Candice spends money frivolously! Candice runs at 5mph for 20min! Then Candice steadfastly refuses to go to the gym for six days.
It's total feast or famine. I'm like the little girl with the curl, when I'm good I am very, very good. But when I am bad, I am... perhaps not horrid, but really, really lazy. I think my problem is that I always want to be the girl that gets everything done, from exercise to work to social engagement to chores. I never want to be the girl that lets things slip by her.
And yet, looking at that list up there I'd rather be the girl that managed to achieve some balance and consistency.
Another feast or famine topic: dating.
Boy from Dallas and I met in August and broke up in November. Before him was... Boy Who Keeps calling back from Feb to April of '09. Before HIM was... Epic Loser from, get this, Aug '08 - Nov '08. Basically, I'm past due for another dispassionate exercise in why this guy seems nice, but somehow doesn't ever prompt me to become invested.
I have made a lot of new friends lately. I have a wonderfully full social life that I sometimes can't keep up with. I have friends from high school, from fandom, from work, from friends of friends. All of them, and many of them lovely female friends. Most of whom are single, some in happy relationships. All of them profess to not to know either a) any single men, b) any one they would want me to meet, or c) anyone that they themselves are not crushing on.
We do go out and about. We dress nicely and sit in restaurants and bars with a drink in our hands. Trouble is 99% of the time I'm not going out with these ladies to ignore or abandon them when a man wanders over. 75% of the time I'm not even looking at who else is in the bar. I go walking around town lake, and pass men who are trucking along trying to reach optimum beats per minute. I go to the grocery store and mostly get angry at people for holding up the lines. I go to a super cheap gym (ie- not a place to meet a go-getter!) where everyone either looks 15 or 45 because they're in gym clothes.
My mother informed me this weekend (jokingly) that part of the reason she was buying me shoes was she wanted to "pretty me up and marry me off." I laughed. But also I SIGHED QUITE A BIT. My singleness is not about me not meeting men because I don't take care of myself. I do. I'm not the hottest thing EVER, but what I've got I work with. It's not that I only ever go to work, or my house. I'm out there! In the public! Among the people.
Long story short: Internet dating. I swore I would NEVER go back to you. I've tried it, off and on for the three YEARS and it was always a HUGE disappointment.
But. What else do I do? ;____;
(Note: Please do not provide the following advice 1) get a hobby. 2) stop looking.)
I woke up this morning, paid the rent, took down the trash, made lunch (and remembered to bring it to work). I even brought my gym bag because I'm totally going to the gym today. I worked 20 minutes into my lunch break (why? It's not like I care about work...).
On the other hand:
Last night I didn't go to the gym. Didn't even pretend like I wanted to. I came home ate like the world's weirdest bachelorette (homemade tortillas and black bean dip! ...also 'nilla wafers! And a slice of left over pizza.) I ran a hot bath, and discovered that there was only about a glass left in the bottle. So... I just drank the wine out of the bottle while reading a Carl Hiaasen mystery.
Though, I did do the dishes and go to bed on time. So you know.
I don't even know why I felt the need to share this, but I guess a lot of my life is like that. Candice pays the bills on time! Only to be followed with Candice spends money frivolously! Candice runs at 5mph for 20min! Then Candice steadfastly refuses to go to the gym for six days.
It's total feast or famine. I'm like the little girl with the curl, when I'm good I am very, very good. But when I am bad, I am... perhaps not horrid, but really, really lazy. I think my problem is that I always want to be the girl that gets everything done, from exercise to work to social engagement to chores. I never want to be the girl that lets things slip by her.
And yet, looking at that list up there I'd rather be the girl that managed to achieve some balance and consistency.
Another feast or famine topic: dating.
Boy from Dallas and I met in August and broke up in November. Before him was... Boy Who Keeps calling back from Feb to April of '09. Before HIM was... Epic Loser from, get this, Aug '08 - Nov '08. Basically, I'm past due for another dispassionate exercise in why this guy seems nice, but somehow doesn't ever prompt me to become invested.
I have made a lot of new friends lately. I have a wonderfully full social life that I sometimes can't keep up with. I have friends from high school, from fandom, from work, from friends of friends. All of them, and many of them lovely female friends. Most of whom are single, some in happy relationships. All of them profess to not to know either a) any single men, b) any one they would want me to meet, or c) anyone that they themselves are not crushing on.
We do go out and about. We dress nicely and sit in restaurants and bars with a drink in our hands. Trouble is 99% of the time I'm not going out with these ladies to ignore or abandon them when a man wanders over. 75% of the time I'm not even looking at who else is in the bar. I go walking around town lake, and pass men who are trucking along trying to reach optimum beats per minute. I go to the grocery store and mostly get angry at people for holding up the lines. I go to a super cheap gym (ie- not a place to meet a go-getter!) where everyone either looks 15 or 45 because they're in gym clothes.
My mother informed me this weekend (jokingly) that part of the reason she was buying me shoes was she wanted to "pretty me up and marry me off." I laughed. But also I SIGHED QUITE A BIT. My singleness is not about me not meeting men because I don't take care of myself. I do. I'm not the hottest thing EVER, but what I've got I work with. It's not that I only ever go to work, or my house. I'm out there! In the public! Among the people.
Long story short: Internet dating. I swore I would NEVER go back to you. I've tried it, off and on for the three YEARS and it was always a HUGE disappointment.
But. What else do I do? ;____;
(Note: Please do not provide the following advice 1) get a hobby. 2) stop looking.)