a lot of blabber, and some gross stuff...
so chris now knows about my ed. fuux... we both got hopped up on pills and beer (i had gone to the bar prior to this) and we were watching tv, and mostly just talking. but we were doing some deep down emotional talking crap... and it came out. (apparently he had already known from when we dated like, 2 years ago.) the next morning i didnt know if i had acctually told him, or just imagined that i did... but i did. cause he brought it up yesterday. SO... we went to BD's mongolian barbeque with corey. i went to the bathroom when we got there, and i guess i took a while. when i came out to the table chris was like 'we were waiting on you' and corey looks at me and in a serious face says 'katie, you know there is help out there with people who are bulimic' i just froze right then and there. i must have looked like a deer in headlights. but then he started smiling and was like 'just kidding' and walked away. me and chris just stared at eachother like wtf!?! i was so scared... it was weird. i was sick when we went there, and had already puked twice cause i was so hungover. i ate a little bit of food, and then as soon as i was done, it decided to come back up. so i ran to the bathroom. when i came out, chris was really mad at me, and wouldnt talk to me. i swore up and down that i didnt do it on purpose. it took some convincing, but he let up. he wants me to get help. he said even if he has to drive me to the doctors hisself. we talked a bit about it, and i told him that i wanted to talk to someone, cause i really do, but i cant do it alone. so he said he would go with me. or my sister could go. but he has been watching me like a hawk. i got up to pee the other day, and when he walked into the living room and i wasnt sitting there, he went and opened up the bathroom door. with out knocking, just to make sure. im glad that he cares though.
chris is great though. he quit doing drugs which i good. but is as much of a pill popper as i am. which is good cause he wont bitch at me for popping them. he is soo much different than i remember. i was hesitant about dating him, or even talking to him again cause of our past, and our relationship back then wasnt that great. but now... i dont know. he would do anything in the world for me. he has proven that in the last... few days that we have been together. he gave me a key, and lets me stay at his place how ever long. he watches out for me. and hasnt pressured me into sex. which is something that i was worried about because of our past. but i told him that i really wanted to wait. all we have done is kiss. and although he askes, he always stops when i say no. he respects the fact that i say the next person i have sex with,
i want that to be the last person i have sex with. its awesome.
KIND OF GROSS: something is worrying me. there has always been some blood in my stools. i notice it when i wipe. but now it seems like there is more. i thought i had to poop today, and i didnt, but when i stood up, and looked down in the toilet, there was a bit of blood. and im deff not on my period. and it hurts, it feels like cramping, but in my butt. i wonder if i should get that checked out or something. i am hoping it just goes away. i dont want to tell a doc that i use laxatives, n that my intestines are prolly shot from throwing everything up... it still worries me a little. oh well
chris is great though. he quit doing drugs which i good. but is as much of a pill popper as i am. which is good cause he wont bitch at me for popping them. he is soo much different than i remember. i was hesitant about dating him, or even talking to him again cause of our past, and our relationship back then wasnt that great. but now... i dont know. he would do anything in the world for me. he has proven that in the last... few days that we have been together. he gave me a key, and lets me stay at his place how ever long. he watches out for me. and hasnt pressured me into sex. which is something that i was worried about because of our past. but i told him that i really wanted to wait. all we have done is kiss. and although he askes, he always stops when i say no. he respects the fact that i say the next person i have sex with,
i want that to be the last person i have sex with. its awesome.
KIND OF GROSS: something is worrying me. there has always been some blood in my stools. i notice it when i wipe. but now it seems like there is more. i thought i had to poop today, and i didnt, but when i stood up, and looked down in the toilet, there was a bit of blood. and im deff not on my period. and it hurts, it feels like cramping, but in my butt. i wonder if i should get that checked out or something. i am hoping it just goes away. i dont want to tell a doc that i use laxatives, n that my intestines are prolly shot from throwing everything up... it still worries me a little. oh well