1 year anniversary
tomorow is me and chris's one year anniversary. and the irony of it would be that he has his first counsling session for our marriage counsling. ha ha (sarcasm)
things suck. i mean, i love him, and he is so much fun. but that is about it. things are fine and dandy when it comes to fun and sex mostly. but when it comes to romance, or responsibility or money, or anything else basically. things suck.
i am just so effing stressed out all of the time. and in so much pain cause of my back (but at least i can walk again). so i take 2 vicadin (sp??) and he is upset. he is jealous i know cause he keeps talking about how much he wants to get stoned and eat some pills. but he... ahhhhhhhhhh! thats all i want to do anymore.
so im 21 years old right. spent a year over seas where i couldnt drink. spent 9 months pregnant where i couldnt drink. now all of the sudden i want to have a few drinks every once in a while and he straight up calls me an alcoholic. first of all... fuck off. cause i am anything but. he says all i want to do now is be a kid and be 21 and not hang out with him. ummm... i am 21. yes, i would like to BE 21. since i am already married with a kid. its nice to have fun on occasion. second... grr i get so mad talking about him. he says that i am an alcoholic cause i mention drinking every once in a while. not cause i ACCTUALLY do it. but because i talk about it. when he talks about every fucking day eating pills. hypocrite! i work almost full time. i take care of a baby 24/7. i take 100% care of anything to do with our house, finances, erronds, cleaning cooking... blah blah blah. and he says im a kid.
i told him i wish he never would have asked me to marry him. and i ment it.
now we are in counsling.
i am so frusterated all of the time. and i just want out. but im too much of a pansy to ever do it. i used to say that i was going to stay with him cause i would miss him too much if we were ever apart. i dont think that anymore. i mean, i do have fun with him. and i would obviously miss the good times. but the good times are just so far apart, there really wouldnt be too much to miss.
i hope i can sleep tonight. i have to work in the morn. fuck