The upside to this deployment
So my husband has been deployed since June and has been outside the states since September - he's in Iraq *pouts*. And of course that means we don't get to talk as much as I would like, although more often then some others have lamented getting to talk to their service members. I don't post here often, but I read everything that everyone says, and you all inspire me.
But this deployment has helped me learn that I can survive on my own. Before this, I've never really been alone, I have always had someone - my parents, Jamie (my ex husband), his parents, Niki & Mattman (old roommates), and of course Matt - that I was living with, someone that was taking care of some or all of the responsibilities of living somewhere. So this has been a time of self-discovery. I've learned that I can handle all of those things, that I can be ok on my own, that I am not dependent on someone else to survive (well, ok, his paycheck...). And it makes me proud of myself. I hope it makes him proud of me too.
All of this occured to me as I sat down and cried this morning. You see, tomorrow I graduate from college (finally), and Matt can't be here for it because he is in Iraq. I knew that, but today - while cleaning in anticipation for my parents arrival today for tomorrow ceremony - it hit me. But then I took a deep breath and told myself that it was because of his support that I had gotten this far, and that he was proud of me.
And so, of course I wish he could be here for this. But his not being here doesn't diminish this accomplishment at all, and in fact his being away for the last 6 months may make it more meaningful for us both - I did it for us both, not just for him. And now I can go into my ceremony happy, knowing that he would be here with me if he could.
But this deployment has helped me learn that I can survive on my own. Before this, I've never really been alone, I have always had someone - my parents, Jamie (my ex husband), his parents, Niki & Mattman (old roommates), and of course Matt - that I was living with, someone that was taking care of some or all of the responsibilities of living somewhere. So this has been a time of self-discovery. I've learned that I can handle all of those things, that I can be ok on my own, that I am not dependent on someone else to survive (well, ok, his paycheck...). And it makes me proud of myself. I hope it makes him proud of me too.
All of this occured to me as I sat down and cried this morning. You see, tomorrow I graduate from college (finally), and Matt can't be here for it because he is in Iraq. I knew that, but today - while cleaning in anticipation for my parents arrival today for tomorrow ceremony - it hit me. But then I took a deep breath and told myself that it was because of his support that I had gotten this far, and that he was proud of me.
And so, of course I wish he could be here for this. But his not being here doesn't diminish this accomplishment at all, and in fact his being away for the last 6 months may make it more meaningful for us both - I did it for us both, not just for him. And now I can go into my ceremony happy, knowing that he would be here with me if he could.