What do you get when you slice an avocado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces?

Guacamole

I was texting back and forth with a friend. Bad monkey puns were the order of the day. Here are some highlights:

What do you call an ape that wont leave you alone? A harangue-u-tan
How do monkeys get around? In ma-caw

Where do monkeys pick up rumors? Over the apevine
How do monkeys get down stairs? The slide down the banana-ster
What is a monkey's ( Read more... )

Man: Doctor, I've got lettuce growing out of my butt.

Doctor: Bend over and let me have a look. Ah, I think I see a small leaf.

Man: That's just the tip of the iceberg.

What do you call a whale with only one side?

Mobius Dick

A SQL statement walks into a bar...

He sees a couple of tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

There's a new bar called "Photon"

They serve light beer

How do you titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate it's tits alot.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What Bjork do when she gets horny?

She watches pjorn