Time to begin writing again
Well, I've spent the winter back in therapy. For depression. Seems that after my week in the hospital last November, I crashed big time. A very wonderful, very smart woman saw through my efforts to pretend I was on top of everything. Seems that most people around me don't realize when I'm faking it. I've learned to do it SO well. But someone saw and had a long, hard talk with me. And sent me into the office of someone I've come to really care about a lot. We spent the first few weeks just getting to know one another (in other words, her getting to know what makes me tick). And then she came to a realization: I've suffered trauma. More than once. And I relive them. A lot. In other words, I'm suffering PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). She's pinpointed three traumas in my life that involved threats to my life and explained how I've been living my life ever since. And it amazed me because (1) no one else in my life to this date ever noticed and (2) while I've heard a lot about PTSD, it never occurred to me that I could be suffering from it.
Well, she's walking me through meditations that really seem to help and she said that the thing that triggered this latest bout with depression was, of course, breast cancer. I tried fighting through it, but my past trauma made things worse. So, now that I'm about to go for another mammogram, she's working with me to keep my 6 month anxiety to a workable level.
She was a big help in my life while Hubz went through his cardiac cath. He did very well, although I've never seen him so terrified. But beyond his genetic heart problem (which is a biggie in and of itself), there are no further problems. Thank you God.
She's given me a lot to work on this week, including s l o w l y beginning to change my sleep pattern. She wants to get me out of the darkness and into the light again. And I'm ready. So I've begun her process. And I have to do a lot of writing for her this week.
And out of the blue, Hubz's manager's sister, also a breast cancer survivor, put together a surprise package for me to help fight the blues. She gave me some wonderfully warm spa slippers (you can nuke them and they have some lavender sachets inside so they are not only warm but they smell heavenly), an absolutely gorgeous journal (just what the doctor ordered! LOL), and some heavenly hand lotion. It's all about soothing the senses. And it's especially nice when I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone and feel like I'm wrapped up in my coccoon. At least I smell good and feel comforted!
So, it's not all gloom and doom. I actually smile a lot more than I have been, and that feels good. I miss the Olympics. They had my full attention the whole time they were on. But it's time to start getting out of the house more. I do see Melissa and her kids as much as I can. I'm making plans with a couple of other people to get out and enjoy the world around us, too. We've stopped going out to eat. I'm cooking better than I have in ages and Hubz is such a happy camper when he comes home at night. It's part surprise and part him requesting certain things for supper. I've really been able to push through depression to go to the kitchen and stay there and create!
Next is my desire to find my desk again and begin creating something artistic again. Hubz broke the little oven I used to use for my polymer clay, but I'm trying to find someone who wants to get rid of an old oven so I won't have to buy one. I'm really ready to play with clay again. :)
I will be writing here again. Some will be public and some will be private. If I begin rambling about something or other, don't worry. I'm just trying to work stuff out. It's all good. :)
ciao for now!
Well, she's walking me through meditations that really seem to help and she said that the thing that triggered this latest bout with depression was, of course, breast cancer. I tried fighting through it, but my past trauma made things worse. So, now that I'm about to go for another mammogram, she's working with me to keep my 6 month anxiety to a workable level.
She was a big help in my life while Hubz went through his cardiac cath. He did very well, although I've never seen him so terrified. But beyond his genetic heart problem (which is a biggie in and of itself), there are no further problems. Thank you God.
She's given me a lot to work on this week, including s l o w l y beginning to change my sleep pattern. She wants to get me out of the darkness and into the light again. And I'm ready. So I've begun her process. And I have to do a lot of writing for her this week.
And out of the blue, Hubz's manager's sister, also a breast cancer survivor, put together a surprise package for me to help fight the blues. She gave me some wonderfully warm spa slippers (you can nuke them and they have some lavender sachets inside so they are not only warm but they smell heavenly), an absolutely gorgeous journal (just what the doctor ordered! LOL), and some heavenly hand lotion. It's all about soothing the senses. And it's especially nice when I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone and feel like I'm wrapped up in my coccoon. At least I smell good and feel comforted!
So, it's not all gloom and doom. I actually smile a lot more than I have been, and that feels good. I miss the Olympics. They had my full attention the whole time they were on. But it's time to start getting out of the house more. I do see Melissa and her kids as much as I can. I'm making plans with a couple of other people to get out and enjoy the world around us, too. We've stopped going out to eat. I'm cooking better than I have in ages and Hubz is such a happy camper when he comes home at night. It's part surprise and part him requesting certain things for supper. I've really been able to push through depression to go to the kitchen and stay there and create!
Next is my desire to find my desk again and begin creating something artistic again. Hubz broke the little oven I used to use for my polymer clay, but I'm trying to find someone who wants to get rid of an old oven so I won't have to buy one. I'm really ready to play with clay again. :)
I will be writing here again. Some will be public and some will be private. If I begin rambling about something or other, don't worry. I'm just trying to work stuff out. It's all good. :)
ciao for now!