Negative Energy Be GONE!!!
Feeling a major influx of negative energies around me. It's reeeeally weird. I know people think I'm a bit nutsy when I say this kind of stuff but I am literally feeling kinda like I'm in a cloud or bubble of bad mojo. Not sure where all of it is coming from either. I know some things are concerning situations in my RL and maybe a little online that are making me feel craptastic. I should really sit down and write them all on a piece of paper and then burn it.
Sheesh I really needa see a therapist and get diagnosed for OCD. I know I have a mild case. I read a bit about what they look at to diagnose people with it a while back and while mine has never reached a point of being problematic in my life it has been noticed and commented about by people. I try really hard not to fall into the most common thing that people use to identify it and that's rituals. They're small things other people might not catch on to at first. For example... in public I always pull my sleeves down over my hand to open doors. I can't touch a door handle that other people touch and if for some reason I am forced to... which happens more in the summer... I feel sick until I wash my hands. To your average onlooker you might think me a slob... but my things are set up just so for me. If you move something on my desk all hell will break loose. I hate not having my DVDs alphabetized. I NEED certain items to face certain ways or it bugs me. Some of this shit even keeps me awake at night. I wonder if Jaundice notices all of this? It can be extremely exhausting.
Today I'm kinda physically feeling it too. Headache, nausea. Just the usual bullshit. Then there's the situation yesterday where Monkey pointed out the fat on my belly. I may be a size 6, but I have some serious belly fat going on. If it weren't for my past problem with anorexia I'd be wallowing in the misery of it. I know just how quick and easily I could get rid of it if I "wanted" to. Did you know you can live for four months off herbal tea, toast and the occasional meal here and there? Oh yes you can. I wish I had the patience, motivation and drive I had when we were living in Germany. Of course back there Jaundice would leave for six weeks and while he'd be gone I'd have a lot more freetime to exercise and it was easier to eat better. He'd come back and I'd have done enough at home yoga, aerobics and weight training to feel like a hottie. Now I look at me and wonder why I bother caring. I feel ugly. You can be skinny and still have a really ugly face lol.
Made one IC post today and it sucked but it was kinda a transitional point in the story where we were moving from one setting another and I had to choose which. I hope it continues to go smoothly. I'm really enjoying reading the other threads there which is something I don't do often on boards. I did a lot more skin work for INC. Yuku is still confusing and I LOATHE the forums vs. blogs styling. It's uber confusing. But it's coming along well after all the time I devoted today. I also lvld my wow war to 10. She's got a funny name though. I named her Hispirate. Since it's a girl char on Jaundice's account I figured I'd use one of his pet names for me and I knew Histemptress was too long... Hisdevil was too obviously not a name but Hispirate could actually pass for a name (yes I have said it out loud as a name and I kinda like how it's said when I say it). OH and Jaun's coworker he was house sitting for (and does favors for from time to time) gave him a $25 gift certificate thing for the movie theater! *squee* we can use that to go see POTC:DMC woot!
Oi... well I didn't start a new book yet. I'm sorta trying to choke through the first Black Dagger Brotherhood book. Ya know what I'm sick of though... all these fucking vampire books having nothing but gigantic muscular guys with gigantic ... penises and perfect hair and shit. I dunno about my other female friends but I am so much more into variety than that. If I made a list of say 100 celebrity men I find attractive it'd be very diverse. Skinny guys, bigger guys, short guys, tall guys... but these books play way too hard into the long haired muscular bad boy stereotypes and it makes me wanna puke. AND I am sooooo fucking sick of the badass cocky arrogant guys who are really sensitive and gentle. Men like that are rare IRL so why are there ten in one city who are all friends or some shit in the books? We're in a world of vampires, werewolves and witches... isn't the setting unreal enough? lol I mean I love a cliche now and again but when 90% of the male characters in books I'm reading are that well... cheesy and overdone. *snore* Please, please, please... all of you who write with me on RPGs or who may one day read rough drafts of my novels for me... don't let me fall into it too bad. Be honest when I'm being too stereotypical or cheesy. Help me be aware when I'm doing it and remind me to stay true to my work. Remind me to write for myself not for the dollar.
Well I needa go get some laundry from the dryer, brush my teeth and crash. Got a bunch of stressy shit to deal with online tomorrow and I'm edgy. Niiiight!
Sheesh I really needa see a therapist and get diagnosed for OCD. I know I have a mild case. I read a bit about what they look at to diagnose people with it a while back and while mine has never reached a point of being problematic in my life it has been noticed and commented about by people. I try really hard not to fall into the most common thing that people use to identify it and that's rituals. They're small things other people might not catch on to at first. For example... in public I always pull my sleeves down over my hand to open doors. I can't touch a door handle that other people touch and if for some reason I am forced to... which happens more in the summer... I feel sick until I wash my hands. To your average onlooker you might think me a slob... but my things are set up just so for me. If you move something on my desk all hell will break loose. I hate not having my DVDs alphabetized. I NEED certain items to face certain ways or it bugs me. Some of this shit even keeps me awake at night. I wonder if Jaundice notices all of this? It can be extremely exhausting.
Today I'm kinda physically feeling it too. Headache, nausea. Just the usual bullshit. Then there's the situation yesterday where Monkey pointed out the fat on my belly. I may be a size 6, but I have some serious belly fat going on. If it weren't for my past problem with anorexia I'd be wallowing in the misery of it. I know just how quick and easily I could get rid of it if I "wanted" to. Did you know you can live for four months off herbal tea, toast and the occasional meal here and there? Oh yes you can. I wish I had the patience, motivation and drive I had when we were living in Germany. Of course back there Jaundice would leave for six weeks and while he'd be gone I'd have a lot more freetime to exercise and it was easier to eat better. He'd come back and I'd have done enough at home yoga, aerobics and weight training to feel like a hottie. Now I look at me and wonder why I bother caring. I feel ugly. You can be skinny and still have a really ugly face lol.
Made one IC post today and it sucked but it was kinda a transitional point in the story where we were moving from one setting another and I had to choose which. I hope it continues to go smoothly. I'm really enjoying reading the other threads there which is something I don't do often on boards. I did a lot more skin work for INC. Yuku is still confusing and I LOATHE the forums vs. blogs styling. It's uber confusing. But it's coming along well after all the time I devoted today. I also lvld my wow war to 10. She's got a funny name though. I named her Hispirate. Since it's a girl char on Jaundice's account I figured I'd use one of his pet names for me and I knew Histemptress was too long... Hisdevil was too obviously not a name but Hispirate could actually pass for a name (yes I have said it out loud as a name and I kinda like how it's said when I say it). OH and Jaun's coworker he was house sitting for (and does favors for from time to time) gave him a $25 gift certificate thing for the movie theater! *squee* we can use that to go see POTC:DMC woot!
Oi... well I didn't start a new book yet. I'm sorta trying to choke through the first Black Dagger Brotherhood book. Ya know what I'm sick of though... all these fucking vampire books having nothing but gigantic muscular guys with gigantic ... penises and perfect hair and shit. I dunno about my other female friends but I am so much more into variety than that. If I made a list of say 100 celebrity men I find attractive it'd be very diverse. Skinny guys, bigger guys, short guys, tall guys... but these books play way too hard into the long haired muscular bad boy stereotypes and it makes me wanna puke. AND I am sooooo fucking sick of the badass cocky arrogant guys who are really sensitive and gentle. Men like that are rare IRL so why are there ten in one city who are all friends or some shit in the books? We're in a world of vampires, werewolves and witches... isn't the setting unreal enough? lol I mean I love a cliche now and again but when 90% of the male characters in books I'm reading are that well... cheesy and overdone. *snore* Please, please, please... all of you who write with me on RPGs or who may one day read rough drafts of my novels for me... don't let me fall into it too bad. Be honest when I'm being too stereotypical or cheesy. Help me be aware when I'm doing it and remind me to stay true to my work. Remind me to write for myself not for the dollar.
Well I needa go get some laundry from the dryer, brush my teeth and crash. Got a bunch of stressy shit to deal with online tomorrow and I'm edgy. Niiiight!