get out of here
i wish i was able to know a lot of the people i admire. writers, comedians, etc etc. like, you feel like you know the person so well because what they are writing and describing is so intimate and blah, blogs and shit, books, memoirs, stand-up, you know? youtube, instagram, all of it. but you really don't know them and it's actually kind of perverted and weird. it's the weirdest fucking thing/feeling. i know i'm more effected by the feeling currently because i'm PMSing and because i'm bored as shit and haven't been doing my own thang lately which is lame and my fault and something i can change but. i am so so so so so endlessly happy that i'm not going to be going to VC SO SOON. now of course i am wishing i applied to schools that are farther away but it's really too late for regret at this point... at least it's a start to something.
i've already mentioned this but it is really tripping me out that i will be 25 soon. a few more months but that's soon. i feel like it's sort of a reality check on my life because although i know 25 is not old to me it feels like it's really old and i think when i was younger when i thought of the future and what 25 will hold for me i expected so much more than what i've got going on right now. and mostly this is career/goal/dream wise i'm talking about. everything else i feel okay about. like, my boyfriend is real sweet and my apartment is real sweet, my friends are real sweet and i know those are things i cared about and wanted when i was 17 but now i feel like i want more. more more more more more is more.
i think there are two different breeds of people where some are so driven and excited, fearless and willing, ready and pretty much everything that i'm not. then there are the second breed of people- like me. comfort bugs, fearful, afraid of failing, full of excuses, afraid in general, unsure, clueless, and have no idea. how do you become the first type? i wish i could interview everyone who i admire and cyber stalk and look up to so i could just pick their brains. i think i wish my peers were more inspired and goal-oriented. i just feel so blah and sub-par lately. i don't even know where to begin. i guess just finishing school is a good first step. really though the internet has been depressing me and i think i want to delete my fucking facebook. i need more stimulation and less uh, jealousy? looking back i really do wish i could have done a few things differently but obv i can't change that at this point. move forward
i've already mentioned this but it is really tripping me out that i will be 25 soon. a few more months but that's soon. i feel like it's sort of a reality check on my life because although i know 25 is not old to me it feels like it's really old and i think when i was younger when i thought of the future and what 25 will hold for me i expected so much more than what i've got going on right now. and mostly this is career/goal/dream wise i'm talking about. everything else i feel okay about. like, my boyfriend is real sweet and my apartment is real sweet, my friends are real sweet and i know those are things i cared about and wanted when i was 17 but now i feel like i want more. more more more more more is more.
i think there are two different breeds of people where some are so driven and excited, fearless and willing, ready and pretty much everything that i'm not. then there are the second breed of people- like me. comfort bugs, fearful, afraid of failing, full of excuses, afraid in general, unsure, clueless, and have no idea. how do you become the first type? i wish i could interview everyone who i admire and cyber stalk and look up to so i could just pick their brains. i think i wish my peers were more inspired and goal-oriented. i just feel so blah and sub-par lately. i don't even know where to begin. i guess just finishing school is a good first step. really though the internet has been depressing me and i think i want to delete my fucking facebook. i need more stimulation and less uh, jealousy? looking back i really do wish i could have done a few things differently but obv i can't change that at this point. move forward