(Untitled)

[oneandonlysusan]

Title: Burden
Author: oneandonlysusan
Genre: General/slight angst/romance.
Rating & Warnings: PG-13
Prompts: sunset; "'Course Dumbledore trusts you. He's a trusting man, isn't he? Believes in second chances. But me -- I say there are spots that don't come off, Snape. Spots that never come off, know what I mean?"
Word Count: 5,086
Summary: After the

Comments

[lizetm]

This was very good!

I love that Remus' constant 'burden', as you put it, with Sirius is always present throughout all this. I really liked the way you made Tonks and Remus come together, it was really sweet and cute.

Dung makes me laugh so much! XD

Great job!

[oneandonlysusan]

Thanks for the lovely comments!

I always think about how hard it is for Remus to be Sirius' best friend after Azkaban, and the fact that he seems to stand steady throughout all of it makes me love him even more as a character.

Oh, and Dung was rather fun to write. :)

Sorry you had to read it before the spacing was fixed!

[wildmagelet]

This is just lovely. Everyone seemed very in-character and the emotions at the table were almost tangible. I think you captured the frustration of the various characters to make themselves heard and to struggle with responsibilities and burdens that they didn't ask to bear. I especially loved Remus's inner monologue. The hint of jealousy towards Bill was very welcome! :) And I think that was one of my all-time favourite R/T kisses.

I really hope you keep contributing to the Ficathons, because I'd love to read more.

[oneandonlysusan]

Thanks for the kind comments!

I like that in addition to all fighting together in the Order, all the characters are burdened by something they didn't choose. I mean, obviously nobody chooses to have to deal with hardships, but it just makes the characters more real to me.

Yeah, I figured I'd sneak jealous towards Bill in there as a sort of irrational emotionally exhausted Remus moment. He knows that there's nothing between them, but it doesn't stop his jealous frustration.

I'm glad you liked the kiss! It took me forever to write...I chose the words so carefully and picked at them over and over to try and make it perfect, because I didn't want a kiss that was too cliche.

Thanks again! I'd love to continue contributing...I only wish I had found this community earlier, instead of right before the release of DH! :(

[lady_bracknell]

Oh, this is really lovely. I thought you really nailed the characterisations and the relationships between the characters, particularly Sirius and Remus, that almost unthinking way Remus steps up to defend and look after Sirius, but also puts him in his place.

I really liked the pace, too, and something about the Remus/Tonks interaction felt remarkably unforced and natural - the kiss almost comes out of nowhere but doesn't at the same time, and their conversation afterwards leads you to believe that Tonks knows Remus pretty well - she's been watching him for a while.

This line is really stellar: “It left a terrible mark on a good man,” he said quietly. He looked down at his hands.

A really great read. I'd love for you to write their date :).

[oneandonlysusan]

Thank you so much for the lovely comments! I apologize for not having responded sooner...I went on vacation and didn't go online (I did manage to get DH at midnight in Hawaii, though

[mrstater]

Oh, this is wonderful! I think it's one of my favorite pieces from this ficathon.

First off, you captured Remus' POV and internal voice so well, and I think this really has that heavy, grim old atmosphere of Headquarters. I feel so for your Sirius, which says a lot because I always have such a hard time sympathising with him. This line was truly inspired: as dark as Sirius’ blackened moods Really nice play on Sirius Black.

And yet contrasted with the heaviness, as soon as Remus begins to talk with Tonks, everything gets lighter, and as ladybracknell said, it feels very natural and effortless. They go from deep to sweet to flirty so easily, and I love their slow advance from platonic hand-touching to more intimate to kissing. And her hand at his back was just lovely. And it's great that Remus doesn't totally doubt himself on the dating front. He knows he doesn't have much to offer, but he's going to do the best he can, and that's very, very Remus.

I second that vote for you writing their first date!

[oneandonlysusan]

Thank you so much! Kind reviews mean a lot, especially from you, because I absolutely love your R/T work

[gilpin25]

To echo everyone else, I very much enjoyed this. It's a lovely, quiet read and you've got a lovely, quiet style to go along with it and which gives the reader time to absorb what you're saying about the characters. And it works well because Remus is doing so much thinking here...

I think you did very well getting the complexity of Sirius across, as well as the relationship between him and Remus, which often seems to me to be a reversal of their school days. I particularly liked this passage:

Sirius ended (between tears of delight, unrestrainable laughter and while talking to a cabinet with a gargoyle’s face for a handle) with stories that Remus couldn’t quite remember; stories of flying hippogriffs and silver stags. In these stories, the names Harry and James were near interchangeable, and Remus was never sure where the reality Remus knew ended and the reality Sirius knew began.The R/T interaction is just great - very natural and it's such a slow build onto them kissing and him asking her out. Really lovely. And the last line

[oneandonlysusan]

Thank you!

I'm glad you liked that passage...It took me awhile to write it, actually. I just couldn't get the wording right the first few times I edited, and then it just sort of came to me.

Sorry about responding late...As I told everyone else who commented, I went on vacation and didn't get internet access until I got back home tonight.

I think I will write the date! Thanks again for the kind comments.