Life just shoves the lemons in my eyes.
I feel like it's unfair to complain about my life when my family life is going so badly lately. It just sucks because the times when I need support and help my family has a crisis. The last time I tried to complain and express how I felt during one of these moments I ended up worse off then I was before. I mean how do you really say "I'm sorry that things suck for you lets talk instead about how badly things are going for me?" That just doesn't seem fair. So instead I've decided to be quiet and not say anything. Bottling things up is sometimes the only solution.
But at the same time I feel like I need to talk to someone about how badly things are going. So I guess this is as good a place as any to talk. I'll start from the beginning. I'm still worried about my computer science class. I won't know how I did until tomorrow but I'm already thinking I'm going to have to repeat the class. This is stressful on so many levels. Apparently I am unnecessarily cruel towards myself and see any failure in my life as a personal flaw and can't bring myself to ever accept myself. I doubt this will ever change. It's a sucky way to view oneself though.
Then it feels like every single time I think I'm getting ahead I get dragged back down to the bottom. I keep trying to climb my way out of one hole only to fall into another. I got back my paper in English. One I worked really hard in only to find out my teacher didn't like any of it. I showed my obvious knowledge of Dante in the paper and still she didn't care. I don't want to rewrite the paper and seriously doubt I have time to do that. Then I've got my film paper due (same time the rewrite is due) and that's...a nightmare. It's a long paper and I haven't had enough time to work on it and probably won't have any time to work on it over the break.
Finally my animation teacher and class. God the depth of my hatred for the woman can't be written about it seems. She's a terrible teacher and the fact that she has class while all the other teachers canceled is just plain mean. It's also an "important class!" great I'm out of town. A part of me wonders if I should even leave with my family. Maybe I should stay here and work on my homework. But I need to get away from Utah and from my life for a while.
Basically I've got a mandatory meeting with my teacher to talk about my final project....two days before the final is due. I find that incredibly unfair. I mean how can she possibly help us if it's two days before it's due? The group before mine got a whole week before it's due. I get two days. I just can't believe how unfair that is.
It's like life is deciding to just screw me over lately. I'm really reaching the end of my endurance. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I just can't keep this up for long. Sigh. Well I feel a little better having written some of this out. Still stressed but at least my mind is a little clearer. Maybe I'll clean and clear things up more.
But at the same time I feel like I need to talk to someone about how badly things are going. So I guess this is as good a place as any to talk. I'll start from the beginning. I'm still worried about my computer science class. I won't know how I did until tomorrow but I'm already thinking I'm going to have to repeat the class. This is stressful on so many levels. Apparently I am unnecessarily cruel towards myself and see any failure in my life as a personal flaw and can't bring myself to ever accept myself. I doubt this will ever change. It's a sucky way to view oneself though.
Then it feels like every single time I think I'm getting ahead I get dragged back down to the bottom. I keep trying to climb my way out of one hole only to fall into another. I got back my paper in English. One I worked really hard in only to find out my teacher didn't like any of it. I showed my obvious knowledge of Dante in the paper and still she didn't care. I don't want to rewrite the paper and seriously doubt I have time to do that. Then I've got my film paper due (same time the rewrite is due) and that's...a nightmare. It's a long paper and I haven't had enough time to work on it and probably won't have any time to work on it over the break.
Finally my animation teacher and class. God the depth of my hatred for the woman can't be written about it seems. She's a terrible teacher and the fact that she has class while all the other teachers canceled is just plain mean. It's also an "important class!" great I'm out of town. A part of me wonders if I should even leave with my family. Maybe I should stay here and work on my homework. But I need to get away from Utah and from my life for a while.
Basically I've got a mandatory meeting with my teacher to talk about my final project....two days before the final is due. I find that incredibly unfair. I mean how can she possibly help us if it's two days before it's due? The group before mine got a whole week before it's due. I get two days. I just can't believe how unfair that is.
It's like life is deciding to just screw me over lately. I'm really reaching the end of my endurance. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I just can't keep this up for long. Sigh. Well I feel a little better having written some of this out. Still stressed but at least my mind is a little clearer. Maybe I'll clean and clear things up more.