No mo' woe is me
So I had a weekend that was a little lackluster. It wasn't unhappy, really, but it did sort of threaten to become maudlin. It wasn't that I wanted to do one thing or the other and didn't, but I was never really satisfied.
I did eat a bit too much, in a sort of bored, aimless way. I wasn't happy about what and how I was eating, but somehow I wasn't really able to stop myself. I was tired of being lonely, but when a friend offered to introduce me to a guy friend, I spent the whole evening convincing myself it was gonna be a bust (which it was).
Anyway, I came to the conclusion that really, I'm the only person that has any bearing on my life anymore. If I'm bored it's because I'm not doing something interesting, if I'm gaining weight, it's because I'm deciding I want to indulge, if I'm lonely it's because I'm not calling people. When I wonder why I'm not happy with something in my life it's usually due to a choice that I have made.
Today was the first day of the lunar new year, four days into my 25th year, and coming to the end of my cycle. It felt like a good time to start anew. I felt at once creative and at the end of my rope. Seemed serendipitous.
So. I'm starting anew.
And well, it's only the first day, but somehow it sort of clicked. I just... wasn't as hungry today. I thought about getting an extra snack at lunch, and then again when I went to the grocery store. But I just didn't. I wasn't A-1 gang buster at work, but I did get a fair bit done, and the boss gave me a project today that involved writing an article which is a surprising treat. I even ran today (and subsequently found out just how much of my stamina I'd whiled away watching TV). Fuck, I even did the dishes.
Feels good. And I thought it a good idea to keep a record of it, so tomorrow, when I try to buy a cupcake after lunch, or not do the laundry, or whatever the heck, I'll remember that I actually like being semi-productive, mostly healthy, and slightly optimistic.
PS- WHY isn't episode 4.12 up on iTunes? Or hulu? I never wanted to buy an episode or even watch it for free before, and yet the first time that I'm dyin' to get my little hands on one, no luck. cwtv.com wants me to download a media player and I just hate downloading little apps that I forget to ever uninstall. Seriously, iTunes, just cut me some slack.
I did eat a bit too much, in a sort of bored, aimless way. I wasn't happy about what and how I was eating, but somehow I wasn't really able to stop myself. I was tired of being lonely, but when a friend offered to introduce me to a guy friend, I spent the whole evening convincing myself it was gonna be a bust (which it was).
Anyway, I came to the conclusion that really, I'm the only person that has any bearing on my life anymore. If I'm bored it's because I'm not doing something interesting, if I'm gaining weight, it's because I'm deciding I want to indulge, if I'm lonely it's because I'm not calling people. When I wonder why I'm not happy with something in my life it's usually due to a choice that I have made.
Today was the first day of the lunar new year, four days into my 25th year, and coming to the end of my cycle. It felt like a good time to start anew. I felt at once creative and at the end of my rope. Seemed serendipitous.
So. I'm starting anew.
And well, it's only the first day, but somehow it sort of clicked. I just... wasn't as hungry today. I thought about getting an extra snack at lunch, and then again when I went to the grocery store. But I just didn't. I wasn't A-1 gang buster at work, but I did get a fair bit done, and the boss gave me a project today that involved writing an article which is a surprising treat. I even ran today (and subsequently found out just how much of my stamina I'd whiled away watching TV). Fuck, I even did the dishes.
Feels good. And I thought it a good idea to keep a record of it, so tomorrow, when I try to buy a cupcake after lunch, or not do the laundry, or whatever the heck, I'll remember that I actually like being semi-productive, mostly healthy, and slightly optimistic.
PS- WHY isn't episode 4.12 up on iTunes? Or hulu? I never wanted to buy an episode or even watch it for free before, and yet the first time that I'm dyin' to get my little hands on one, no luck. cwtv.com wants me to download a media player and I just hate downloading little apps that I forget to ever uninstall. Seriously, iTunes, just cut me some slack.