Pointless rambling about my life
I'm going to try updating this more often. I don't think I'll like it..but we'll see.
I've been thinking a lot about NYU. Charley Shafor and Edwin have been here this weekend, and hif there is anyone in my life who makes me question everything (in a good way), it's Charley Shafor. My reasons for staying at NYU are all wrong. They are: my friends here who I don't want to lose and know I will lose if I leave, the beautiful city which I never EVER want to move away from in my whole entire life, and my fear that if i transfer somewhere else I won't be able to make any friends. Maybe my most important fear is that I just won't be happy anywhere. Maybe I'm just one of those people; those eternally unhappy people.
I hate NYU's vastness...I hate the coldness, the blindness and selfishness that translates from the city streets into the classrooms. In New York, you cling to your anonynimity, your independence, and you train yourself to ignore everything in your path. You walk the streets paying no attention to the people around you, pushing your way through those that wander by you. In New York, no matter who you are, the city is your own. There are millions of people here, but nothing is ever about them. It's all about you.
My school is the same way. People are just a continuation of the city in which they live. Faculty, administration, students...it is the least caring place I've ever been. When I'm here I don't feel like I'm a part of anything but myself. In a way, that's good for me. I've always been too dependent, too needy, to reliant on other people. I've learned how to be more independent, more selfish, more cold. I've let the city mold me.
I think I'm too young for that. NYU should be a comfortable place; a place to find warmth in this eternally frigid city. It should be a home. It should be home.nyu.edu. I am too young, too sheltered, too Wilmington Delaware to be without a home. Blaming it on age is cheap. That's not what it is. Maybe I'm too emotionally young...maybe I'm too insecure, too needy, to childish or childlike...I don't know what it is.
If you go back and read this, it looks like I hate the city.
The city is the love of my life.
Maybe I'm just not ready for it yet?
Sometimes I feel myself being sucked dry by this city, and other times I feel infused with its culture, its beauty, its diversity, its brilliance.
I've been thinking a lot about NYU. Charley Shafor and Edwin have been here this weekend, and hif there is anyone in my life who makes me question everything (in a good way), it's Charley Shafor. My reasons for staying at NYU are all wrong. They are: my friends here who I don't want to lose and know I will lose if I leave, the beautiful city which I never EVER want to move away from in my whole entire life, and my fear that if i transfer somewhere else I won't be able to make any friends. Maybe my most important fear is that I just won't be happy anywhere. Maybe I'm just one of those people; those eternally unhappy people.
I hate NYU's vastness...I hate the coldness, the blindness and selfishness that translates from the city streets into the classrooms. In New York, you cling to your anonynimity, your independence, and you train yourself to ignore everything in your path. You walk the streets paying no attention to the people around you, pushing your way through those that wander by you. In New York, no matter who you are, the city is your own. There are millions of people here, but nothing is ever about them. It's all about you.
My school is the same way. People are just a continuation of the city in which they live. Faculty, administration, students...it is the least caring place I've ever been. When I'm here I don't feel like I'm a part of anything but myself. In a way, that's good for me. I've always been too dependent, too needy, to reliant on other people. I've learned how to be more independent, more selfish, more cold. I've let the city mold me.
I think I'm too young for that. NYU should be a comfortable place; a place to find warmth in this eternally frigid city. It should be a home. It should be home.nyu.edu. I am too young, too sheltered, too Wilmington Delaware to be without a home. Blaming it on age is cheap. That's not what it is. Maybe I'm too emotionally young...maybe I'm too insecure, too needy, to childish or childlike...I don't know what it is.
If you go back and read this, it looks like I hate the city.
The city is the love of my life.
Maybe I'm just not ready for it yet?
Sometimes I feel myself being sucked dry by this city, and other times I feel infused with its culture, its beauty, its diversity, its brilliance.