Another day
I get my Mark cd soon -yay! And I got an email from him -he liked my artwork, he he :) Crayons are fun, I miss my pencil crayons though.
Today I did... Nothing!!! I'm pretty ok with that because I have all day tomorrow to fill as well.
In my talk with Chappy last night he said some interesting stuff. He mentioned that I am on holiday here and I don't need people making my life difficult. It was almost like he was implying that I am putting my life on hold because I am across the ocean from my "home." I thought that was strange. I mean, I am living my life here exactly the same as I would if I was at home -or anywhere else for that matter. My life is where I am and what I am doing at any given moment, I try to never put it on hold. I agree that travelling is a bit different than sitting in one place and you have to live by different rules, but I'm not exactly moving around at the moment. I want life to be as complete and intense and as real as possible from moment to moment and day to day. It would be silly for me to sit here for 3 or 5 or 7 months and the whole time be in the mind set that "This doesn't matter, this isn't 'real' life, I can't do these things because I might leave soon..." I have nothing holding me back right now, nothing holding me anywhere. I am allowed to be in this country until January 16th, and after that I don't know what I will do. That doesn't scare me because it means I am free to do literally ANYTHING. I can do whatever interesting adventure grabs my attention, I can make any plan I want to make, dream any dream, and do it. It's exciting. The only intimidating part is trying to narrow down which of my many desires I am going to tackle next. Yes, Chappy is making my life a bit difficult, but I don't want him to go away simply because I'm only here temporarily. I want to experience people and relationships as if that wasn't an issue.
"no one seemed to have the time to cherish what was given."
This lovely girl at the bagel shop gave us a whole pile of brownies when we bought lunch today because she was baking new ones -yum! I might go eat one (another one).
I miss singing. I had the flat to myself for a bit tonight. I cranked the music and sang at the top of my lungs. It wasn't enough though. It feels so good to sing, to use my voice and lungs. It is such a marvelous means of expression. I'm terribly out of practice and absolutely craving a means to use my voice more often. It still makes me happy though, even if it's just singing along to Robbie Williams at work and having all the customers look at me a bit strangely. I tried singing in public -once. It sucked, or I should say, I sucked (the crowd was actually really receptive and far more generous than they should have been.) I don't know where to go or what to do to sing. I saw a handwritten flyer up awhile ago, about a band or group of some sort that wanted singers or musicians. I wrote down the info, but never called. Too chicken. My voice is fine, but nothing special, especially after hardly singing for over 4 months. Plus, I would feel pretty useless trying to just be a singer as I can't play any instruments, or even write anything to contribute. I think it would be fantastic to sing with/for a band. Combining my love of singing with my love of the stage. I've thought that I would find a great group of talented musicians that I really respected (and that didn't have a singer for some very odd reason) and sing for them, but I would stand off to the side and let them be the focus and the entertainment. Don't know if it would work, but the singers always get the spotlight and do all the talking and I wouldn't feel right with that as I would be the expendable one.
"you're so careful when I'm in your arms"
It's been awhile since I've been in someone's arms. I don't necessarily want a lover, just a friend. Someone I can be close to. Someone I can trust. I don't really trust anyone here these days, and it's hard for me. I want someone that I can talk to and know I'm not going to hear it repeated by somebody else. I want someone that will tell me they are going to phone me, and then will actually phone.
I have been wanting to write lately. I usually want to write, but I don't do it often enough. The fairy has inspired the creative urge in me. I really wanted to decorate my walls some more. I have a whole pile of images and words to put together, but it's so cold in my room that it's hard for me to be in there, let alone function while in there. And there's too much stuff to take to the coffee shop and work on -as I have done in the past. Maybe I'll pack it all up tomorrow and hope I'm lucky enough to get the big round table in the back.
My sister turns 18 today. I miss my sisters. They are such amazing people. I have missed seeing them grow up and become the people they are today because I have been gone for so long. Seeing them on occasion barely counts, especially when I don't sit down and talk to them. I maul them with hugs and kisses and pick on them to no end when I do see them, but that doesn't help me get to know them -or help them get to know me. They both have been emailing me quite a bit lately, and I LOVE it. I really think that I would be a better person if they had been my older sisters and I had them around to look up to when I was young.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is easy to see, and there are some incidents in my life that I have NO idea why they occured. Even though things aren't going well in my relations with Chappy, I have already learned some interesting things from him. First of all, he jumps in with both feet and gives it his all. He doesn't do things half way. It doesn't mean he is pushy or overwhelming, it simply means that he knows what he wants and he goes for it. Nothing ventured nothing gained. And he realizes when it's not working out, from either bad judgement on his part, or because it just wasn't right, and he backs out, takes it in stride, and starts again. I think that's pretty cool. I'm always too chicken to do things so thoroughly. I'm afraid of stepping on toes, I'm afraid of being rejected, I'm afraid of not having everybody like me (is there anyone that EVERYbody likes??), I don't want feelings to get hurt, including my own. And I think I miss out.
I love how Josh laughs at my misadventures.
I think this is enough meandering of my mind for tonight.
Today I did... Nothing!!! I'm pretty ok with that because I have all day tomorrow to fill as well.
In my talk with Chappy last night he said some interesting stuff. He mentioned that I am on holiday here and I don't need people making my life difficult. It was almost like he was implying that I am putting my life on hold because I am across the ocean from my "home." I thought that was strange. I mean, I am living my life here exactly the same as I would if I was at home -or anywhere else for that matter. My life is where I am and what I am doing at any given moment, I try to never put it on hold. I agree that travelling is a bit different than sitting in one place and you have to live by different rules, but I'm not exactly moving around at the moment. I want life to be as complete and intense and as real as possible from moment to moment and day to day. It would be silly for me to sit here for 3 or 5 or 7 months and the whole time be in the mind set that "This doesn't matter, this isn't 'real' life, I can't do these things because I might leave soon..." I have nothing holding me back right now, nothing holding me anywhere. I am allowed to be in this country until January 16th, and after that I don't know what I will do. That doesn't scare me because it means I am free to do literally ANYTHING. I can do whatever interesting adventure grabs my attention, I can make any plan I want to make, dream any dream, and do it. It's exciting. The only intimidating part is trying to narrow down which of my many desires I am going to tackle next. Yes, Chappy is making my life a bit difficult, but I don't want him to go away simply because I'm only here temporarily. I want to experience people and relationships as if that wasn't an issue.
"no one seemed to have the time to cherish what was given."
This lovely girl at the bagel shop gave us a whole pile of brownies when we bought lunch today because she was baking new ones -yum! I might go eat one (another one).
I miss singing. I had the flat to myself for a bit tonight. I cranked the music and sang at the top of my lungs. It wasn't enough though. It feels so good to sing, to use my voice and lungs. It is such a marvelous means of expression. I'm terribly out of practice and absolutely craving a means to use my voice more often. It still makes me happy though, even if it's just singing along to Robbie Williams at work and having all the customers look at me a bit strangely. I tried singing in public -once. It sucked, or I should say, I sucked (the crowd was actually really receptive and far more generous than they should have been.) I don't know where to go or what to do to sing. I saw a handwritten flyer up awhile ago, about a band or group of some sort that wanted singers or musicians. I wrote down the info, but never called. Too chicken. My voice is fine, but nothing special, especially after hardly singing for over 4 months. Plus, I would feel pretty useless trying to just be a singer as I can't play any instruments, or even write anything to contribute. I think it would be fantastic to sing with/for a band. Combining my love of singing with my love of the stage. I've thought that I would find a great group of talented musicians that I really respected (and that didn't have a singer for some very odd reason) and sing for them, but I would stand off to the side and let them be the focus and the entertainment. Don't know if it would work, but the singers always get the spotlight and do all the talking and I wouldn't feel right with that as I would be the expendable one.
"you're so careful when I'm in your arms"
It's been awhile since I've been in someone's arms. I don't necessarily want a lover, just a friend. Someone I can be close to. Someone I can trust. I don't really trust anyone here these days, and it's hard for me. I want someone that I can talk to and know I'm not going to hear it repeated by somebody else. I want someone that will tell me they are going to phone me, and then will actually phone.
I have been wanting to write lately. I usually want to write, but I don't do it often enough. The fairy has inspired the creative urge in me. I really wanted to decorate my walls some more. I have a whole pile of images and words to put together, but it's so cold in my room that it's hard for me to be in there, let alone function while in there. And there's too much stuff to take to the coffee shop and work on -as I have done in the past. Maybe I'll pack it all up tomorrow and hope I'm lucky enough to get the big round table in the back.
My sister turns 18 today. I miss my sisters. They are such amazing people. I have missed seeing them grow up and become the people they are today because I have been gone for so long. Seeing them on occasion barely counts, especially when I don't sit down and talk to them. I maul them with hugs and kisses and pick on them to no end when I do see them, but that doesn't help me get to know them -or help them get to know me. They both have been emailing me quite a bit lately, and I LOVE it. I really think that I would be a better person if they had been my older sisters and I had them around to look up to when I was young.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is easy to see, and there are some incidents in my life that I have NO idea why they occured. Even though things aren't going well in my relations with Chappy, I have already learned some interesting things from him. First of all, he jumps in with both feet and gives it his all. He doesn't do things half way. It doesn't mean he is pushy or overwhelming, it simply means that he knows what he wants and he goes for it. Nothing ventured nothing gained. And he realizes when it's not working out, from either bad judgement on his part, or because it just wasn't right, and he backs out, takes it in stride, and starts again. I think that's pretty cool. I'm always too chicken to do things so thoroughly. I'm afraid of stepping on toes, I'm afraid of being rejected, I'm afraid of not having everybody like me (is there anyone that EVERYbody likes??), I don't want feelings to get hurt, including my own. And I think I miss out.
I love how Josh laughs at my misadventures.
I think this is enough meandering of my mind for tonight.