Suicide Note; Chapter 04 (Part II)
All I have to say about this update is that it answers some questions and isn't work safe.
It also took me longer than usual to get right.
Suicide Note
Chapter Four (Part II)
Worry
Sharon returned to Westhaven around mid-afternoon. Her beautiful hair was swept by the winds and her cheeks were pink from the cold. She stopped over at a small restaurant in Hillsboro and had some spinach quiche and juice before continuing to campus.
Although she was a little tired from the drive, she felt refreshed and getting away from school had allowed to clear her mind of worry. She had missed the Biochem review but she didn't feel bad about that exam.
It had been at the back of her mind and as she left her Toyota at the parking lot the nagging thought of Laura began to surface again. Sharon wanted to go to her dorm, and even if Laura was offended at least she'd lay the matter to rest. The gnawing began in her heart as she walked uphill and had consumed her by the time she was at her dorm.
Instead of returning to her room, Sharon headed off for White Hall. Since her bike was broken she had a long agonizing walk across campus giving her the time to rehearse what to say to Laura. She played out several scenarios as she walked through the cold, the winds blowing against her, the sunlight hadn't yet begun to break through the clouds this far from the coast.
Laura could be anything from offended, to apologetic, to blasé. Sharon wasn't sure what to expect, and tried not to work herself up too much. Yet when she arrived at White Hall a cold sweat had formed down her back and she was shivering.
The elevator ride was agonizingly slow and her legs had turned to jelly by the time she made it into the fourth floor hall. It was just like the night before. She was nervous, the confidence leaving her along with the color from her face.
Laura might not be home, Sharon thought as she knocked and waited.
This is just like last night. Am I going to have a second chance?
The door swung open suddenly and she was face to face with Amanda who was wearing nothing more than a long warm sweatshirt. “You're back!” Amanda cried out happily before her expression changed from happiness to surprise. “Oh, I'm sorry.”
Sharon took a step back, Laura wasn't home. “No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come.”
Amanda lunged into the threshold and grabbed Sharon by the hand. “Don't go,” she pleaded, dragging her back into the dorm room. “I don't want to be alone.”
Sharon felt an uncomfortable heat spread over her body as Amanda led her into the room. Her heart started to race as she grasped Amanda's hand more tightly, entwining their fingers together. She didn't know why she was doing this, her body was acting on its own as she was led to the bed, where Amanda sat down and hugged her knees close to her body.
Ghastly shadows played across the floor, cast by the sickly overcast light filtering through the window. Amanda's features were accentuated by the soft shadows as she stared right at Sharon, her eyes open wide and misty from crying.
“Thank you,” Amanda whispered as Sharon sat down on the edge of the bed, as far away from her as possible.
“I'm really sorry,” Sharon said, her mind in a haze. “I didn't want to come between you two.”
“No,” Amanda said. “She's the one who wanted this. You had no way of knowing.”
“She's done this before?” Sharon's heart sank.
“Laura's like that. She keeps on wanting to find the right person. I don't mind too much, because she always comes back to me,” she said, trying to smile faintly but just gasped a few times and wiped a tear away. She rocked back and forth.
So that's all I was? Sharon thought. I was going to be a cheap one night stand?
“You're different from the others, though,” Amanda said as she crawled over to Sharon and embraced her from behind.
Sharon felt a warmth crash over her as Amanda pressed her lips against her neck, her short hair tickling her skin. “What do you mean?” she asked-gasping her breath.
There was a sickly sweet sound as Sharon could hear Amanda playing with herself.
“I want you all for myself,” Amanda said. She kissed Sharon's neck and worked her way up to her earlobe.
Sharon tried to clasp her legs together as she slowly became aroused, but Amanda had wrapped herself around her, snaking her hand under Sharon's sweater and groping her breasts.
“Stay here with me,” Amanda breathed as she climbed into Sharon's lap, helping her take her jacket off and then took off her own sweatshirt-she was completely naked.
Sharon fell onto the bed, Amanda's hands on her wrists. She closed her eyes as Amanda kissed her, slowly raising her sweater up and unfastening her bra.
“Stop this,” Sharon moaned as Amanda lifted her sweater off of her large bare breasts.
“You can stop this anytime you like,” Amanda said. She was blushing as she buried her face in Sharon's breasts, running her tongue along her nipples. She moaned slightly as she slipped her fingers inside herself. “But I don't think you want to.”
“What do you want?” Sharon asked as Amanda unzipped her jeans and slipped her hand into her panties. The pleasure took away all of her desire to fight and she spread her legs and let Amanda inside her.
“You know what I want,” Amanda said as she undressed her. “I want you to take me away from her.”
“Why?” Sharon asked as Amanda pulled her jeans down and worked her way down her abdomen, tickling her skin with her tongue. She knelt down on the floor and spread Sharon's legs.
Sharon was trembling now as she felt Amanda's breath on her lips. She cried out as Amanda's tongue slipped inside her. “Stop this,” she whispered inaudibly.
Laura rubbed her cheek. She was sore where Chrissie had slapped her.
“She hit you?” Tina asked, incredulously. They had met when Laura was leaving Moorer Hall and walked towards the Humanities building together.
“Yeah,” Laura sulked.
“That's terrible,” Tina said, grabbing Laura by the chin and turning her head towards her. “Oh, it's all red! Does it hurt?”
“Just my pride,” Laura said.
“I'm sorry, baby. I had no idea that it'd turn out like this for you,” Tina said, starting off again down the Humanities building. She readjusted her backpack, hiking it up higher.
“Worst of all, I have no idea what this has done to Amanda.”
“Please,” Tina said. “You jerk that girl around like some pet. I have no idea why she sticks with you.”
Laura stopped in her tracks, completely shocked at what she just heard.
“What?” Tina asked, nonchalantly. “I don't need to be an expert on your life to know she's your safety.”
“You're not going to slap me, are you?”
“No,” Tina said. “Because I think you love Sharon. You just need to be honest with Amanda before you destroy her...”
Laura just stood there on the path as Tina walked away from her. The sun and the blue sky was beginning to break through the grey.
It should be warming up soon, and spring would return.
“I guess you're right,” Laura said. “I need to go home.”
“If you say so,” Tina said, turning around and motioning Laura to follow her. “You've been all flustered since you saw that girl. This isn't like you, Laura. You need to make some hard choices pretty soon.”
Amanda held Sharon as they lay in the bed, she had her arm across her chest. “I'm sorry about this,” she whispered.
Sharon lay exhausted, a sweat glistening on her skin. She stared up at the ceiling. “I didn't want it to be like this.”
“Am I not good enough?” Amanda asked. “It seems that my entire life I haven't been good enough. I'm doing all I can to be with Laura-normally I could have only loved someone like her from afar.”
“Then why would you want me to take you away from all of this?” None of this made sense. Sharon closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath. It had felt so good, Amanda was wonderful-it was as if she knew every part of her body inside and out.
“I want to hurt her,” Amanda whispered. “I want her to feel like I do. I want her to feel alone, like she's not good enough.”
Sharon began to feel sick as Amanda crawled on top of her, pressing their warm breasts together. “Am I a bad person?” Amanda asked, kissing Sharon. “This is all I know... The high of being in love, but never being loved back.”
“Stop this,” Sharon moaned as Amanda's hand slipped between her legs.
“You don't want to make love again?” Amanda asked, giggling. “We both had a wonderful time. Your body is a lot more honest than you are.”
Sharon could feel herself falling back into the bed. The pleasure was pulling her under the surface of the churning sea, to the depths where everything was calm. All she had to do was let herself go. She had never made love before, and it felt wonderful-much more intimate than touching herself quietly in her drafty and damp room, biting her lip so that no one could hear her scream.
“She loves you,” Amanda whispered. “And it makes me insanely jealous. I can see why, too. Everything about you is so perfect and pure.”
It was like drowning. The voice that screamed inside Sharon's head that this was all wrong began to grow faint as she sank deeper under the surface, the shimmering waves above her. All she could feel, all she wanted to feel was Amanda inside her, the fingers slipping in and out rhythmically.
I don't want this...
It also took me longer than usual to get right.
Suicide Note
Chapter Four (Part II)
Worry
Sharon returned to Westhaven around mid-afternoon. Her beautiful hair was swept by the winds and her cheeks were pink from the cold. She stopped over at a small restaurant in Hillsboro and had some spinach quiche and juice before continuing to campus.
Although she was a little tired from the drive, she felt refreshed and getting away from school had allowed to clear her mind of worry. She had missed the Biochem review but she didn't feel bad about that exam.
It had been at the back of her mind and as she left her Toyota at the parking lot the nagging thought of Laura began to surface again. Sharon wanted to go to her dorm, and even if Laura was offended at least she'd lay the matter to rest. The gnawing began in her heart as she walked uphill and had consumed her by the time she was at her dorm.
Instead of returning to her room, Sharon headed off for White Hall. Since her bike was broken she had a long agonizing walk across campus giving her the time to rehearse what to say to Laura. She played out several scenarios as she walked through the cold, the winds blowing against her, the sunlight hadn't yet begun to break through the clouds this far from the coast.
Laura could be anything from offended, to apologetic, to blasé. Sharon wasn't sure what to expect, and tried not to work herself up too much. Yet when she arrived at White Hall a cold sweat had formed down her back and she was shivering.
The elevator ride was agonizingly slow and her legs had turned to jelly by the time she made it into the fourth floor hall. It was just like the night before. She was nervous, the confidence leaving her along with the color from her face.
Laura might not be home, Sharon thought as she knocked and waited.
This is just like last night. Am I going to have a second chance?
The door swung open suddenly and she was face to face with Amanda who was wearing nothing more than a long warm sweatshirt. “You're back!” Amanda cried out happily before her expression changed from happiness to surprise. “Oh, I'm sorry.”
Sharon took a step back, Laura wasn't home. “No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come.”
Amanda lunged into the threshold and grabbed Sharon by the hand. “Don't go,” she pleaded, dragging her back into the dorm room. “I don't want to be alone.”
Sharon felt an uncomfortable heat spread over her body as Amanda led her into the room. Her heart started to race as she grasped Amanda's hand more tightly, entwining their fingers together. She didn't know why she was doing this, her body was acting on its own as she was led to the bed, where Amanda sat down and hugged her knees close to her body.
Ghastly shadows played across the floor, cast by the sickly overcast light filtering through the window. Amanda's features were accentuated by the soft shadows as she stared right at Sharon, her eyes open wide and misty from crying.
“Thank you,” Amanda whispered as Sharon sat down on the edge of the bed, as far away from her as possible.
“I'm really sorry,” Sharon said, her mind in a haze. “I didn't want to come between you two.”
“No,” Amanda said. “She's the one who wanted this. You had no way of knowing.”
“She's done this before?” Sharon's heart sank.
“Laura's like that. She keeps on wanting to find the right person. I don't mind too much, because she always comes back to me,” she said, trying to smile faintly but just gasped a few times and wiped a tear away. She rocked back and forth.
So that's all I was? Sharon thought. I was going to be a cheap one night stand?
“You're different from the others, though,” Amanda said as she crawled over to Sharon and embraced her from behind.
Sharon felt a warmth crash over her as Amanda pressed her lips against her neck, her short hair tickling her skin. “What do you mean?” she asked-gasping her breath.
There was a sickly sweet sound as Sharon could hear Amanda playing with herself.
“I want you all for myself,” Amanda said. She kissed Sharon's neck and worked her way up to her earlobe.
Sharon tried to clasp her legs together as she slowly became aroused, but Amanda had wrapped herself around her, snaking her hand under Sharon's sweater and groping her breasts.
“Stay here with me,” Amanda breathed as she climbed into Sharon's lap, helping her take her jacket off and then took off her own sweatshirt-she was completely naked.
Sharon fell onto the bed, Amanda's hands on her wrists. She closed her eyes as Amanda kissed her, slowly raising her sweater up and unfastening her bra.
“Stop this,” Sharon moaned as Amanda lifted her sweater off of her large bare breasts.
“You can stop this anytime you like,” Amanda said. She was blushing as she buried her face in Sharon's breasts, running her tongue along her nipples. She moaned slightly as she slipped her fingers inside herself. “But I don't think you want to.”
“What do you want?” Sharon asked as Amanda unzipped her jeans and slipped her hand into her panties. The pleasure took away all of her desire to fight and she spread her legs and let Amanda inside her.
“You know what I want,” Amanda said as she undressed her. “I want you to take me away from her.”
“Why?” Sharon asked as Amanda pulled her jeans down and worked her way down her abdomen, tickling her skin with her tongue. She knelt down on the floor and spread Sharon's legs.
Sharon was trembling now as she felt Amanda's breath on her lips. She cried out as Amanda's tongue slipped inside her. “Stop this,” she whispered inaudibly.
Laura rubbed her cheek. She was sore where Chrissie had slapped her.
“She hit you?” Tina asked, incredulously. They had met when Laura was leaving Moorer Hall and walked towards the Humanities building together.
“Yeah,” Laura sulked.
“That's terrible,” Tina said, grabbing Laura by the chin and turning her head towards her. “Oh, it's all red! Does it hurt?”
“Just my pride,” Laura said.
“I'm sorry, baby. I had no idea that it'd turn out like this for you,” Tina said, starting off again down the Humanities building. She readjusted her backpack, hiking it up higher.
“Worst of all, I have no idea what this has done to Amanda.”
“Please,” Tina said. “You jerk that girl around like some pet. I have no idea why she sticks with you.”
Laura stopped in her tracks, completely shocked at what she just heard.
“What?” Tina asked, nonchalantly. “I don't need to be an expert on your life to know she's your safety.”
“You're not going to slap me, are you?”
“No,” Tina said. “Because I think you love Sharon. You just need to be honest with Amanda before you destroy her...”
Laura just stood there on the path as Tina walked away from her. The sun and the blue sky was beginning to break through the grey.
It should be warming up soon, and spring would return.
“I guess you're right,” Laura said. “I need to go home.”
“If you say so,” Tina said, turning around and motioning Laura to follow her. “You've been all flustered since you saw that girl. This isn't like you, Laura. You need to make some hard choices pretty soon.”
Amanda held Sharon as they lay in the bed, she had her arm across her chest. “I'm sorry about this,” she whispered.
Sharon lay exhausted, a sweat glistening on her skin. She stared up at the ceiling. “I didn't want it to be like this.”
“Am I not good enough?” Amanda asked. “It seems that my entire life I haven't been good enough. I'm doing all I can to be with Laura-normally I could have only loved someone like her from afar.”
“Then why would you want me to take you away from all of this?” None of this made sense. Sharon closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath. It had felt so good, Amanda was wonderful-it was as if she knew every part of her body inside and out.
“I want to hurt her,” Amanda whispered. “I want her to feel like I do. I want her to feel alone, like she's not good enough.”
Sharon began to feel sick as Amanda crawled on top of her, pressing their warm breasts together. “Am I a bad person?” Amanda asked, kissing Sharon. “This is all I know... The high of being in love, but never being loved back.”
“Stop this,” Sharon moaned as Amanda's hand slipped between her legs.
“You don't want to make love again?” Amanda asked, giggling. “We both had a wonderful time. Your body is a lot more honest than you are.”
Sharon could feel herself falling back into the bed. The pleasure was pulling her under the surface of the churning sea, to the depths where everything was calm. All she had to do was let herself go. She had never made love before, and it felt wonderful-much more intimate than touching herself quietly in her drafty and damp room, biting her lip so that no one could hear her scream.
“She loves you,” Amanda whispered. “And it makes me insanely jealous. I can see why, too. Everything about you is so perfect and pure.”
It was like drowning. The voice that screamed inside Sharon's head that this was all wrong began to grow faint as she sank deeper under the surface, the shimmering waves above her. All she could feel, all she wanted to feel was Amanda inside her, the fingers slipping in and out rhythmically.
I don't want this...