There's a variety of reasons people do the "I have/know someone who has it worse" & "You don't look sick"!
Some people think that makes you feel better (it rarely does). Others just aren't thinking (obviously). Others have a need to one-up on any complaint. Just as annoying, there are those who also have chronic issues who feel that if they've managed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, use their willpower, and don't complain, then you have no right to, either. You're just being wimpy by commenting or not doing something.
The "You don't look sick"... I've never had someone say that to me, per se. My boss, however, did comment to me that "At first I didn't believe what you were saying. I don't believe my wife when she complains about pain, either, and...". Really? You've known me for over 10 years. In all that time, how often do I exaggerate? Am I known for lying? Sure, fine, I won't tell you I'm upset at you (which he asked me not to do so he could be "candid"), but that lack of trust? That's the kick in the gut.
I know I don't look sick. I work very hard, every day, to look as healthy as possible. It's fine that others don't acknowledge that; I don't need them to. However, if I tell people who know me that I'm not doing well, I expect them to generally believe me and act accordingly. Not pretend, over about a year's time, to have believed me and then come out later with actual belief and a comment of how you didn't really believe before.
It occurred to me later that "you don't look sick" can be said wonderingly, not just skeptically (which is how I heard it in that first case). If wonderingly, it could be "I never would have guessed," which could be intended as a compliment (as in, "you hide it well" or perhaps "you manage to do a lot despite it, go you!"). Or, for that matter, apologetically, in the "sorry I didn't realize/account for it before now, I didn't know because you hide it so well" sense.
Some people think that makes you feel better (it rarely does). Others just aren't thinking (obviously). Others have a need to one-up on any complaint. Just as annoying, there are those who also have chronic issues who feel that if they've managed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, use their willpower, and don't complain, then you have no right to, either. You're just being wimpy by commenting or not doing something.
The "You don't look sick"... I've never had someone say that to me, per se. My boss, however, did comment to me that "At first I didn't believe what you were saying. I don't believe my wife when she complains about pain, either, and...". Really? You've known me for over 10 years. In all that time, how often do I exaggerate? Am I known for lying? Sure, fine, I won't tell you I'm upset at you (which he asked me not to do so he could be "candid"), but that lack of trust? That's the kick in the gut.
I know I don't look sick. I work very hard, every day, to look as healthy as possible. It's fine that others don't acknowledge that; I don't need them to. However, if I tell people who know me that I'm not doing well, I expect them to generally believe me and act accordingly. Not pretend, over about a year's time, to have believed me and then come out later with actual belief and a comment of how you didn't really believe before.
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It occurred to me later that "you don't look sick" can be said wonderingly, not just skeptically (which is how I heard it in that first case). If wonderingly, it could be "I never would have guessed," which could be intended as a compliment (as in, "you hide it well" or perhaps "you manage to do a lot despite it, go you!"). Or, for that matter, apologetically, in the "sorry I didn't realize/account for it before now, I didn't know because you hide it so well" sense.
Still and all, it seems just a dumb thing to say.
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