Challenge #118 fic: Growing Old Together. PG. John/Rodney.
Title: Growing Old Together
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: PG
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) None of the standard warnings apply
Spoilers: through season 5
Word count: 1914
Summary: Rodney knows that breaking up with Jennifer was the right thing to do, but he's still not happy.
Note: Also available at AO3.
Growing Old Together
Rodney tried to tell himself that this was for the best. Their relationship had been going well, and he'd been happy with Jennifer, but being back on Earth had taken its toll.
With the long work days on Atlantis, they were so happy to find some time for each other that they'd never really noticed that they didn't have all that many shared interests. It wasn't that he absolutely hated going out to a club with Jennifer or going to a game of whatever the team that she was a fan of was called. He just didn't care at all about those things, and doing them with Jennifer only went so far in making it worth his while.
After thinking that he couldn't wish for a better match than Jennifer, two weeks of vacation with her made both of them realize that while their relationship worked great for them on Atlantis, neither of them was looking forward to growing old together.
So they'd decided to be friends instead to give both of them the opportunity to find someone who'd be a match not just on Atlantis but also on Earth free of their usual responsibilities.
It had been a mutual decision, and Rodney knew that it had been the right one, but he still couldn't help that nagging feeling that he'd given up more than he'd thought.
It was Sheppard who finally made him realize why he wasn't happy with how-or that-things had ended with Jennifer.
"Let's play some chess. I can't even remember when we last played," Sheppard said.
"Don't be ridiculous. It was..." Rodney trailed off, realizing that he couldn't recall it.
"Exactly," John said.
"Well, excuse me that I tend to be busy saving our collective lives," Rodney said defensively.
"Is that what you were doing in Paris?" John said under his breath. Louder he added, "Well, you're not busy saving our lives right now, are you?"
"I was on vacation, well deserved I might add," Rodney said.
"Yes, I know, but that's over, and now you're finally..." Sheppard trailed off.
"Finally what?" Rodney asked.
"Free again," John said, his gaze not quite on Rodney. "Do you want to play chess or not?"
"'Free again'? You make it sound like a hostage situation," Rodney said.
"I'm just saying you were busy saving our lives and with your girlfriend. And now you're not," John said.
"You think I should be happy she left?" Rodney said, getting really annoyed.
"'She left'?" John repeated. "You said it was a mutual break-up. The most amicable split in the history of splits."
"It was! Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it," Rodney said.
"Well, it's obvious you're not," John said. "I'm sorry. I didn't know...well, you made it sound like you guys...honestly, I..."
Rodney didn't think he could listen to John's stumbled words for a lot longer, but he didn't really know what to say either.
They stood in silence like that for a long moment, until John said, "I guess I'll just leave."
"John, wait," Rodney stopped him.
"Look, I'm sorry. I know that a breakup isn't easy even if you know it's the right thing to do," John said, looking at the floor.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you," Rodney admitted.
That made John look up. "You yell at everyone all the time."
"That's because they all deserve it," Rodney said. "But you didn't. Well, at least not just now. You're right. I told you that it wasn't a big deal, and I shouldn't act..."
"As if it were? Even if it feels that way?" John guessed.
"I don't even miss...being with her," Rodney said.
"But you miss being with someone," John added.
"I...no, I'm not that kind of guy. I was single for long stretches of my life and was fine with it. I'm fine with it now! Just..." Rodney trailed off. He was fine with it. He didn't cry himself to sleep because he was so lonely. Hell, part of him was glad that he had a bit more time now for personal projects and yes, things like playing chess with John.
"You don't want to be alone forever," John said quietly.
Rodney looked at him, and the way John had said it sounded like he was talking from experience. Which was surprising to Rodney. He'd long since come to the conclusion that John wasn't interested in a relationship, much less a long-term one. In all the years that he'd known him, he hadn't seen John even attempt anything that might resemble dating. "You feel alone?" Rodney asked.
John frowned. "I thought we were talking about you. I was just speculating."
"It sounded like..." Rodney didn't finish the sentence. If John didn't want to talk about, there was no point. Instead he tried to consider John's words. Was he afraid of being alone forever? Rodney wasn't a people person, but as much as he was annoyed by others at times, he enjoyed spending time with the precious few that he called friends.
There was something about engaging with people, not because of work but for no purpose other than sharing a bit of his life with them. And a relationship made this more... He didn't really know. It wasn't as if being in a relationship forced you to spent time together. Some couples didn't. And besides, that wasn't supposed to be the reason for being together. Rodney thought about growing old together. The idea that someone would be there even decades from now, that was what he missed.
"It would be nice to grow old together with someone," Rodney said.
John looked at him, not saying anything. He eventually dropped his gaze, and Rodney thought that whatever protests to the contrary, they weren't just talking about Rodney. John felt the same even if he'd never appeared willing to do anything about it.
"I guess we just have to keep trying," Rodney said. "Or in your case starting." He didn't really expect an answer from John.
But John did look up at him, fixing him with an intense gaze, before looking away again.
"It's not so bad really," Rodney tried. "The worst thing that can happen is you break up and are alone again. Well, okay, it could be a bad break-up with the ex from hell who goes all psycho on you, but barring that rare case-"
"Rodney," John stopped him.
"Yes?" Rodney said.
"I..." John started, but stopped. Eventually he looked at the ceiling and laughed. "This is so screwed up," he mumbled.
"That prime specimen of men like us can't find someone who'd stick with us for the foreseeable future?" Rodney asked.
"You said it was mutual," John reminded him-again.
"Then people who we would stick with for the foreseeable future," Rodney corrected himself. "Where are the women-and men-lined up to get a chance with us?"
"Men?" John asked quietly.
"Well, I don't presume to know what you'd be looking for in a relationship. I know you were married, and I tend to think of a wife if I do think that far ahead, though that might just be social convention. I've never really had what I would consider a long-term relationship with a guy, but it doesn't mean it can't happen," Rodney said.
"How did you know I wasn't straight?" John asked.
"I, uh...honestly, I just always figured. And I could have sworn that you let yourself be picked up by a guy on one of our missions," Rodney said. "I didn't imagine that, did I?"
"Well, I...I tried to be inconspicuous about it, but it's happened a few times over the years. I never thought anyone had noticed," John said.
"Is this why you haven't been in a relationship? Because you prefer guys but couldn't be with them openly?" Rodney asked.
"I can for a while now," John pointed out.
"Yes, but we're stuck in limbo here on Earth. We don't know when and who will return, so I can see not wanting to start a relationship right now," Rodney said.
John hesitated for a moment. "It's not really that."
"You're right. It isn't for me either," Rodney said. "I mean if I really hit it off with someone, I could stay on Earth."
John's eyes widened.
"I'm not saying I will," Rodney said. "In fact, I definitely plan to return to Pegasus with Atlantis."
"But if you found someone..." John said.
"I was just saying our current situation is a shitty excuse for moping about our future," Rodney said.
"'Moping'?" John asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Come on. You have to admit this is something of a pity party here, and I honestly don't know why. We should be heading out," Rodney said.
"Wanna play chess or drink beer on the peer?" John asked, sounding strangely intense considering his rather tame proposition.
"I was thinking more along the lines of..." Rodney trailed off, trying to catch up with the course of the conversation. "You're asking me out?"
John opened his mouth, but didn't say anything.
"That's not a no," Rodney pointed out.
"I... Rodney, you know...me," John managed to say, though that didn't really clear things up for Rodney.
"I do know you, better than most, I would say, though that's not an accomplishment," Rodney said. "I'm sorry, I have to admit my brain probably hasn't processed yet that you...are interested in me?"
John made a face and looked away.
"You really hate this, don't you? How did you manage to date your wife long enough that you got engaged?" Rodney asked, genuinely curious.
"She never waited for me to make the next move," John said.
Rodney's eyes widened. "Is that what... You were waiting for me to make the next move? I was supposed to..."
"No!" John quickly said. "I didn't think- I didn't know you'd even..."
"But you want to go out with me now?" Rodney stepped in.
"If you wa-" John began, but Rodney interrupted him.
"That wasn't what I asked. Do you want to go out with me?" Rodney asked.
John swallowed. "Yes."
"Was that so hard?" Rodney asked.
"Yes," John said.
Rodney snorted. Getting John to reveal what he wanted was going to be a challenge. And it probably wouldn't be the only one. During all the years of friendship, he'd never really considered this. Which seemed stupid in hindsight, because it wasn't as if Rodney hadn't recognized how attractive John was. He'd just never thought that John would be interested in a relationship period, let alone something with Rodney who wasn't exactly easy to be with if his ex-girlfriends had anything to say about it. Which they hadn't fortunately. "So we're trying this?" Rodney asked.
"Yes," John confirmed.
"And if it happens to work out..." Rodney began.
"I can't promise that I'll grow old, but if I do and you happen to do too, we could...you know, do it together," John said.
Which was practically a wedding vow coming from John Sheppard. Rodney was kind of speechless.
"Rodney?" John asked eventually.
Rodney broke into a wide smile. He started feeling all kinds of good in the general area of his chest and stomach.
John smiled shyly at him.
"I can't wait for our first kiss," Rodney said apropos of nothing, making John flush. And actually it wasn't true. He was looking forward to waiting just a bit more. "Where's your beer?"
John grinned.
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: PG
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) None of the standard warnings apply
Spoilers: through season 5
Word count: 1914
Summary: Rodney knows that breaking up with Jennifer was the right thing to do, but he's still not happy.
Note: Also available at AO3.
Growing Old Together
Rodney tried to tell himself that this was for the best. Their relationship had been going well, and he'd been happy with Jennifer, but being back on Earth had taken its toll.
With the long work days on Atlantis, they were so happy to find some time for each other that they'd never really noticed that they didn't have all that many shared interests. It wasn't that he absolutely hated going out to a club with Jennifer or going to a game of whatever the team that she was a fan of was called. He just didn't care at all about those things, and doing them with Jennifer only went so far in making it worth his while.
After thinking that he couldn't wish for a better match than Jennifer, two weeks of vacation with her made both of them realize that while their relationship worked great for them on Atlantis, neither of them was looking forward to growing old together.
So they'd decided to be friends instead to give both of them the opportunity to find someone who'd be a match not just on Atlantis but also on Earth free of their usual responsibilities.
It had been a mutual decision, and Rodney knew that it had been the right one, but he still couldn't help that nagging feeling that he'd given up more than he'd thought.
It was Sheppard who finally made him realize why he wasn't happy with how-or that-things had ended with Jennifer.
"Let's play some chess. I can't even remember when we last played," Sheppard said.
"Don't be ridiculous. It was..." Rodney trailed off, realizing that he couldn't recall it.
"Exactly," John said.
"Well, excuse me that I tend to be busy saving our collective lives," Rodney said defensively.
"Is that what you were doing in Paris?" John said under his breath. Louder he added, "Well, you're not busy saving our lives right now, are you?"
"I was on vacation, well deserved I might add," Rodney said.
"Yes, I know, but that's over, and now you're finally..." Sheppard trailed off.
"Finally what?" Rodney asked.
"Free again," John said, his gaze not quite on Rodney. "Do you want to play chess or not?"
"'Free again'? You make it sound like a hostage situation," Rodney said.
"I'm just saying you were busy saving our lives and with your girlfriend. And now you're not," John said.
"You think I should be happy she left?" Rodney said, getting really annoyed.
"'She left'?" John repeated. "You said it was a mutual break-up. The most amicable split in the history of splits."
"It was! Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it," Rodney said.
"Well, it's obvious you're not," John said. "I'm sorry. I didn't know...well, you made it sound like you guys...honestly, I..."
Rodney didn't think he could listen to John's stumbled words for a lot longer, but he didn't really know what to say either.
They stood in silence like that for a long moment, until John said, "I guess I'll just leave."
"John, wait," Rodney stopped him.
"Look, I'm sorry. I know that a breakup isn't easy even if you know it's the right thing to do," John said, looking at the floor.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you," Rodney admitted.
That made John look up. "You yell at everyone all the time."
"That's because they all deserve it," Rodney said. "But you didn't. Well, at least not just now. You're right. I told you that it wasn't a big deal, and I shouldn't act..."
"As if it were? Even if it feels that way?" John guessed.
"I don't even miss...being with her," Rodney said.
"But you miss being with someone," John added.
"I...no, I'm not that kind of guy. I was single for long stretches of my life and was fine with it. I'm fine with it now! Just..." Rodney trailed off. He was fine with it. He didn't cry himself to sleep because he was so lonely. Hell, part of him was glad that he had a bit more time now for personal projects and yes, things like playing chess with John.
"You don't want to be alone forever," John said quietly.
Rodney looked at him, and the way John had said it sounded like he was talking from experience. Which was surprising to Rodney. He'd long since come to the conclusion that John wasn't interested in a relationship, much less a long-term one. In all the years that he'd known him, he hadn't seen John even attempt anything that might resemble dating. "You feel alone?" Rodney asked.
John frowned. "I thought we were talking about you. I was just speculating."
"It sounded like..." Rodney didn't finish the sentence. If John didn't want to talk about, there was no point. Instead he tried to consider John's words. Was he afraid of being alone forever? Rodney wasn't a people person, but as much as he was annoyed by others at times, he enjoyed spending time with the precious few that he called friends.
There was something about engaging with people, not because of work but for no purpose other than sharing a bit of his life with them. And a relationship made this more... He didn't really know. It wasn't as if being in a relationship forced you to spent time together. Some couples didn't. And besides, that wasn't supposed to be the reason for being together. Rodney thought about growing old together. The idea that someone would be there even decades from now, that was what he missed.
"It would be nice to grow old together with someone," Rodney said.
John looked at him, not saying anything. He eventually dropped his gaze, and Rodney thought that whatever protests to the contrary, they weren't just talking about Rodney. John felt the same even if he'd never appeared willing to do anything about it.
"I guess we just have to keep trying," Rodney said. "Or in your case starting." He didn't really expect an answer from John.
But John did look up at him, fixing him with an intense gaze, before looking away again.
"It's not so bad really," Rodney tried. "The worst thing that can happen is you break up and are alone again. Well, okay, it could be a bad break-up with the ex from hell who goes all psycho on you, but barring that rare case-"
"Rodney," John stopped him.
"Yes?" Rodney said.
"I..." John started, but stopped. Eventually he looked at the ceiling and laughed. "This is so screwed up," he mumbled.
"That prime specimen of men like us can't find someone who'd stick with us for the foreseeable future?" Rodney asked.
"You said it was mutual," John reminded him-again.
"Then people who we would stick with for the foreseeable future," Rodney corrected himself. "Where are the women-and men-lined up to get a chance with us?"
"Men?" John asked quietly.
"Well, I don't presume to know what you'd be looking for in a relationship. I know you were married, and I tend to think of a wife if I do think that far ahead, though that might just be social convention. I've never really had what I would consider a long-term relationship with a guy, but it doesn't mean it can't happen," Rodney said.
"How did you know I wasn't straight?" John asked.
"I, uh...honestly, I just always figured. And I could have sworn that you let yourself be picked up by a guy on one of our missions," Rodney said. "I didn't imagine that, did I?"
"Well, I...I tried to be inconspicuous about it, but it's happened a few times over the years. I never thought anyone had noticed," John said.
"Is this why you haven't been in a relationship? Because you prefer guys but couldn't be with them openly?" Rodney asked.
"I can for a while now," John pointed out.
"Yes, but we're stuck in limbo here on Earth. We don't know when and who will return, so I can see not wanting to start a relationship right now," Rodney said.
John hesitated for a moment. "It's not really that."
"You're right. It isn't for me either," Rodney said. "I mean if I really hit it off with someone, I could stay on Earth."
John's eyes widened.
"I'm not saying I will," Rodney said. "In fact, I definitely plan to return to Pegasus with Atlantis."
"But if you found someone..." John said.
"I was just saying our current situation is a shitty excuse for moping about our future," Rodney said.
"'Moping'?" John asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Come on. You have to admit this is something of a pity party here, and I honestly don't know why. We should be heading out," Rodney said.
"Wanna play chess or drink beer on the peer?" John asked, sounding strangely intense considering his rather tame proposition.
"I was thinking more along the lines of..." Rodney trailed off, trying to catch up with the course of the conversation. "You're asking me out?"
John opened his mouth, but didn't say anything.
"That's not a no," Rodney pointed out.
"I... Rodney, you know...me," John managed to say, though that didn't really clear things up for Rodney.
"I do know you, better than most, I would say, though that's not an accomplishment," Rodney said. "I'm sorry, I have to admit my brain probably hasn't processed yet that you...are interested in me?"
John made a face and looked away.
"You really hate this, don't you? How did you manage to date your wife long enough that you got engaged?" Rodney asked, genuinely curious.
"She never waited for me to make the next move," John said.
Rodney's eyes widened. "Is that what... You were waiting for me to make the next move? I was supposed to..."
"No!" John quickly said. "I didn't think- I didn't know you'd even..."
"But you want to go out with me now?" Rodney stepped in.
"If you wa-" John began, but Rodney interrupted him.
"That wasn't what I asked. Do you want to go out with me?" Rodney asked.
John swallowed. "Yes."
"Was that so hard?" Rodney asked.
"Yes," John said.
Rodney snorted. Getting John to reveal what he wanted was going to be a challenge. And it probably wouldn't be the only one. During all the years of friendship, he'd never really considered this. Which seemed stupid in hindsight, because it wasn't as if Rodney hadn't recognized how attractive John was. He'd just never thought that John would be interested in a relationship period, let alone something with Rodney who wasn't exactly easy to be with if his ex-girlfriends had anything to say about it. Which they hadn't fortunately. "So we're trying this?" Rodney asked.
"Yes," John confirmed.
"And if it happens to work out..." Rodney began.
"I can't promise that I'll grow old, but if I do and you happen to do too, we could...you know, do it together," John said.
Which was practically a wedding vow coming from John Sheppard. Rodney was kind of speechless.
"Rodney?" John asked eventually.
Rodney broke into a wide smile. He started feeling all kinds of good in the general area of his chest and stomach.
John smiled shyly at him.
"I can't wait for our first kiss," Rodney said apropos of nothing, making John flush. And actually it wasn't true. He was looking forward to waiting just a bit more. "Where's your beer?"
John grinned.