I've never understood the impulse to say many of those things. Yes, I admit, I am guilty of the "let me know if I can help" one, less because of a chronic ailment in particular and more because that's just how I am, though I have been trying to tone it down. Or, as you say, help in specific ways--"here, I'll carry that" or the like.
But besides that one, I read that list and wonder what people who say those things are thinking. Anything involving treatment (the danger of drugs or recommendations or how much or exercise or so on), I'm just not qualified to speak on. Doubly so for "it's all in your head" and "but you look fine." How should I know the truth? I don't have the condition. And anything of the "it could be worse" nature is begging for a punch in the face, followed by "at least I didn't kick you in the stomach too!"
There's a variety of reasons people do the "I have/know someone who has it worse" & "You don't look sick"!
Some people think that makes you feel better (it rarely does). Others just aren't thinking (obviously). Others have a need to one-up on any complaint. Just as annoying, there are those who also have chronic issues who feel that if they've managed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, use their willpower, and don't complain, then you have no right to, either. You're just being wimpy by commenting or not doing something.
The "You don't look sick"... I've never had someone say that to me, per se. My boss, however, did comment to me that "At first I didn't believe what you were saying. I don't believe my wife when she complains about pain, either, and...". Really? You've known me for over 10 years. In all that time, how often do I exaggerate? Am I known for lying? Sure, fine, I won't tell you I'm upset at you (which he asked me not to do so he could be "candid"), but that lack of trust? That's the kick in the gut
( ... )
It occurred to me later that "you don't look sick" can be said wonderingly, not just skeptically (which is how I heard it in that first case). If wonderingly, it could be "I never would have guessed," which could be intended as a compliment (as in, "you hide it well" or perhaps "you manage to do a lot despite it, go you!"). Or, for that matter, apologetically, in the "sorry I didn't realize/account for it before now, I didn't know because you hide it so well" sense.
But besides that one, I read that list and wonder what people who say those things are thinking. Anything involving treatment (the danger of drugs or recommendations or how much or exercise or so on), I'm just not qualified to speak on. Doubly so for "it's all in your head" and "but you look fine." How should I know the truth? I don't have the condition. And anything of the "it could be worse" nature is begging for a punch in the face, followed by "at least I didn't kick you in the stomach too!"
What is wrong with these people?
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Some people think that makes you feel better (it rarely does). Others just aren't thinking (obviously). Others have a need to one-up on any complaint. Just as annoying, there are those who also have chronic issues who feel that if they've managed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, use their willpower, and don't complain, then you have no right to, either. You're just being wimpy by commenting or not doing something.
The "You don't look sick"... I've never had someone say that to me, per se. My boss, however, did comment to me that "At first I didn't believe what you were saying. I don't believe my wife when she complains about pain, either, and...". Really? You've known me for over 10 years. In all that time, how often do I exaggerate? Am I known for lying? Sure, fine, I won't tell you I'm upset at you (which he asked me not to do so he could be "candid"), but that lack of trust? That's the kick in the gut ( ... )
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It occurred to me later that "you don't look sick" can be said wonderingly, not just skeptically (which is how I heard it in that first case). If wonderingly, it could be "I never would have guessed," which could be intended as a compliment (as in, "you hide it well" or perhaps "you manage to do a lot despite it, go you!"). Or, for that matter, apologetically, in the "sorry I didn't realize/account for it before now, I didn't know because you hide it so well" sense.
Still and all, it seems just a dumb thing to say.
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