Suicide Note; Chapter 04 (Part I)
Suicide Note
Chapter Four (Part I)
Worry
Sharon decided to skip Biochem review and head for the parking lot.
She didn't need any more study sessions, and she needed air. If she let herself get wound up over the exam, nothing good would come of it, and the last thing she wanted to do was sit around in a closed lecture hall haunted by her doubts.
The student parking lot was carved out as three terraces on the edge of a steep hill at the edge of campus, lest a couple of hundred cars mar the beauty of Westhaven.
Sharon headed down the concrete stairs leading down the grassy hill and to the highest level of the lot. Some of the cars here were filthy, left untouched for weeks. The students had just about everything they needed on campus, or they could take the bus into town so in reality a car was only necessary between semesters during school breaks.
Yet Sharon always found the campus to be too small for her taste and she liked to drive to the coast on the weekends where she would hike or ride bikes in the many ocean side parks with her friends. On lazy afternoons she'd stop by a coffee shop or a movie theater. If she was feeling really bored and had lots of time to spare, she'd drive to the larger cities a few hours away for a weekend trip, not that she really liked bar hopping. Instead she'd go shopping or hit a museum or a foreign film theatre.
She walked past a variety of cars, both cheap and expensive to her old Toyota SUV. It had been a gift from her mother when she had learned to drive years ago, and had all the scars to show for it. She opened the creaky door and sat down in the familiar driver's seat.
Inside the beige interior was dusty and covered with coffee stains and books, clothes, old class handouts, and bike parts littered the floor and seats. She started the engine which sputtered to life and she backed out of the parking lot. There was a service road that led to a back gate out of campus, saving her the trouble from having to drive by the congested main campus circle.
The narrow service road was carved out of the surrounding wood, and she found herself staring at the trees as she passed the metal and brick campus then turned onto a narrow county highway. Hillsboro was the closest town to campus, and Sharon turned off the highway onto its main street.
The town was nothing more than a church, a town hall, and a few restaurants and stores which sold expensive furniture and designer clothing. It was all hidden beneath ancient oak trees that formed a canopy over the streets and sheltered he surrounding hundred year old mansions. There was a tiny service station at the edge of town that had only one pump, but it had recently been upgraded so it could read credit cards.
Sharon pulled into the service station, the three garage bays were open. A rusty old Corvette sat partially covered in one of the garages. untouched and unmoved in the three years since Sharon had first arrived at Westhaven.
There was a new drugstore located outside of town, but the major outlet center where everyone did their shopping was located off of the Interstate about 15 minutes away. The consensus among the residents and even the Westhaven administration was that such a large shopping center would be an eyesore and detract from the rich culture of the area-thus it had been constructed as far away from the college as possible. Ironically, it also drew a lot of residents and development from Hillsboro and the other towns, slowly leaving them to die.
Hillsboro was slowly becoming a ghost town as its residents died off of moved away, becoming more and more shabby and desolate with every trip Sharon made there. The occasional car crept past on the tree-lined streets at a snail's pace. The presbyterian church, with its tall white spire, stared down on the sleepy city. A gust of wind sent dried leaves skittering down the sidewalk.
Sharon wandered the small patch of concrete the station sat on while her truck fueled. The elderly man at the service counter was talking on the phone, but waved at her through the paned window. A strong gust of wind tore at her, making the canopy of trees over the city and streets shake and groan. Sharon turned away from the gust, her eyes watering. The pump clattered as it shut off and she quickly retreated into her heated truck.
She left town behind for the winding county roads that took her through the heart of the thick forest, but from time to time Sharon would run past the open pastures of a farm. There a few cows grazed on the open fields and a wisp of smoke would weave from the distant chimney of a country home before being swallowed up again by the wood. She took the one lane road towards the coast, slowing only as she traced the peripheries of yet another small town buried in the whispering trees, slowly fading from existence.
After she had been driving for about forty minutes the road began to get more hilly before she suddenly found the wide expanse of the ocean opening up to her left. Here the skies were a dark shade of blue and grey with clouds moving in from the sea. Cold gusting winds formed white caps on the leaden sea that smashed on the rocky cliffs and made her Toyota sway.
There were green rocky fields that separated the cliffs from the road and the forests beyond. Clover bloomed in white and pink among the tall swaying grass alongside the coastal highway that stretched for over a hundred miles, weaving in and out of the forests and passing many small parks and outlooks.
On sunny days there'd be cars parked on both sides of the road, and picnickers, hikers, and cyclists would dot the green cliffs. On this day, though, the cold wind and icy blowing sea spray had chased even the bravest souls away. When the weather was especially beautiful, Sharon would sometimes come here to study, sitting in her car with all the windows open or finding a vacant wooden park bench bathed in the warm sunlight.
There was no sun today, and instead the waves were smashing up onto the cliffs and leaving grimy puddles of seawater on the gravel promontories. Sharon stopped the Toyota on a patch of wet gravel a few yards from a cliff face. She fumbled with her coat, zipping it up, then put on a pair of leather gloves before exiting into biting cold.
She was alone on the cliffs. The wind immediately hit her as she opened the door and stepped onto the slippery gravel. The spray wet her face and her hair whipped into her eyes, yet there was something so peaceful about being the only soul for miles. She approached the edge of the cliffs and stared down at the ocean crashing against the rocks twenty yards below.
This was her sea, her cliff... For that brief moment that place was hers alone. She let the crashing of the waves fill her ears as she closed her eyes and breathed in the salty spray. It felt like she was flying, being torn heavenward on gusting winds. The sea was alive beneath her, hissing as the waves pulled away from the rocks before the deafening crescendo of another powerful wave drowned out even the howl of the winds. Gulls cried out as they navigated the wind currents, trying to spot urchins that had been washed onto the rocks by the sea.
Slowly the worries, the concerns, everything that had been tormenting her was lost in the rush of the ocean. Sharon felt her body drifting away from her, losing herself in the moment, her thoughts lost on the gusting winds or drowned and smashed to pieces on the rocky shore. No one would come out to her when she was here on days like this, no one would hurt her.
She was apart from the world, no this was her world.
I want to believe that these warm tears running down my cheeks are nothing more than sea spray, Sharon thought. Slowly she opened her eyes and stared out at the horizon where a few shafts of sunlight in the parting clouds made the water shimmer like precious gold. The skies were clearing in the distance. It would only be a matter of time before the warmth of spring would return.
Laura knocked on the door to Sharon's dorm again, hoping for a response. She had returned to campus after spending most of the morning at the coffee shop. There she had agonized over how she should go to see Sharon and apologize. She never bothered to get her cell phone number, and the one listed in the campus directory rang ceaselessly with no response.
She tried not to think what was going to become of Amanda as she knocked again. In her coat pocket was a written apology and a desperate plea for a second chance. Laura was patiently waiting for a response when the door beside Sharon's suddenly flew open and she found herself staring down at a petite redhead.
“She's not home,” Chrissie said, walking up to Laura. There was a scowl on her face and Laura nervously stepped back.
“I...” Laura started off.
“You're Laura, aren't you?” Chrissie said, blocking the door. “Why don't you do her a favor and get lost. You have no idea how upset you've made her.”
Laura winced as she felt her heart skip a beat. “She told you?” She was frozen to the ground, a cold sweat creeping up her back.
“She came to see me last night, she was so upset she didn't want to go to sleep,” Chrissie said. “I normally don't poke around in others' business, but stay the hell away from her. I know your kind.”
“But I...”
Chrissie looked away, refusing to look Laura in the face. “She's falling in love with you, but she doesn't realize what a worthless person you are.”
Laura stepped back, unable to speak. Even if she knew all of these things, to hear them from a stranger, to have her innermost demons brought to light was more than she could bear.
“How the hell can you treat people like this?” Chrissie demanded, clenching her teeth. “No,” she said, looking up at Laura. “I don't care what kind of mind games you like to play; I'm not going to let you hurt her.”
“I...” Laura stammered, looking down at the floor. She reached for the note she had in the pocket of her coat, but not having the nerve to pull it out.
“Sharon is too good for you,” Chrissie said. “She's too kind and innocent to see through you.”
But I want to start again, Laura thought. She didn't have the energy to fight back. What could she say to Chrissie? What could she say to appease this stranger, anyway? It's not as if Chrissie wasn't speaking the truth-even if it was a truth Laura wanted to escape.
Chrissie's hand caught her across the face like a thunderclap. She wasn't expecting it, and the tingling pain and dull ringing in her ear made her lose her balance. Laura fell onto her knees and outstretched palms.
“Get lost,” Chrissie said, her voice breaking up.
Laura sat down on the floor, rubbing her cheek.
“I don't care if she hates me for what I've done to you, but at least she'll never love you.”
Is she jealous? Laura thought. Is she protecting a friend? Or did I just deserve that?
“Get lost, you brat,” Chrissie said as she went into her dorm and slammed the door behind her.
Laura staggered to her feet, her face still burning. She stared at Sharon's room, clutching the note in her pocket before turning around to leave.
Chapter Four (Part I)
Worry
Sharon decided to skip Biochem review and head for the parking lot.
She didn't need any more study sessions, and she needed air. If she let herself get wound up over the exam, nothing good would come of it, and the last thing she wanted to do was sit around in a closed lecture hall haunted by her doubts.
The student parking lot was carved out as three terraces on the edge of a steep hill at the edge of campus, lest a couple of hundred cars mar the beauty of Westhaven.
Sharon headed down the concrete stairs leading down the grassy hill and to the highest level of the lot. Some of the cars here were filthy, left untouched for weeks. The students had just about everything they needed on campus, or they could take the bus into town so in reality a car was only necessary between semesters during school breaks.
Yet Sharon always found the campus to be too small for her taste and she liked to drive to the coast on the weekends where she would hike or ride bikes in the many ocean side parks with her friends. On lazy afternoons she'd stop by a coffee shop or a movie theater. If she was feeling really bored and had lots of time to spare, she'd drive to the larger cities a few hours away for a weekend trip, not that she really liked bar hopping. Instead she'd go shopping or hit a museum or a foreign film theatre.
She walked past a variety of cars, both cheap and expensive to her old Toyota SUV. It had been a gift from her mother when she had learned to drive years ago, and had all the scars to show for it. She opened the creaky door and sat down in the familiar driver's seat.
Inside the beige interior was dusty and covered with coffee stains and books, clothes, old class handouts, and bike parts littered the floor and seats. She started the engine which sputtered to life and she backed out of the parking lot. There was a service road that led to a back gate out of campus, saving her the trouble from having to drive by the congested main campus circle.
The narrow service road was carved out of the surrounding wood, and she found herself staring at the trees as she passed the metal and brick campus then turned onto a narrow county highway. Hillsboro was the closest town to campus, and Sharon turned off the highway onto its main street.
The town was nothing more than a church, a town hall, and a few restaurants and stores which sold expensive furniture and designer clothing. It was all hidden beneath ancient oak trees that formed a canopy over the streets and sheltered he surrounding hundred year old mansions. There was a tiny service station at the edge of town that had only one pump, but it had recently been upgraded so it could read credit cards.
Sharon pulled into the service station, the three garage bays were open. A rusty old Corvette sat partially covered in one of the garages. untouched and unmoved in the three years since Sharon had first arrived at Westhaven.
There was a new drugstore located outside of town, but the major outlet center where everyone did their shopping was located off of the Interstate about 15 minutes away. The consensus among the residents and even the Westhaven administration was that such a large shopping center would be an eyesore and detract from the rich culture of the area-thus it had been constructed as far away from the college as possible. Ironically, it also drew a lot of residents and development from Hillsboro and the other towns, slowly leaving them to die.
Hillsboro was slowly becoming a ghost town as its residents died off of moved away, becoming more and more shabby and desolate with every trip Sharon made there. The occasional car crept past on the tree-lined streets at a snail's pace. The presbyterian church, with its tall white spire, stared down on the sleepy city. A gust of wind sent dried leaves skittering down the sidewalk.
Sharon wandered the small patch of concrete the station sat on while her truck fueled. The elderly man at the service counter was talking on the phone, but waved at her through the paned window. A strong gust of wind tore at her, making the canopy of trees over the city and streets shake and groan. Sharon turned away from the gust, her eyes watering. The pump clattered as it shut off and she quickly retreated into her heated truck.
She left town behind for the winding county roads that took her through the heart of the thick forest, but from time to time Sharon would run past the open pastures of a farm. There a few cows grazed on the open fields and a wisp of smoke would weave from the distant chimney of a country home before being swallowed up again by the wood. She took the one lane road towards the coast, slowing only as she traced the peripheries of yet another small town buried in the whispering trees, slowly fading from existence.
After she had been driving for about forty minutes the road began to get more hilly before she suddenly found the wide expanse of the ocean opening up to her left. Here the skies were a dark shade of blue and grey with clouds moving in from the sea. Cold gusting winds formed white caps on the leaden sea that smashed on the rocky cliffs and made her Toyota sway.
There were green rocky fields that separated the cliffs from the road and the forests beyond. Clover bloomed in white and pink among the tall swaying grass alongside the coastal highway that stretched for over a hundred miles, weaving in and out of the forests and passing many small parks and outlooks.
On sunny days there'd be cars parked on both sides of the road, and picnickers, hikers, and cyclists would dot the green cliffs. On this day, though, the cold wind and icy blowing sea spray had chased even the bravest souls away. When the weather was especially beautiful, Sharon would sometimes come here to study, sitting in her car with all the windows open or finding a vacant wooden park bench bathed in the warm sunlight.
There was no sun today, and instead the waves were smashing up onto the cliffs and leaving grimy puddles of seawater on the gravel promontories. Sharon stopped the Toyota on a patch of wet gravel a few yards from a cliff face. She fumbled with her coat, zipping it up, then put on a pair of leather gloves before exiting into biting cold.
She was alone on the cliffs. The wind immediately hit her as she opened the door and stepped onto the slippery gravel. The spray wet her face and her hair whipped into her eyes, yet there was something so peaceful about being the only soul for miles. She approached the edge of the cliffs and stared down at the ocean crashing against the rocks twenty yards below.
This was her sea, her cliff... For that brief moment that place was hers alone. She let the crashing of the waves fill her ears as she closed her eyes and breathed in the salty spray. It felt like she was flying, being torn heavenward on gusting winds. The sea was alive beneath her, hissing as the waves pulled away from the rocks before the deafening crescendo of another powerful wave drowned out even the howl of the winds. Gulls cried out as they navigated the wind currents, trying to spot urchins that had been washed onto the rocks by the sea.
Slowly the worries, the concerns, everything that had been tormenting her was lost in the rush of the ocean. Sharon felt her body drifting away from her, losing herself in the moment, her thoughts lost on the gusting winds or drowned and smashed to pieces on the rocky shore. No one would come out to her when she was here on days like this, no one would hurt her.
She was apart from the world, no this was her world.
I want to believe that these warm tears running down my cheeks are nothing more than sea spray, Sharon thought. Slowly she opened her eyes and stared out at the horizon where a few shafts of sunlight in the parting clouds made the water shimmer like precious gold. The skies were clearing in the distance. It would only be a matter of time before the warmth of spring would return.
Laura knocked on the door to Sharon's dorm again, hoping for a response. She had returned to campus after spending most of the morning at the coffee shop. There she had agonized over how she should go to see Sharon and apologize. She never bothered to get her cell phone number, and the one listed in the campus directory rang ceaselessly with no response.
She tried not to think what was going to become of Amanda as she knocked again. In her coat pocket was a written apology and a desperate plea for a second chance. Laura was patiently waiting for a response when the door beside Sharon's suddenly flew open and she found herself staring down at a petite redhead.
“She's not home,” Chrissie said, walking up to Laura. There was a scowl on her face and Laura nervously stepped back.
“I...” Laura started off.
“You're Laura, aren't you?” Chrissie said, blocking the door. “Why don't you do her a favor and get lost. You have no idea how upset you've made her.”
Laura winced as she felt her heart skip a beat. “She told you?” She was frozen to the ground, a cold sweat creeping up her back.
“She came to see me last night, she was so upset she didn't want to go to sleep,” Chrissie said. “I normally don't poke around in others' business, but stay the hell away from her. I know your kind.”
“But I...”
Chrissie looked away, refusing to look Laura in the face. “She's falling in love with you, but she doesn't realize what a worthless person you are.”
Laura stepped back, unable to speak. Even if she knew all of these things, to hear them from a stranger, to have her innermost demons brought to light was more than she could bear.
“How the hell can you treat people like this?” Chrissie demanded, clenching her teeth. “No,” she said, looking up at Laura. “I don't care what kind of mind games you like to play; I'm not going to let you hurt her.”
“I...” Laura stammered, looking down at the floor. She reached for the note she had in the pocket of her coat, but not having the nerve to pull it out.
“Sharon is too good for you,” Chrissie said. “She's too kind and innocent to see through you.”
But I want to start again, Laura thought. She didn't have the energy to fight back. What could she say to Chrissie? What could she say to appease this stranger, anyway? It's not as if Chrissie wasn't speaking the truth-even if it was a truth Laura wanted to escape.
Chrissie's hand caught her across the face like a thunderclap. She wasn't expecting it, and the tingling pain and dull ringing in her ear made her lose her balance. Laura fell onto her knees and outstretched palms.
“Get lost,” Chrissie said, her voice breaking up.
Laura sat down on the floor, rubbing her cheek.
“I don't care if she hates me for what I've done to you, but at least she'll never love you.”
Is she jealous? Laura thought. Is she protecting a friend? Or did I just deserve that?
“Get lost, you brat,” Chrissie said as she went into her dorm and slammed the door behind her.
Laura staggered to her feet, her face still burning. She stared at Sharon's room, clutching the note in her pocket before turning around to leave.