When I search myself, I know I belong at this school. I've carved a place for myself here, with connections from my heart and mind running to it. But we all have to deal with realities that are out of our control. I'm sorry I can't say or do anything else about it. I look back to the very beginning sometimes, sifting through until I find the one ( Read more... )

I didn't care when he dragged me by my skirt to the top of the slide, when he pushed me down so hard I crashed onto dry wood chips. And when the school nurse soaked my bloody palms in antiseptic and tweezed out four splinters and she asked me who did it I didn't tell her because my insides were silently screaming for more of his enigmatic ( Read more... )

One afternoon, he had his fists in his hair and he was staring into the bathroom mirror, unable to drown out my last mad dare for him to Just say it, say what you really think of me, make me feel something you prick. And he did. And I saw him broke ( Read more... )

Next time I invite you to my house, to my room, to my bed, realize something. You're not as straight-cut bad as you think you are. I don't buy it. Me telling you to leave before we have a chance to hold a conversation isn't what pisses you off, makes you want to turn around and say something, grab my shirt push me back onto the sheets and give ( Read more... )

The last thing I want is for you to be annoyed with me. But for once, I'm annoyed with you, too. I don't like to be reminded of these things. To have to punctuate whatever it is that divides us yet again. I can't understand any of it. Life is too short for fragile alliances.

Irritation gets us nowhere, though. I will settle these feelings

I want to blame it all on the sun, on its promise of summer; the way it's heating up our skin and the blood in our veins.  You're burning me up, but it's not your fault ( Read more... )

No matter how high you kick the volume
You will never, ever drown out the sound of a parent's disappointment.

So much for eighteen.

But enough about that.  I want to talk about people.

The ones we try so hard to win over, and at some point believe we did.  Until, of course, we realize that maybe -just maybe- we are meaningless to them.

I smile ( Read more... )

A part of me (and I don't know how how big or small that part is) wants you to know that I'm okay with the fact that we're never going to understand each other.  I've never wanted it to seem like I expected something in return.  And yet I want to believe that you still keep the things I've given you in a special drawer or box.  It's not easy trying ( Read more... )

My relationship with my parents has gone down the shitter. But I'll fry that fish another day. This is just going to be about one effect of that ( Read more... )

Dear Boy ( Read more... )