Yone&Machi
it's letsgetfunkasy's fault XDDD;
1.
When he closed his eyes, he could see the world.
When he stopped listening, there was a symphony in his head.
It was not a secret to any of them, they have learned it the same way, rumors before the actual words ("Ohno is debuting.", "Ohno, Sho, Matsumoto, Ninomiya and Aiba are debuting together.", "But what about Musical Academy?", "I'd always known Ohno would debut.") Musical Academy chose to stay silent. Machida usually ignored the words, ignored the reality. He wasn't against Ohno debuting, he knew more than anyone how talented the man was, but he was also smart enough to know that they will never be able to dance together from now on.
Hara was trying to find out more from the higher-ups, while Akiyama kept trying to cheer the mood up with some stuff other than those about music, debuting, hawaii.
It was around that time Hara came back with Yonehana and Yara. Machida didn't remember it clearly, nor did he at first care much about it. This part of the deal was business. He knew them ofcourse, he knew that with Yonehana's acrobatics and Yara's dancing MA wouldn't be less than what it was with Ohno.
Machida would.
He could only stay around for three months. It was exhausting. Too many things swirling around him, wanting attention, wanting hardwork, wanting dedication- and Machida was overwhelmed. With the corner of his eye he watched Ohno try hard by his own, he could see his best friend struggling with those emotions as well ("Can I be enough?", "Will I be popular?", "Is Arashi better without me?") and it drained Machida even more.
It was around that time he started to talk to Yonehana. Yone could understand, in a way. He and Yara were together with Sho, so he could understand. He would at least try.
It was around that time that he made his decision to leave. Yonehana was kind, he was supporting and Machida found the bravery he didn't have with the help of the younger boy. ("I can't focus on dancing here..." He would whine and Yonehana would listen..."I think you're doing fine, though.")
Sometimes he shut the world around him and created one of his own.
Sometimes he needed hands to catch him before he fell in too deep.
He watched them.
He watched Ohno radiate with four other around him, and the light around him grew bigger and bigger. At times, after long hours of dancing, he'd notice mails in his phone and they'd be from Ohno ("How are you doing?", "Work hard~!", "TV tonight, I'll dance for you ★"). And Machida would always reply. He would always watch.
And he would compare.
He was jealous. He was jealous of the light Ohno seemed to give around him, and the screams that were so familiar to his ear. He was jealous of how Yonehana and Yara were MA now, and how he could dance to that song as well. He was jealous of Akiyama and Hara who could go on after all they've gone through...
He would shut the TV down but the music would still play in his mind.
He had to be there. He met Renji during his off hours, and they spoke for long hours, and stood in silence just as long. ("Don't you miss it there?",Machida would ask. "I feel relieved.",) And the first time Machida admitted his feelings were to Renji.
"You know...I feel like I lost. I shouldn't be giving up."
The answer was simple. It was a smile and a poke, 'Then why don't you go back?'. Machida didn't know if he could...
...And life is full of choices. Giving up, giving in, having courage, going back, not regretting, regretting, missing, going on.
A rollercoaster of emotions.
"Please allow me to come back."
And he was back.
2.
It was some time around 2005.
("I'm going to ask Office to let me marry her.")
Ofcourse they were happy , regardless of the small worries eating their heart- would they let him? Would it be alright? They've already met her, she's been there in almost every time they were on stage, cheering for her boyfriend.
Machida knew something would go wrong.
"Won't you wait? We've just started having concerts, I think you should wait a bit longer..."
But Akiyama laughed it off, his eyes smiling. Nothing would happen, he's old enough.
("Old enough, my ass." Yonehana would later say, as stressed as Machida was. Yara was nowhere to be seen and so was Akiyama - though none of them saw much of him lately.)
It was two years later that the office decided Akiyama's girlfriend went too far and stopped all of Akiyama's activities until he broke up with her. He didn't break up with her though, but left them instead.
Yonehana knew it was the last string that got cut off which was holding Machida together.
Because slowly everyone starts to leave. Everyone has a life to build. Around me, excluding me.
Perhaps dancing is more important than friendship. Perhaps dancing IS friendship to him.
"Please ask him to come back." -Please allow him to come back-
Akiyama sent them invitations for his marriage.
Machida didn't go.
3.
They've gone through a lot of things. Lost a lot of things. Had to let go of a lot of chances, and now they're at the beginning point. They didn't really want to go forward for the time being, it didn't feel right without Akiyama.
It wasn't at Osaka when they noticed something was wrong with Machida.
KinKi were busy with rehearsals and soundchecks most of the time so it was a shock to them (Had Koichi known, he would make him stop). Yara noticed it before the concerts started (But he had thought that he would stop when the concerts start, he would know better.) Yonehana noticed it long before Yara did, from the way Machida danced, from the way he looked, from the way he spoke.
It was kind of obvious.
...seven and eight, and one and two and three and four...
The dance rehearsals started at 8 am. Ended around 7 pm, mostly, with affordable breaks. Machida would only stop for few minutes to drink from his water, wipe off his sweat and then it'd be back to dancing for him.
He would close his eyes and ignore everything else.
Yonehana watched him. He watched the other dance his heart out, putting every emotion he has into his moves, as if trying to fight off his fears and sadness. With every sharp move he is avenging everything that was taken away from him. With every move he could not make, he is trying harder, without resting, without breathing.
Sweat glimmered on his skin, and Yonehana knew by the time they were all about to leave Machida's muscles must've been aching like crazy. Even for a dancer that was tough practice.
"Maachin. Won't you stop for a while?"
(When Yonehana speaks, no matter how soft it is, you hear it. No matter how kind he is, what he says is always true. )
Machida stopped and looked at Yone, breathless, body almost giving up, but the dancer standing straight. "Yone...You go ahead. I'll be out in a minute."
Yonehana knew he was there for 5 more hours, until the place shut down.
4.
"Do you want to die? Is that it?"
I'm sorry.
"Or do you want to kill us from worry?"
I'm sorry.
"You have to put yourself together Maachin..."
I know...
"We can't afford to lose you..."
I'm sorry..
"I can't afford to lose you."
It doesn't happen right away, nor it is a strong one at first.
But at a place where all of Machida's mental strings disappeared, a new one appears.
Omake(originally in the comments XD)
The first time their lips meet Machida can't help but to let out a chuckle. Yone frowns in confusion and tilts his head, looking at the older man for some kind of explanation (It already took much of his courage to initiate such thing, and Machida was certainly not helping.) Machida offers an apologeptic smile and leans in again, resting his head gently on Yone's shoulder.
"I'm sorry. I just never thought you would like me that way." He admits and it is silenter than he meant, yet loud enough for Yone's ears.
It kind of is painful, in a way, but expected. Yone never really hinted at it- and even when he did, Machida was too far away to realize, living his oblivious Koichi-centric life. After enjoying his company fancying liking loving him for so long, Yone knew just what Machida meant by his words, so while it kind of is painful, it's also another way of planting fluttering butterflies in his stomach.
(I just never thought you would like me that way) means in Machida-language, I know you like me, and I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner.
Yone just smiles in reply, and trails his fingers over Machida's cheek, holding his chin and raising his face. This time he wasn't smiling and it wasn't amusement that was sparkling in his eyes.
Yone could read each and every one of Machida's insecurities. (Am I doing right for letting you in my life?, how long will this last?, how long will we last?, i should trust you but could i?, can you put up with me?) Yonehana reads every one of those questions including the ones Machida didn't mean for him to know.
He only had one reply for each of them.
The second time their lips meet, the only sound in the room was a small sigh. Their eyes were both closed, speaking through their heartbeats.
Thump.....bump-thump....
(I love you.)
1.
When he closed his eyes, he could see the world.
When he stopped listening, there was a symphony in his head.
It was not a secret to any of them, they have learned it the same way, rumors before the actual words ("Ohno is debuting.", "Ohno, Sho, Matsumoto, Ninomiya and Aiba are debuting together.", "But what about Musical Academy?", "I'd always known Ohno would debut.") Musical Academy chose to stay silent. Machida usually ignored the words, ignored the reality. He wasn't against Ohno debuting, he knew more than anyone how talented the man was, but he was also smart enough to know that they will never be able to dance together from now on.
Hara was trying to find out more from the higher-ups, while Akiyama kept trying to cheer the mood up with some stuff other than those about music, debuting, hawaii.
It was around that time Hara came back with Yonehana and Yara. Machida didn't remember it clearly, nor did he at first care much about it. This part of the deal was business. He knew them ofcourse, he knew that with Yonehana's acrobatics and Yara's dancing MA wouldn't be less than what it was with Ohno.
Machida would.
He could only stay around for three months. It was exhausting. Too many things swirling around him, wanting attention, wanting hardwork, wanting dedication- and Machida was overwhelmed. With the corner of his eye he watched Ohno try hard by his own, he could see his best friend struggling with those emotions as well ("Can I be enough?", "Will I be popular?", "Is Arashi better without me?") and it drained Machida even more.
It was around that time he started to talk to Yonehana. Yone could understand, in a way. He and Yara were together with Sho, so he could understand. He would at least try.
It was around that time that he made his decision to leave. Yonehana was kind, he was supporting and Machida found the bravery he didn't have with the help of the younger boy. ("I can't focus on dancing here..." He would whine and Yonehana would listen..."I think you're doing fine, though.")
Sometimes he shut the world around him and created one of his own.
Sometimes he needed hands to catch him before he fell in too deep.
He watched them.
He watched Ohno radiate with four other around him, and the light around him grew bigger and bigger. At times, after long hours of dancing, he'd notice mails in his phone and they'd be from Ohno ("How are you doing?", "Work hard~!", "TV tonight, I'll dance for you ★"). And Machida would always reply. He would always watch.
And he would compare.
He was jealous. He was jealous of the light Ohno seemed to give around him, and the screams that were so familiar to his ear. He was jealous of how Yonehana and Yara were MA now, and how he could dance to that song as well. He was jealous of Akiyama and Hara who could go on after all they've gone through...
He would shut the TV down but the music would still play in his mind.
He had to be there. He met Renji during his off hours, and they spoke for long hours, and stood in silence just as long. ("Don't you miss it there?",Machida would ask. "I feel relieved.",) And the first time Machida admitted his feelings were to Renji.
"You know...I feel like I lost. I shouldn't be giving up."
The answer was simple. It was a smile and a poke, 'Then why don't you go back?'. Machida didn't know if he could...
...And life is full of choices. Giving up, giving in, having courage, going back, not regretting, regretting, missing, going on.
A rollercoaster of emotions.
"Please allow me to come back."
And he was back.
2.
It was some time around 2005.
("I'm going to ask Office to let me marry her.")
Ofcourse they were happy , regardless of the small worries eating their heart- would they let him? Would it be alright? They've already met her, she's been there in almost every time they were on stage, cheering for her boyfriend.
Machida knew something would go wrong.
"Won't you wait? We've just started having concerts, I think you should wait a bit longer..."
But Akiyama laughed it off, his eyes smiling. Nothing would happen, he's old enough.
("Old enough, my ass." Yonehana would later say, as stressed as Machida was. Yara was nowhere to be seen and so was Akiyama - though none of them saw much of him lately.)
It was two years later that the office decided Akiyama's girlfriend went too far and stopped all of Akiyama's activities until he broke up with her. He didn't break up with her though, but left them instead.
Yonehana knew it was the last string that got cut off which was holding Machida together.
Because slowly everyone starts to leave. Everyone has a life to build. Around me, excluding me.
Perhaps dancing is more important than friendship. Perhaps dancing IS friendship to him.
"Please ask him to come back." -Please allow him to come back-
Akiyama sent them invitations for his marriage.
Machida didn't go.
3.
They've gone through a lot of things. Lost a lot of things. Had to let go of a lot of chances, and now they're at the beginning point. They didn't really want to go forward for the time being, it didn't feel right without Akiyama.
It wasn't at Osaka when they noticed something was wrong with Machida.
KinKi were busy with rehearsals and soundchecks most of the time so it was a shock to them (Had Koichi known, he would make him stop). Yara noticed it before the concerts started (But he had thought that he would stop when the concerts start, he would know better.) Yonehana noticed it long before Yara did, from the way Machida danced, from the way he looked, from the way he spoke.
It was kind of obvious.
...seven and eight, and one and two and three and four...
The dance rehearsals started at 8 am. Ended around 7 pm, mostly, with affordable breaks. Machida would only stop for few minutes to drink from his water, wipe off his sweat and then it'd be back to dancing for him.
He would close his eyes and ignore everything else.
Yonehana watched him. He watched the other dance his heart out, putting every emotion he has into his moves, as if trying to fight off his fears and sadness. With every sharp move he is avenging everything that was taken away from him. With every move he could not make, he is trying harder, without resting, without breathing.
Sweat glimmered on his skin, and Yonehana knew by the time they were all about to leave Machida's muscles must've been aching like crazy. Even for a dancer that was tough practice.
"Maachin. Won't you stop for a while?"
(When Yonehana speaks, no matter how soft it is, you hear it. No matter how kind he is, what he says is always true. )
Machida stopped and looked at Yone, breathless, body almost giving up, but the dancer standing straight. "Yone...You go ahead. I'll be out in a minute."
Yonehana knew he was there for 5 more hours, until the place shut down.
4.
"Do you want to die? Is that it?"
I'm sorry.
"Or do you want to kill us from worry?"
I'm sorry.
"You have to put yourself together Maachin..."
I know...
"We can't afford to lose you..."
I'm sorry..
"I can't afford to lose you."
It doesn't happen right away, nor it is a strong one at first.
But at a place where all of Machida's mental strings disappeared, a new one appears.
Omake(originally in the comments XD)
The first time their lips meet Machida can't help but to let out a chuckle. Yone frowns in confusion and tilts his head, looking at the older man for some kind of explanation (It already took much of his courage to initiate such thing, and Machida was certainly not helping.) Machida offers an apologeptic smile and leans in again, resting his head gently on Yone's shoulder.
"I'm sorry. I just never thought you would like me that way." He admits and it is silenter than he meant, yet loud enough for Yone's ears.
It kind of is painful, in a way, but expected. Yone never really hinted at it- and even when he did, Machida was too far away to realize, living his oblivious Koichi-centric life. After enjoying his company fancying liking loving him for so long, Yone knew just what Machida meant by his words, so while it kind of is painful, it's also another way of planting fluttering butterflies in his stomach.
(I just never thought you would like me that way) means in Machida-language, I know you like me, and I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner.
Yone just smiles in reply, and trails his fingers over Machida's cheek, holding his chin and raising his face. This time he wasn't smiling and it wasn't amusement that was sparkling in his eyes.
Yone could read each and every one of Machida's insecurities. (Am I doing right for letting you in my life?, how long will this last?, how long will we last?, i should trust you but could i?, can you put up with me?) Yonehana reads every one of those questions including the ones Machida didn't mean for him to know.
He only had one reply for each of them.
The second time their lips meet, the only sound in the room was a small sigh. Their eyes were both closed, speaking through their heartbeats.
Thump.....bump-thump....
(I love you.)