Catch Up
It's been 5 months since I've been here. Crazy talk. I've been awful at writing, even though I think about it every day. Prioritizing my time is a struggle. Focus McKinnley, focus.
Marcus and I took a breather for a bit in January, talked some things out, and decided to continue working on progressing our relationship. It's been mostly good, fun, and easy, but we still have plenty of things we need to work out. He's a good man, he's dedicated and hard-working and generous. He's kind. He's engaged. I think he and I are similar in some of our personality traits, and that we can understand each other in a lot of ways. We're different, very different, but trying to find ways to come together, which is important. I'm not 100% convinced that this is it for the long haul: I'm fairly certain it could be, I just need to make that commitment in my head and in my soul.
It's so hard to make that decision, it seems so...... final. I don't know that I'm capable of committing on that level. But, we're working on it, and when we're succeeding it feels great.
ACE Coffee & Diner turned out to be a disaster. The owners were completely incapable business owners, they were disrespectful and uncommunicative. I was working 60 hours a week with little input, little praise, and little income. Actually, for the last 6 weeks I was there I was making no income, because they were having trouble making payroll and I refused to be paid until my staff had been. But then cheques kept bouncing and promises of payments went unfulfilled..... It's been three months since I left and I have yet to be paid for three pay periods: I'm owed $5000. I've contacted the Labour Board and am waiting for them to DO SOMETHING. It's frustrating. And disappointing. But I knew it was the right move for me to make - when I took the job, and also when I left. I learned a lot, which was the point, although it was really sad to walk away so soon after it opened. But, upwards and onwards.
I took a month off. Was offered a job managing a brand new restaurant opening in May, but it was in Airdrie (1.5+ hour commute each day), the salary was shockingly low ($35K), and it would've meant working 60+ hours over the summer. While I loved the owner and the concept, and it would have been a great step for my career, I simply couldn't get excited about it, so I turned it down. Occasionally I kick myself for being lazy, but I'm trying to follow my heart and trust The Universe - there are other, better things to come.
I'm serving now, at Midtown Kitchen & Bar. It's a great spot, minimal drama, awesome staff, easy work. I like it. Although my pride is having a difficult time telling people, "I'm just serving again." I have no idea what's next.
And I'm feeling stagnant. Uninspired. Frustrated.
I was on such an upswing for a long time, I'm not sure how I lost it, but I need to get it back.
Reading Brene Brown's latest book "Rising Strong" has helped. It's reminded me to get really honest with myself, to recognize my emotional tells and dig deep when I'm being triggered. To acknowledge and speak the stories that I'm telling myself, to be vulnerable and real and communicative, so that I can know myself better, and become better connected to the people around me. It's almost overwhelming, but not quite.
I want nothing more than to be open-hearted, and learning, and CONNECTED.
Marcus and I took a breather for a bit in January, talked some things out, and decided to continue working on progressing our relationship. It's been mostly good, fun, and easy, but we still have plenty of things we need to work out. He's a good man, he's dedicated and hard-working and generous. He's kind. He's engaged. I think he and I are similar in some of our personality traits, and that we can understand each other in a lot of ways. We're different, very different, but trying to find ways to come together, which is important. I'm not 100% convinced that this is it for the long haul: I'm fairly certain it could be, I just need to make that commitment in my head and in my soul.
It's so hard to make that decision, it seems so...... final. I don't know that I'm capable of committing on that level. But, we're working on it, and when we're succeeding it feels great.
ACE Coffee & Diner turned out to be a disaster. The owners were completely incapable business owners, they were disrespectful and uncommunicative. I was working 60 hours a week with little input, little praise, and little income. Actually, for the last 6 weeks I was there I was making no income, because they were having trouble making payroll and I refused to be paid until my staff had been. But then cheques kept bouncing and promises of payments went unfulfilled..... It's been three months since I left and I have yet to be paid for three pay periods: I'm owed $5000. I've contacted the Labour Board and am waiting for them to DO SOMETHING. It's frustrating. And disappointing. But I knew it was the right move for me to make - when I took the job, and also when I left. I learned a lot, which was the point, although it was really sad to walk away so soon after it opened. But, upwards and onwards.
I took a month off. Was offered a job managing a brand new restaurant opening in May, but it was in Airdrie (1.5+ hour commute each day), the salary was shockingly low ($35K), and it would've meant working 60+ hours over the summer. While I loved the owner and the concept, and it would have been a great step for my career, I simply couldn't get excited about it, so I turned it down. Occasionally I kick myself for being lazy, but I'm trying to follow my heart and trust The Universe - there are other, better things to come.
I'm serving now, at Midtown Kitchen & Bar. It's a great spot, minimal drama, awesome staff, easy work. I like it. Although my pride is having a difficult time telling people, "I'm just serving again." I have no idea what's next.
And I'm feeling stagnant. Uninspired. Frustrated.
I was on such an upswing for a long time, I'm not sure how I lost it, but I need to get it back.
Reading Brene Brown's latest book "Rising Strong" has helped. It's reminded me to get really honest with myself, to recognize my emotional tells and dig deep when I'm being triggered. To acknowledge and speak the stories that I'm telling myself, to be vulnerable and real and communicative, so that I can know myself better, and become better connected to the people around me. It's almost overwhelming, but not quite.
I want nothing more than to be open-hearted, and learning, and CONNECTED.