At least I looked the part
As you can see by this photo, I was set up.
There is no way to walk in a place with a woman on each arm and not look like a pimp. There's no way in hell.
Tanya's mom said, as we were taking photos before the ceremony, that it must be pretty cool to be the one man among the women. I replied that it's not as cool as you think because if you don't finesse it right, the girls start to think you're one of them. Here, I didn't run into that problem.
It was enough that I was the lone man among the bridesmaids. Then at the rehearsal Danielle tells me that because the bride and groom's parties were uneven, I would escort in the last two women from both parties. Ooooh, two women. At this everyone snickered, and Danielle acted like she just handed me the keys to Shangri-La. It wasn't as if we were hopping into a champagne glass-shaped tub afterward.
Or maybe this was payback for withstanding the bridal shower?
Inevitably, this meant I'd be taking the lead on how we all walk. I'm the center and the pivot, I'm the tallest and have the widest stride. Plus I'm in flat shoes. They told us all to begin walking on the right foot (so that the marriage starts off on the right foot - ba-dump-bump), and bridesmaid Maria is freaking out because after years of marching band she always starts on the left. Jen, the tall groomsmaid on my right arm, is only hoping that she doesn't trip and fall down the stairs they've got us lined up on to enter the wedding courtyard. I say I'll cue us all to step on the right foot, and direct us safely.
The pairs begin moving, so we follow. "And right foot, down, and hold ... and right foot, down, and hold." The stairs were cleared. And now it's our turn. We fix our faces, and in we go.
I try not to look at the crowd. I see our spots straight ahead, try my best to look like a regal escort and not trip. But there's no way I can't think of what they're seeing, and Rosemary's photos of my procession and recession have funny background characters:
It's amusing. At least I looked the part!