Finally seeing the light
Today I got paid to garden in the sunshine. Not a bad gig.
And tonight I have my first art class. I'm a little nervous and really wish someone was coming with me, but I imagine I'll survive. Jade is going to take a painting class with me in the fall, which I'm excited about.
We have two french people and a french dog staying with us right now, thanks to CouchSurfing.com . I like to do my part sometimes, send a few good vibes out into the Universe. They're a couple and on their profile the girl described her partner has "the one with his feet on the earth." I like that, especially because it applies quite aptly to Maclean and I as well.
Speaking of which, after two days of him being utterly pissy and yet another epic drinking conversation, I think we're finally on a much better track. Sunday he asked if we could talk, then proceeded to inform me, "I'm not going to drink any more, at all, ever. But that means that I won't be going out or seeing my friends or anything either. And since drinking is a part of who I am, I'm probably going to change. And I may not like it, and things might not be great, and I can't guarantee it'll last forever, but I can't think of any other solution to our problem." Sometimes he's seriously overdramatic. I wasn't even a tiny bit happy at his suggestion, I thought it was completely stupid. It didn't take much to talk him out of it, but it took more discussion to figure out what might be a fair compromise. I don't mind if he drinks occasionally - and he's been doing MUCH better at that - but it still frustrates me that he can't do ANYTHING without drinking. If he's with his friends somewhere, it doesn't matter where or what they're doing, there's alcohol involved. Most of the time, I shrug my shoulders, but just every once in awhile I wish he'd go out and be social and NOT drink.
Through the course of our discussion he basically said that he's never been out socially or had a good time without drinking. Which I think is really sad. I'm not discounting that a night of alcohol induced mania isn't highly entertaining at times, but if you can't be social and have a fun time without alcohol, I think that's a problem. And I refuse to raise kids with the attitude that to have fun you have to drink, and that's just what everyone does. I intend to teach them to drink responsibly, but I also intend to ingrain in them that it's a choice and you can be outgoing and have a good time without alcohol or drugs.
I think I plead my case well enough that Maclean is on board. I guess we'll see as time goes by.
Somewhat unrelated, I'm feeling much better mentally and emotionally. My health practitioner put me on this homeopathic called "Paravita" which is supposed to help with exhaustion, stress and all that good stuff. She was all, "We just got it in and it sounds like exactly what you need." I think it's working. Something is working anyway because the crazy is subsiding. Yay!
I've been busy with work this week, and organizing life in general. Although I still haven't organized my room. Mike made a comment about it the other day, and how he wishes I would clean it. I told him I'm not emotionally ready to do so. His predictable response was, "What do emotions have to do with it?!" I didn't want to tell him what it was saying about me, and us, that I can't bring myself to unpack and settle back into our house and life together. But now that I've realized it's an emotional thing, I'm ok with just letting it sit all messy until I'm really ready.
So just as things are settling into "Good" I discover a fairly substantial lump in my breast. This was on Monday night. Tuesday I asked Mike to give it a feel without indicating anything to him and he immediately discovered the same lump. I was kind of hoping he wouldn't feel anything and I'd just chalk it up to the crazy. But unfortunately it's really there and I really have to deal with it. I have an appointment at a clinic tomorrow... I'm trying not to freak out.
And tonight I have my first art class. I'm a little nervous and really wish someone was coming with me, but I imagine I'll survive. Jade is going to take a painting class with me in the fall, which I'm excited about.
We have two french people and a french dog staying with us right now, thanks to CouchSurfing.com . I like to do my part sometimes, send a few good vibes out into the Universe. They're a couple and on their profile the girl described her partner has "the one with his feet on the earth." I like that, especially because it applies quite aptly to Maclean and I as well.
Speaking of which, after two days of him being utterly pissy and yet another epic drinking conversation, I think we're finally on a much better track. Sunday he asked if we could talk, then proceeded to inform me, "I'm not going to drink any more, at all, ever. But that means that I won't be going out or seeing my friends or anything either. And since drinking is a part of who I am, I'm probably going to change. And I may not like it, and things might not be great, and I can't guarantee it'll last forever, but I can't think of any other solution to our problem." Sometimes he's seriously overdramatic. I wasn't even a tiny bit happy at his suggestion, I thought it was completely stupid. It didn't take much to talk him out of it, but it took more discussion to figure out what might be a fair compromise. I don't mind if he drinks occasionally - and he's been doing MUCH better at that - but it still frustrates me that he can't do ANYTHING without drinking. If he's with his friends somewhere, it doesn't matter where or what they're doing, there's alcohol involved. Most of the time, I shrug my shoulders, but just every once in awhile I wish he'd go out and be social and NOT drink.
Through the course of our discussion he basically said that he's never been out socially or had a good time without drinking. Which I think is really sad. I'm not discounting that a night of alcohol induced mania isn't highly entertaining at times, but if you can't be social and have a fun time without alcohol, I think that's a problem. And I refuse to raise kids with the attitude that to have fun you have to drink, and that's just what everyone does. I intend to teach them to drink responsibly, but I also intend to ingrain in them that it's a choice and you can be outgoing and have a good time without alcohol or drugs.
I think I plead my case well enough that Maclean is on board. I guess we'll see as time goes by.
Somewhat unrelated, I'm feeling much better mentally and emotionally. My health practitioner put me on this homeopathic called "Paravita" which is supposed to help with exhaustion, stress and all that good stuff. She was all, "We just got it in and it sounds like exactly what you need." I think it's working. Something is working anyway because the crazy is subsiding. Yay!
I've been busy with work this week, and organizing life in general. Although I still haven't organized my room. Mike made a comment about it the other day, and how he wishes I would clean it. I told him I'm not emotionally ready to do so. His predictable response was, "What do emotions have to do with it?!" I didn't want to tell him what it was saying about me, and us, that I can't bring myself to unpack and settle back into our house and life together. But now that I've realized it's an emotional thing, I'm ok with just letting it sit all messy until I'm really ready.
So just as things are settling into "Good" I discover a fairly substantial lump in my breast. This was on Monday night. Tuesday I asked Mike to give it a feel without indicating anything to him and he immediately discovered the same lump. I was kind of hoping he wouldn't feel anything and I'd just chalk it up to the crazy. But unfortunately it's really there and I really have to deal with it. I have an appointment at a clinic tomorrow... I'm trying not to freak out.