Solstice musings...
Happy Solstice to everyone! My longest night of the year was rather uneventful, sadly. Didn't even light a fire (i'm not counting the heater in the shop). Today, though, i'm trying to clean and renew in my house, but it's not going as gungho as i'd hoped because i'm hungry and sore (from jumping off the refrigerator onto the floor). I'm starting to think i really jarred something apart from the expected sore back from the sudden compression of vertebrae.
Anyway, i'm also trying to organize things (mentally and emotionally) and do a little "house cleaning" in that regard. Even though it's agonizing and driving me nuts, i have decided to take a backseat and not try to make things happen. I'm not giving in or giving up like i did a few weeks ago-- i do still have some hope; but i'm gonna try not to be so messed up and manic about things i really cannot control or manipulate. I know it's gonna be hard and so do those of you who really know me-- waiting for peanut gallery comments.
Christmas is going to totally suck; so, i'm trying to be prepared for that. I'm not really succeeding tho. I have no money. I have bought nothing for anybody. I know it's not about what or how much you buy for people. I didn't even bother to decorate. It would just depress me even more. A time for friends, and family, and fellowship... and it all just doesn't mean anything for me this year. I feel like a ghost or like i'm just sitting on the sidelines watching but not really feeling involved. Not that others are not including me, they are, i just don't feel like i belong.
Anyway, i'm also trying to organize things (mentally and emotionally) and do a little "house cleaning" in that regard. Even though it's agonizing and driving me nuts, i have decided to take a backseat and not try to make things happen. I'm not giving in or giving up like i did a few weeks ago-- i do still have some hope; but i'm gonna try not to be so messed up and manic about things i really cannot control or manipulate. I know it's gonna be hard and so do those of you who really know me-- waiting for peanut gallery comments.
Christmas is going to totally suck; so, i'm trying to be prepared for that. I'm not really succeeding tho. I have no money. I have bought nothing for anybody. I know it's not about what or how much you buy for people. I didn't even bother to decorate. It would just depress me even more. A time for friends, and family, and fellowship... and it all just doesn't mean anything for me this year. I feel like a ghost or like i'm just sitting on the sidelines watching but not really feeling involved. Not that others are not including me, they are, i just don't feel like i belong.