(no subject)
I never update this thing.
Today is no different-
This isn't a real update-don't you judge me for it. I feel like people expect livejournals and xangas and such to be works of art. I guess some people's are. Somehow everyone else's feelings are much more beautiful than mine.
I'm home and it's perfect..everything is just how I left it, everyone is glorious, everything is fun
But if I stop and I look at it too hard-
It's easy to say that everyone else has changed
but they're all doing the same stuff they always were
Different playing fields, but the same games
It's me.
I've grown up, and I should like it. I should more than like it- I should embrace it and devote myself to it and love my new life...but the truth be told, I want the old shit back. I want it back.
I don't want to leave them behind.
I'm always so afraid of being phased out and left behind, but the truth is I always wait for people to walk away from me. I'm scared to pick myself up and move on. I'm obsessed with straddling past and present, but it's so exhausting.
It's hard to sit at lunch and pretend like everything's the same as it always was...to reminisce and pretend that we're the same people we were back then...I'll never be the same. But at the same time, when I'm with them, when I'm living in this house, when I drive around this town...I revert to my former self. And it's not that I liked myself in D.Ware that much....I really didn't AT ALL. It was just easier, I think. I think it was simpler then.
I'm sure I'll look back on this period in my life and think "it was simpler then."
I don't know.
I'm not happy, but I'm more like me.
I think.
Today is no different-
This isn't a real update-don't you judge me for it. I feel like people expect livejournals and xangas and such to be works of art. I guess some people's are. Somehow everyone else's feelings are much more beautiful than mine.
I'm home and it's perfect..everything is just how I left it, everyone is glorious, everything is fun
But if I stop and I look at it too hard-
It's easy to say that everyone else has changed
but they're all doing the same stuff they always were
Different playing fields, but the same games
It's me.
I've grown up, and I should like it. I should more than like it- I should embrace it and devote myself to it and love my new life...but the truth be told, I want the old shit back. I want it back.
I don't want to leave them behind.
I'm always so afraid of being phased out and left behind, but the truth is I always wait for people to walk away from me. I'm scared to pick myself up and move on. I'm obsessed with straddling past and present, but it's so exhausting.
It's hard to sit at lunch and pretend like everything's the same as it always was...to reminisce and pretend that we're the same people we were back then...I'll never be the same. But at the same time, when I'm with them, when I'm living in this house, when I drive around this town...I revert to my former self. And it's not that I liked myself in D.Ware that much....I really didn't AT ALL. It was just easier, I think. I think it was simpler then.
I'm sure I'll look back on this period in my life and think "it was simpler then."
I don't know.
I'm not happy, but I'm more like me.
I think.