my head on your chest waiting to cave in...
i dont know exactly how im feeling right now. i really cant explain it, so i thought i would try.
he texted me saying that he was at the hospital because he blew a .178 and the cops were worried about high it was. i was worried up until he told me. i was worried until he contacted me after 5 hours. why dont i care right now? why am i just brushing it off like it really isnt shit.
i keep thinking about if im beginning to put my walls up again. like... my boyfriend was just about to get really fucked and i just didnt get a bad feeling in my stomach like i should have. what is wrong with me?
am i acting this way so i dont get hurt? or to brace myself for whats coming up?
or am i just thinking too much about this. i want that to be the case. i want to see him and have everything go back to normal for me, but its just hard to see that happen right now.
for the first time, im not all that excited about seeing him. but i also feel like im not excited in general to do anything. im not even excited to go back to school right now. i just want time to myself.
but thats all ive been fucking doing though. spending some damn quality time with myself.
i am hurt, confused, lonely, anxious, nervous, scared as fuck, confused, and i do not know what the fuck to do.
i do not know what the fuck to do when everything i thought was good, isnt good anymore.
he texted me saying that he was at the hospital because he blew a .178 and the cops were worried about high it was. i was worried up until he told me. i was worried until he contacted me after 5 hours. why dont i care right now? why am i just brushing it off like it really isnt shit.
i keep thinking about if im beginning to put my walls up again. like... my boyfriend was just about to get really fucked and i just didnt get a bad feeling in my stomach like i should have. what is wrong with me?
am i acting this way so i dont get hurt? or to brace myself for whats coming up?
or am i just thinking too much about this. i want that to be the case. i want to see him and have everything go back to normal for me, but its just hard to see that happen right now.
for the first time, im not all that excited about seeing him. but i also feel like im not excited in general to do anything. im not even excited to go back to school right now. i just want time to myself.
but thats all ive been fucking doing though. spending some damn quality time with myself.
i am hurt, confused, lonely, anxious, nervous, scared as fuck, confused, and i do not know what the fuck to do.
i do not know what the fuck to do when everything i thought was good, isnt good anymore.