Girl-on-girl matrimony in Toronto
The wedding was so nice. Really, it was. Danielle was a beautiful vision in white, her dress sleek and space-age. Tanya went butch all the way and looked the prettiest she ever has: tuxedo, tie, vest and yarmulke, looking like a pretty Yentl. And we were a damn good-looking wedding party, too.
The ceremony was at the Old Mill Inn and Spa in Toronto, this really pretty English countryhouse-style place with a brook, courtyards, chapels, etc. There were at least three other weddings going on that day at the place, but you barely noticed. (Whenever we'd run into another bridal party, I'd say “Be cool, be cool, don't want no trouble” as if we're rival gangs.) We had great weather for the outdoor courtyard where the ceremony was held.
The reverend was this tiny old man who looked like Jiminy Cricket, and spoke with this overpowering elocution of excitement, calling the groom and bride as TAN-yahhh and Dan-YELL. He had tons of gestures and moves as he spoke, and he described the ketubah, a Jewish wedding contract, so well that I want one at my own wedding! I was like, “Where do I sign? Can I drive this off the lot?” Again and again he emphasized that this was a legal, valid wedding in a way that was solidly reaffirming to a gay wedding's crowd.
There weren't a ton of tears, which was remarkable for a wedding of two women. Danielle held it together pretty well, and laughed when she had to promise “before God.” Tanya was quivering aplenty when she said her vows. The bridesmaids were choking back tears the whole time. Joe, one of the groomsmen, and I kept exchanging looks and smiling. They kissed! Tanya crushed the glass! We yelled "Mazel tov!" I looked at bridesmaid Maria and pumped my fists.
The reception was nice. We had the cocktail hour with everyone but the bride and groom there, and then the entire wedding party was reintroduced. The food was great, especially the giant cake Danielle and Tanya made themselves. T&D had their first dance to “Love Divine” by Seal (good choice), Tanya sang a song with a groomsman on guitar, her uncle from Hawaii played a song he wrote for them.
We danced the hora, folks. Yes. Tons of people running around in a circle, running into the center and out again, then the women and then the men. It was pandemonium 2004, y'all! It was crazy as hell! And then we lifted Tanya and Danielle on the chairs. But in the rush of it, we down a guy on Danielle's chair, so I had to hold up the front legs until a fourth guy got in there. Danielle was TERRIFIED. Nope, no “America's Funniest Home Videos” clip of a failed chair raising for us!
The speeches were good as well, and I hate wedding speeches. Bridesmaid Erica's speech was very sweet and short; groomsman Greg's was long but very funny about how Tanya was his baby-sitter. But the best was from Tanya's dad going into a Henny Youngman routine of a speech, explaining his naches (that's Yiddish for pride) for Tanya, joking about how all parents want their kids to marry a doctor (Danielle's got a Ph.D.), and that “I'm not losing a daughter. I'm gaining another one.” That kind of joy and affirmation of these two women marrying each other was reiterated by Tanya and Danielle when they spoke, and how they assembled us all the way in Toronto because we're so special to them and the how we've supported their relationship.
Yup, that's the key right there. My friend's married. And to a woman! Still can't process it yet, not when in high school I was the third wheel to her and her boyfriend, my high school best friend Nick, and she talked to me more than she did with him. Not when we used to spend idle time talking about nothing with her on my lap. Not when 11 years ago I talked her through when Nick broke up with her, or when she bought me “Powerpuff Girls” Christmas lights (worst gift ever - first thing I said was “What the hell am I going to do with these?”), or when we did Dracula's Ball together with the boyfriend she had while breaking up with the other boyfriend. Or when our lives drifted apart to that twice-a-year phone call, and then bam! she's dating a woman.
And after all the reconnecting, after finding out how awesome Tanya is and being heartily welcomed into their world, after the engagement, after all the months and planning, here I was with the bridesmaids and groom's party, standing witness to our two friends uniting. Just, wow. And now Rosemary finally got to meet everyone and take her place in our little world.
Right before the ceremony, I took Danielle by the arm and said, “I love you, and I'm proud of you.” As we held on to each other then, and I could feel every moment we've had together flow through me. This is my beautiful friend, and after it took so long for us to reconnect, it took nothing at all for us to welcome each other into the lives each of us have made. It's bittersweet, in a way, since I feel like I got my friend back only to watch a new line of separation be made. But it's a momentary feeling, since instead I've gained a new friend in Tanya and the times Danielle and I have alone are all the more special. When we went out the night before her bridal shower, she said it's the little moments like this that we'll really remember.
It's true. So true that I enthusiastically agreed to be in a wedding when I hate weddings, withstood silly girl games at the bridal shower, and did a pimp walk down the aisle with two women - all because of love. I love my friend Danielle, and I'm proud of her.