As I age...
As I age...
Current mood: contemplative
As I get older I feel like I'm finally coming into my own. I have done and said so many things that I would never do 2 years ago, so why do I still feel like I need approval and acceptance from the masses? I think I'm pretty open minded for such a small town chick, I'm sure all the breaks in LA and the time spent with Rachie had something to do with that, but my openmindedness seems to be my downfall in this godforsaken town, considering the majority of Hermiston is made up of hicks in their F-150's and wranglers, I 'm sort of the odd girl out. I'm deemed as the disease with my black eyeliner and "devil" (their words not mine) music, i'm the girl who mothers pull their children close as I pass, I'm the unsavory, undeserving, just because I don't follow the mainstream, just because I don't believe the filth that your church is implanting in your children, because I know enough to question? Well sorry to say, thats bullshit, you don't like me because I don't fit the stereotypical blonde hair, blue eyed, squeaky clean girl next door image, fine, but because I don't fit into your preconcievds notion of what is deemed acceptable you'll never find out the true me, if you talked to me with an openmind and looked beyond the exterior you would see that I'm a pretty OK girl. So you would think that my family would accept me completely, differences and all, well unfortunetly you'd be incorrect, my uncles (who are extremely conservative), who are more like fathers to me just sort of chalk it up to, well now that shes in college shes turned into a liberal (which is a four letter word in their minds) and don't even bother to listen to my points, they acquate gay marriage with beastiality and view the war as inevidable and a step in the right direction not to mention agree wholeheartedly with every word that comes out of George W. Bush's mouth. My mother tries to coerce me to attend church with her and the little sisters, in hopes that "Jesus will open my eyes to my sinning ways" we'll be nice and just say that I polietly decline. My older sister who I thought would back me up in everything I ever did, has recently found religion and is a newly baptized Mormon, who, on a consistant basis, refers to me as the devil, the spawn of satan, and reminds me that I'm going to hell. If I'm going to "hell" because I refuse to just accept what is being spoon fed to me and because of my taste in music, then hell is gonna be extremely crowded, because I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I love that I grew out of my high school shy, I believe everything you say because you said it, shell, I love who I am and what I stand for, yet I wish I was more accepted and had someone who shared the same ideas, I've lost pretty much all of my friends except for the ones who no longer live in the area, Drew and Nate are like my brothers but they live 6 hours away so that lives me pretty SOL. Do friends even matter though, I mean in the grand scheme of things, who really cares if you have 100 friends or none at all, why is that considered a gauge of your worth. Anyways, this whole blog has ended up complete different from what I intended, oh well, I'll post it anyway.
Current mood: contemplative
As I get older I feel like I'm finally coming into my own. I have done and said so many things that I would never do 2 years ago, so why do I still feel like I need approval and acceptance from the masses? I think I'm pretty open minded for such a small town chick, I'm sure all the breaks in LA and the time spent with Rachie had something to do with that, but my openmindedness seems to be my downfall in this godforsaken town, considering the majority of Hermiston is made up of hicks in their F-150's and wranglers, I 'm sort of the odd girl out. I'm deemed as the disease with my black eyeliner and "devil" (their words not mine) music, i'm the girl who mothers pull their children close as I pass, I'm the unsavory, undeserving, just because I don't follow the mainstream, just because I don't believe the filth that your church is implanting in your children, because I know enough to question? Well sorry to say, thats bullshit, you don't like me because I don't fit the stereotypical blonde hair, blue eyed, squeaky clean girl next door image, fine, but because I don't fit into your preconcievds notion of what is deemed acceptable you'll never find out the true me, if you talked to me with an openmind and looked beyond the exterior you would see that I'm a pretty OK girl. So you would think that my family would accept me completely, differences and all, well unfortunetly you'd be incorrect, my uncles (who are extremely conservative), who are more like fathers to me just sort of chalk it up to, well now that shes in college shes turned into a liberal (which is a four letter word in their minds) and don't even bother to listen to my points, they acquate gay marriage with beastiality and view the war as inevidable and a step in the right direction not to mention agree wholeheartedly with every word that comes out of George W. Bush's mouth. My mother tries to coerce me to attend church with her and the little sisters, in hopes that "Jesus will open my eyes to my sinning ways" we'll be nice and just say that I polietly decline. My older sister who I thought would back me up in everything I ever did, has recently found religion and is a newly baptized Mormon, who, on a consistant basis, refers to me as the devil, the spawn of satan, and reminds me that I'm going to hell. If I'm going to "hell" because I refuse to just accept what is being spoon fed to me and because of my taste in music, then hell is gonna be extremely crowded, because I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I love that I grew out of my high school shy, I believe everything you say because you said it, shell, I love who I am and what I stand for, yet I wish I was more accepted and had someone who shared the same ideas, I've lost pretty much all of my friends except for the ones who no longer live in the area, Drew and Nate are like my brothers but they live 6 hours away so that lives me pretty SOL. Do friends even matter though, I mean in the grand scheme of things, who really cares if you have 100 friends or none at all, why is that considered a gauge of your worth. Anyways, this whole blog has ended up complete different from what I intended, oh well, I'll post it anyway.