Lost
I need to talk. I desperately need some advice, someone who knows the situation, but still has a clear view -unlike my own. But the ones I trust are too far away and therefore sleeping at the moment, and the ones that are near, well, either I don't know if I can trust them, or I don't know if they will understand and empathize. Let me clarify my dilemma, just for my own head. Chappy has fallen head over heels for me, I hurt him by kind of hooking up with Adam, we have a chat and make amends, then he ditches me for lunch and avoids me for a week, finally talk tonight, he sayd he's over it and we can be friends, then he asks if I want to come spend the night. "Cuddles would be nice" he says. Indeed they would. I have no problems sleeping (as in sleeping) with my friends, in the same bed, actually quite enjoy it as it is comfy and nice to be close to someone. But, I am feeling kind of used by his proposal. I mean, isn't that kind of out of the blue? Does he want to spend time with me, or does he just want a warm body? Is he trying to "win me over?" Or can he really jump to friendship that easily? We've slept in his bed before, and he was a perfect gentleman. I want to spend time with him, but is this the way to do it? If I'm having this many doubts, then perhaps I should stay at home. but a part of me wants to go. Most likely the part of me that usually ends up getting me in trouble. Agh! I was finally having a decent day for the first time in awhile, now this are all messy again. Hence the name of this journal "messy one" -it should be "messed up one" or "messy life." I try.... but I need some help. And there's no help to be found at the moment.