Is There An Environmental Problem Here?
So tonight is the night I read every blog, facebook, literary-quote-LJcommunity, etc online. And book, actually. I found all kinds of books at work and didn’t even get to look at all of them before it was closing time. And I got like 5 library books. And then didn’t start reading any of them, because it was nice and Joel didn’t make dinner because we thought I was going bowling with work people, so I didn’t have to eat right away so I went for a bike ride. And it was great.
Lauren actually writes in her blog. Not just updates it, but writes. Like, makes pretty pictures with words to illustrate emotions and concepts and situations. Why don’t I do that? Probably because I try to do too much else in my life. I need to start making time to write. Except even my huge journal that I write tons in several times a week… it’s not like that. It’s just me talking to myself.
There is so much I really like about Andrew, but I KNOW that first-impression thing I did with Zane, which I talked about with Gretchen recently, is at work-He is immature and (ok this is a sub-categorical problem) thinks it’s cool/badass to talk about how tough, insensitive, and or drunk he can be. Other than that, I adore him a little too much. But I barely know him.
In other news, I picked up a clearance-table Spanish phrasebook, so Joel is putting together things like, "I have been vaccinated against bees," and pronouncing them all wrong. It's so fun. There are these ridiculous phrases like "Do you mind if I breastfeed here?" Oh, and Joel's favorite (to just randomly say to me at whatever point, and not even in Spanish) "Is there an environmental problem here?"
I am going to learn to be in the moment, I swear. I got a book on Love (Erich Fromm), one on Community, and a Thich Nhat Hanh (awesome little Buddhist monk dude) book called You Are Here. There was something else today I saw that said “you are here” and I feel like maybe it’s my new theme. I am here. I don’t go to Burlington because I need to focus on living my life. And we didn’t move and that annoys me for various reasons. You Are Here. Now, deal with it. Learn to be happy with THIS. And then choose to do whatever you need/want to do (this is the part I don’t get… here’s why…) I’m afraid that figuring out how to be happy with any given thing means I will never have anything but that thing…if I am happy, why would I change anything? And if I can be happy with what I have (Joel, living in Brookline) why would I disrupt everyone and everything to go get something else? But I bet those concepts aren’t mutually exclusive. I bet when you know how to be happy… you realize you can do anything. And then you…decide what to do based on…some kind of magically mind-boggling world-concept that I can’t even conceive of in my un-enlightened state. And then you go do it, because you are called to, or something. I just want some crazy, undeniable transformation. Doesn’t anyone else?