Challenge #169 fic: Teaching a lesson. PG. John/Rodney.
Title: Teaching a lesson
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: PG
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) None of the standard warnings apply
Spoilers: vague season 3 for characters
Word count: 2806
Summary: Harlequin AU: Rodney built the plane that killed John's friend Holland. When he doesn't even acknowledge this, John sets out to take revenge.
Note: Also available at AO3.
Teaching a lesson
"I know how badly you want it, but I've got seniority, so it'll be me. At least this time."
John thought about protesting again, but decided that Holland wasn't going to give in. "Next time then."
"Next time," Holland promised with a smile.
Half an hour later Holland was in the air taking the new fighter jet on its inaugural flight. John tried to imagine what it was like. He'd run some simulations, but it wouldn't be the same as the real thing. Nothing could beat feeling the power of such a beautiful machine in his whole body. John smiled longingly up at the air.
Until the jet exploded in mid-air.
John was frozen to the spot as people started running and yelling around him.
"No," the guy who'd designed the jet said a bit further away. The word echoed in John's mind. No. This couldn't be. He couldn't have lost his team leader and friend. Holland's family couldn't have lost their husband and father. "This wasn't supposed to happen," the designer continued. "The jet was in perfect condition. And look what's left of it now!"
That snapped John out of his stupor. He'd been staring at the empty sky where the remnants of the explosion had dissipated, but now his eyes locked on the man who was not only responsible for the death of Holland, but who didn't even seem to realize that something other than his damned jet was lost today. Something that could not simply be rebuilt.
He kept looking as the guy left, shouting about what they could salvage with no mention at all of the pilot who'd died.
~~
It should have been him.
John knew that he wasn't dealing well with Holland's death. It had been his own decision, but John couldn't help feeling that it should have been him. He wouldn't leave behind a wife and kids. He wasn't even on speaking terms with his family. Nobody would have missed him.
Helen and the kids were so brave, which just made it harder for John. They shouldn't have to deal with this. They should have been able to grow up with their husband and father at their side.
John knew that he shouldn't drink as much, but today was the day where they'd fly the rebuilt jet. He wouldn't be there this time. He'd left after the accident. He hadn't found a new job. He hadn't been able to move on.
The news showed clips of the accident and of McKay's speech. And today he held a new speech. John gripped his bottle hard, forcing himself not to throw it at the TV screen.
McKay talked about mistakes and learning from them. He talked about improving on the designs. When he proudly talked about the rebirth of his fighter jet, as if he had not only made up for his mistakes but made everything better, John switched off the TV.
McKay hadn't mentioned Holland once.
~~
John knew that he was becoming obsessed with McKay, but seeing him talk about rebirth of all things when a real human being had died who would never be reborn had broken something in him. He didn't have a plan. He wasn't going to torture McKay, though the idea was tempting. He simply started making inquiries and finding out what he could about the man. He wanted to know how someone who claimed to be so intelligent and who'd been left in charge of such an important project after such a devastating failure managed to be without any basic humanity.
John found out McKay had a sister he didn't seem to get a long with. For just a moment he considered kidnapping her or at least threatening her, just so that McKay would personally experience a loss and maybe wise up to what it felt like. But this wasn't the fault of McKay's sister and a part of John wondered if McKay would even care. Maybe he truly had no empathy at all.
John followed McKay around, getting a feeling for his daily routine. He still didn't know what he wanted to do with that information. But it seemed slightly more productive than sitting at home, drinking too much, and wallowing in self-pity and guilt.
It was only a single moment of distraction at a supermarket when John lost track of him. He went looking through the aisles when he suddenly walked almost into him.
McKay looked at him, ready to say something disparaging no doubt-John had witnessed his insults from afar more than once-when his eyes settled on John, running up and down in a quick unconscious motion.
John was surprised for a moment. He hadn't meant to run into McKay, and he certainly hadn't expected this. McKay wasn't leering at him or anything, but John could see the slight flush and how his lips were parted. McKay was attracted to him. John was disgusted that this was the first bit of emotion other than anger and pride that he'd seen in McKay. He was ready to show his disapproval in at least a look when suddenly he finally had an idea.
It was so simple. John had a crystal clear image of it in his mind: He stood at the altar with McKay and just as the priest asked if he really wanted to take McKay as his husband, John would turn to him and say, "No. I can't marry someone who is unable to think of another human being." He'd wanted to see humanity from McKay. He'd wanted to teach him what it meant to lose someone, and maybe this was his chance.
McKay was definitely interested in him. And John was good at this. He'd run undercover operations. It took him only a second to asses the situation and with a little step he managed that another person ran into McKay, pushing him close enough to John that he could steal his wallet.
~~
It was so easy. Taking the wallet had been a risk, but he had wanted to make it easier for him to get into McKay's place. He wasn't sure how McKay would have reacted when he propositioned him right at the supermarket. But a man so honest that he returned a found wallet to its owner?
McKay was suspicious at first, but when the wallet didn't miss anything and John displayed an unassuming charm, he invited John in.
After that the only suspicion came from McKay's cat, who hated John on sight.
McKay fell for him hook, line, and sinker, though. It went better than John could have dreamed. He didn't even have to fake much of his amusement. McKay was smart, funny, and very entertaining. For a second John wished they could have met under different circumstances, but then he remembered Holland and that however great McKay seemed, he lacked basic human decency.
John looked forward to the day he could break McKay's heart if it existed.
The sex between them was great. John had slept with people for undercover missions before, but it felt different this time. It was almost too easy to really get into it and enjoy it. He needed Rodney-McKay's first name-to believe that this was special, so he tried to make it special.
Sometimes it felt almost like the real thing, to laugh with Rodney, to touch him.
John realized a few things as they started to become serious. Rodney was impatient and rude, but he wasn't necessarily a misanthrope. He didn't go out of his way to insult or demean people who left him in peace. He gave decent tips, and John realized that he could be supportive of others if there was good reason-in that case a colleague of Rodney's that he obviously respected.
John began to genuinely like Rodney, but he still remembered the day Holland had died and Rodney's speech when he'd rebuilt the jet. Even if Rodney wasn't the monster that John had thought he was, he probably needed to learn that lesson.
Maybe they could have a fresh start afterwards.
~~
John still hadn't quite given up on the plan to leave Rodney at the altar when the storm came. They weren't engaged yet but things were going great between them. John didn't want to rush anything. Truthfully he didn't want to lose Rodney. He wasn't sure he would be able to win him back after teaching him his lesson on humanity. But he couldn't just give up on it either. He couldn't just pretend that he'd never seen Rodney's callousness.
John still visited Helen and her kids occasionally. They were doing well considering the circumstances. Helen had been glad to see John better. He hadn't known how bad he had gotten until she'd pointed it out and asked if he was seeing someone. It was then that he realized that he wouldn't be able to just keep quiet forever. Helen would know who Rodney was when they got married. And he didn't want to keep lying to both of them forever.
When the storm came, he watched the news until he heard about the family trapped on a little island off shore. It wasn't Helen and her kids, but it was close enough. John didn't like to admit it but a part of him still felt guilty for not being the one who'd died that day.
After he'd met Rodney, he'd bought a helicopter and started giving tours and flying lessons. They couldn't risk a rescue flight in this weather. It was too dangerous. But if John volunteered with his own helicopter, they wouldn't stop him. He knew that. The family would be dead if they stayed.
Rodney looked at him, knowing full well what this meant. John expected him to shout that he was insane, that this was suicide. It wasn't, though. He didn't want to die, because if he died the family would be dead too. But he knew that there was a risk it would happen.
John took Rodney's hands. Rodney's eyes were full of worry and love. So very human.
"I would have married you," John said, knowing that Rodney wouldn't understand the true meaning of his words, but he needed to say them in case he didn't come back. If only to acknowledge to himself that he had fallen in love with Rodney just like Rodney had fallen in love with him.
~~
It wasn't about being a hero. John turned down all requests for interviews after the successful rescue. He simply wanted to get home to Rodney.
When he got home to their place, Rodney sat on the couch in the living room, still as a statue. It was getting dark outside, and John turned on the light. Something was wrong with Rodney. He should have been happy that he was alive. Even if he'd heard it on the news no doubt. There was no reason for him to still be worried.
"Rodney?" John asked.
Rodney finally reacted, turning to look up at John. "They showed it on the news. They interviewed a woman named Helen Holland."
Oh.
"I wondered why you wouldn't tell me that you were there that day," Rodney went on tonelessly, his gaze at a faraway place. "You must have recognized me. And then I realized that it must have been on purpose. I remembered how we met. A found wallet is like the oldest trick in the world. I just... I don't understand why. At first I thought corporate espionage. That you wanted to get back at me by stealing my research, but I'm keeping close tabs on who's accessing my files and nobody has. Then I thought maybe you'd been waiting until my next project finishes, but that's months from now and if you just wanted to get it all at once, there'd be no point in living with me. You could have just stolen it one night."
John didn't say anything.
"So I wondered what on Earth you could want to do that requires you to become my partner. Not just a boyfriend, not just a bit of sex, but living with me, letting me rant when I need to, taking care of me when I'm sick. I just don't understand what you wanted to do. The only thing even remotely sensical was a very slow poisoning, but I'm in better health than I've ever been since I'm with you. You're good for me. You're..." He trailed off, finally looking at John again. "What did you want to do?"
John knew that the time for truth had come. "I wanted to show you what it's like to lose someone," he said.
Rodney frowned. "You were trying to fake your own death?" he asked.
"No," John corrected him. "I was going to break your heart. I was going to make you fall in love with me. And then I was going to leave you at the altar." He could still see that image in his head. Rodney looked almost like that image now.
Rodney dropped his gaze.
John didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. In a way he was glad that it was out now. He'd failed, but still...maybe Rodney had learned something from this. And maybe they could still have their fresh start at some point. It would probably take time, but he loved Rodney and wasn't willing to give him up without a fight. He wouldn't apologize, though. Despite everything, he didn't feel guilty about how they'd met and started their relationship. Rodney's complete disregard of Holland was something that would never go away, and John would never feel that it had been wrong to hate Rodney for that. He'd simply learned to love all the other things he'd learned about Rodney.
Rodney started to frown and looked up at John again. "You said-before you left today-you said you would have married me. I first thought you were trying to be romantic and let me know that you would have proposed, maybe that you'd even thought about it or planned it. But now...what did you mean?"
"I meant that I wasn't going to go through with my plan because...I've fallen in love with you," John said. He didn't expect Rodney to believe him.
Rodney looked at him for a long moment. Then he said, "I'm sorry."
John frowned. He wasn't quite sure what he meant. Was Rodney sorry that it ended this way? Or was he apologizing? And for what?
"I felt terrible that the pilot lost his life in the accident. I...know that it must have seemed different to you. But the truth is...I couldn't change anything about his death but I could make sure that it wouldn't happen again so I concentrated on that. I'm sorry that it seemed that I didn't realize what a loss it must have been. I'm not good at being comforting so I left that to others."
John felt like a weight was lifted off his chest. He'd only ever wanted that little bit of recognition from Rodney. He thought if Rodney would have at least mentioned Holland in his second speech, it never would have come to this. To see that Rodney cared, even if he couldn't express it, and even if he maybe didn't truly grasp the loss, was enough for John. It was all he'd ever wanted. "Thank you."
Rodney looked at him and got up from the couch. He came closer and John wasn't sure what to expect. It certainly wasn't for Rodney to suddenly drop down on his knees.
"You have to say yes," Rodney said. "You said you would have married me."
John's mouth opened but no sound came out.
"Will you marry me?" Rodney asked.
"You believe me?" John asked. "You're not afraid I'll still take revenge?"
Rodney got up again. "All afternoon I wondered why you would fake our whole relationship and how it could have felt so real. If you're lying there's nothing I can do about it. But if you tell the truth, this is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm not willing to throw it away. I love you, John. If you ever feel the need to break my heart, you can. It's yours to keep forever."
John didn't know what to say. He looked at the open love in Rodney's eyes and couldn't help but pull him into a kiss. "I don't want to ever break your heart," he confessed.
"Is that a yes?" Rodney asked.
John thought about that image in his head of the moment he had his revenge. "Yes," he said, finally imagining a different outcome.
He'd wanted to teach Rodney humanity by causing him pain. It would be much better to do it through happiness-both of theirs.
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: PG
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) None of the standard warnings apply
Spoilers: vague season 3 for characters
Word count: 2806
Summary: Harlequin AU: Rodney built the plane that killed John's friend Holland. When he doesn't even acknowledge this, John sets out to take revenge.
Note: Also available at AO3.
Teaching a lesson
"I know how badly you want it, but I've got seniority, so it'll be me. At least this time."
John thought about protesting again, but decided that Holland wasn't going to give in. "Next time then."
"Next time," Holland promised with a smile.
Half an hour later Holland was in the air taking the new fighter jet on its inaugural flight. John tried to imagine what it was like. He'd run some simulations, but it wouldn't be the same as the real thing. Nothing could beat feeling the power of such a beautiful machine in his whole body. John smiled longingly up at the air.
Until the jet exploded in mid-air.
John was frozen to the spot as people started running and yelling around him.
"No," the guy who'd designed the jet said a bit further away. The word echoed in John's mind. No. This couldn't be. He couldn't have lost his team leader and friend. Holland's family couldn't have lost their husband and father. "This wasn't supposed to happen," the designer continued. "The jet was in perfect condition. And look what's left of it now!"
That snapped John out of his stupor. He'd been staring at the empty sky where the remnants of the explosion had dissipated, but now his eyes locked on the man who was not only responsible for the death of Holland, but who didn't even seem to realize that something other than his damned jet was lost today. Something that could not simply be rebuilt.
He kept looking as the guy left, shouting about what they could salvage with no mention at all of the pilot who'd died.
~~
It should have been him.
John knew that he wasn't dealing well with Holland's death. It had been his own decision, but John couldn't help feeling that it should have been him. He wouldn't leave behind a wife and kids. He wasn't even on speaking terms with his family. Nobody would have missed him.
Helen and the kids were so brave, which just made it harder for John. They shouldn't have to deal with this. They should have been able to grow up with their husband and father at their side.
John knew that he shouldn't drink as much, but today was the day where they'd fly the rebuilt jet. He wouldn't be there this time. He'd left after the accident. He hadn't found a new job. He hadn't been able to move on.
The news showed clips of the accident and of McKay's speech. And today he held a new speech. John gripped his bottle hard, forcing himself not to throw it at the TV screen.
McKay talked about mistakes and learning from them. He talked about improving on the designs. When he proudly talked about the rebirth of his fighter jet, as if he had not only made up for his mistakes but made everything better, John switched off the TV.
McKay hadn't mentioned Holland once.
~~
John knew that he was becoming obsessed with McKay, but seeing him talk about rebirth of all things when a real human being had died who would never be reborn had broken something in him. He didn't have a plan. He wasn't going to torture McKay, though the idea was tempting. He simply started making inquiries and finding out what he could about the man. He wanted to know how someone who claimed to be so intelligent and who'd been left in charge of such an important project after such a devastating failure managed to be without any basic humanity.
John found out McKay had a sister he didn't seem to get a long with. For just a moment he considered kidnapping her or at least threatening her, just so that McKay would personally experience a loss and maybe wise up to what it felt like. But this wasn't the fault of McKay's sister and a part of John wondered if McKay would even care. Maybe he truly had no empathy at all.
John followed McKay around, getting a feeling for his daily routine. He still didn't know what he wanted to do with that information. But it seemed slightly more productive than sitting at home, drinking too much, and wallowing in self-pity and guilt.
It was only a single moment of distraction at a supermarket when John lost track of him. He went looking through the aisles when he suddenly walked almost into him.
McKay looked at him, ready to say something disparaging no doubt-John had witnessed his insults from afar more than once-when his eyes settled on John, running up and down in a quick unconscious motion.
John was surprised for a moment. He hadn't meant to run into McKay, and he certainly hadn't expected this. McKay wasn't leering at him or anything, but John could see the slight flush and how his lips were parted. McKay was attracted to him. John was disgusted that this was the first bit of emotion other than anger and pride that he'd seen in McKay. He was ready to show his disapproval in at least a look when suddenly he finally had an idea.
It was so simple. John had a crystal clear image of it in his mind: He stood at the altar with McKay and just as the priest asked if he really wanted to take McKay as his husband, John would turn to him and say, "No. I can't marry someone who is unable to think of another human being." He'd wanted to see humanity from McKay. He'd wanted to teach him what it meant to lose someone, and maybe this was his chance.
McKay was definitely interested in him. And John was good at this. He'd run undercover operations. It took him only a second to asses the situation and with a little step he managed that another person ran into McKay, pushing him close enough to John that he could steal his wallet.
~~
It was so easy. Taking the wallet had been a risk, but he had wanted to make it easier for him to get into McKay's place. He wasn't sure how McKay would have reacted when he propositioned him right at the supermarket. But a man so honest that he returned a found wallet to its owner?
McKay was suspicious at first, but when the wallet didn't miss anything and John displayed an unassuming charm, he invited John in.
After that the only suspicion came from McKay's cat, who hated John on sight.
McKay fell for him hook, line, and sinker, though. It went better than John could have dreamed. He didn't even have to fake much of his amusement. McKay was smart, funny, and very entertaining. For a second John wished they could have met under different circumstances, but then he remembered Holland and that however great McKay seemed, he lacked basic human decency.
John looked forward to the day he could break McKay's heart if it existed.
The sex between them was great. John had slept with people for undercover missions before, but it felt different this time. It was almost too easy to really get into it and enjoy it. He needed Rodney-McKay's first name-to believe that this was special, so he tried to make it special.
Sometimes it felt almost like the real thing, to laugh with Rodney, to touch him.
John realized a few things as they started to become serious. Rodney was impatient and rude, but he wasn't necessarily a misanthrope. He didn't go out of his way to insult or demean people who left him in peace. He gave decent tips, and John realized that he could be supportive of others if there was good reason-in that case a colleague of Rodney's that he obviously respected.
John began to genuinely like Rodney, but he still remembered the day Holland had died and Rodney's speech when he'd rebuilt the jet. Even if Rodney wasn't the monster that John had thought he was, he probably needed to learn that lesson.
Maybe they could have a fresh start afterwards.
~~
John still hadn't quite given up on the plan to leave Rodney at the altar when the storm came. They weren't engaged yet but things were going great between them. John didn't want to rush anything. Truthfully he didn't want to lose Rodney. He wasn't sure he would be able to win him back after teaching him his lesson on humanity. But he couldn't just give up on it either. He couldn't just pretend that he'd never seen Rodney's callousness.
John still visited Helen and her kids occasionally. They were doing well considering the circumstances. Helen had been glad to see John better. He hadn't known how bad he had gotten until she'd pointed it out and asked if he was seeing someone. It was then that he realized that he wouldn't be able to just keep quiet forever. Helen would know who Rodney was when they got married. And he didn't want to keep lying to both of them forever.
When the storm came, he watched the news until he heard about the family trapped on a little island off shore. It wasn't Helen and her kids, but it was close enough. John didn't like to admit it but a part of him still felt guilty for not being the one who'd died that day.
After he'd met Rodney, he'd bought a helicopter and started giving tours and flying lessons. They couldn't risk a rescue flight in this weather. It was too dangerous. But if John volunteered with his own helicopter, they wouldn't stop him. He knew that. The family would be dead if they stayed.
Rodney looked at him, knowing full well what this meant. John expected him to shout that he was insane, that this was suicide. It wasn't, though. He didn't want to die, because if he died the family would be dead too. But he knew that there was a risk it would happen.
John took Rodney's hands. Rodney's eyes were full of worry and love. So very human.
"I would have married you," John said, knowing that Rodney wouldn't understand the true meaning of his words, but he needed to say them in case he didn't come back. If only to acknowledge to himself that he had fallen in love with Rodney just like Rodney had fallen in love with him.
~~
It wasn't about being a hero. John turned down all requests for interviews after the successful rescue. He simply wanted to get home to Rodney.
When he got home to their place, Rodney sat on the couch in the living room, still as a statue. It was getting dark outside, and John turned on the light. Something was wrong with Rodney. He should have been happy that he was alive. Even if he'd heard it on the news no doubt. There was no reason for him to still be worried.
"Rodney?" John asked.
Rodney finally reacted, turning to look up at John. "They showed it on the news. They interviewed a woman named Helen Holland."
Oh.
"I wondered why you wouldn't tell me that you were there that day," Rodney went on tonelessly, his gaze at a faraway place. "You must have recognized me. And then I realized that it must have been on purpose. I remembered how we met. A found wallet is like the oldest trick in the world. I just... I don't understand why. At first I thought corporate espionage. That you wanted to get back at me by stealing my research, but I'm keeping close tabs on who's accessing my files and nobody has. Then I thought maybe you'd been waiting until my next project finishes, but that's months from now and if you just wanted to get it all at once, there'd be no point in living with me. You could have just stolen it one night."
John didn't say anything.
"So I wondered what on Earth you could want to do that requires you to become my partner. Not just a boyfriend, not just a bit of sex, but living with me, letting me rant when I need to, taking care of me when I'm sick. I just don't understand what you wanted to do. The only thing even remotely sensical was a very slow poisoning, but I'm in better health than I've ever been since I'm with you. You're good for me. You're..." He trailed off, finally looking at John again. "What did you want to do?"
John knew that the time for truth had come. "I wanted to show you what it's like to lose someone," he said.
Rodney frowned. "You were trying to fake your own death?" he asked.
"No," John corrected him. "I was going to break your heart. I was going to make you fall in love with me. And then I was going to leave you at the altar." He could still see that image in his head. Rodney looked almost like that image now.
Rodney dropped his gaze.
John didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. In a way he was glad that it was out now. He'd failed, but still...maybe Rodney had learned something from this. And maybe they could still have their fresh start at some point. It would probably take time, but he loved Rodney and wasn't willing to give him up without a fight. He wouldn't apologize, though. Despite everything, he didn't feel guilty about how they'd met and started their relationship. Rodney's complete disregard of Holland was something that would never go away, and John would never feel that it had been wrong to hate Rodney for that. He'd simply learned to love all the other things he'd learned about Rodney.
Rodney started to frown and looked up at John again. "You said-before you left today-you said you would have married me. I first thought you were trying to be romantic and let me know that you would have proposed, maybe that you'd even thought about it or planned it. But now...what did you mean?"
"I meant that I wasn't going to go through with my plan because...I've fallen in love with you," John said. He didn't expect Rodney to believe him.
Rodney looked at him for a long moment. Then he said, "I'm sorry."
John frowned. He wasn't quite sure what he meant. Was Rodney sorry that it ended this way? Or was he apologizing? And for what?
"I felt terrible that the pilot lost his life in the accident. I...know that it must have seemed different to you. But the truth is...I couldn't change anything about his death but I could make sure that it wouldn't happen again so I concentrated on that. I'm sorry that it seemed that I didn't realize what a loss it must have been. I'm not good at being comforting so I left that to others."
John felt like a weight was lifted off his chest. He'd only ever wanted that little bit of recognition from Rodney. He thought if Rodney would have at least mentioned Holland in his second speech, it never would have come to this. To see that Rodney cared, even if he couldn't express it, and even if he maybe didn't truly grasp the loss, was enough for John. It was all he'd ever wanted. "Thank you."
Rodney looked at him and got up from the couch. He came closer and John wasn't sure what to expect. It certainly wasn't for Rodney to suddenly drop down on his knees.
"You have to say yes," Rodney said. "You said you would have married me."
John's mouth opened but no sound came out.
"Will you marry me?" Rodney asked.
"You believe me?" John asked. "You're not afraid I'll still take revenge?"
Rodney got up again. "All afternoon I wondered why you would fake our whole relationship and how it could have felt so real. If you're lying there's nothing I can do about it. But if you tell the truth, this is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm not willing to throw it away. I love you, John. If you ever feel the need to break my heart, you can. It's yours to keep forever."
John didn't know what to say. He looked at the open love in Rodney's eyes and couldn't help but pull him into a kiss. "I don't want to ever break your heart," he confessed.
"Is that a yes?" Rodney asked.
John thought about that image in his head of the moment he had his revenge. "Yes," he said, finally imagining a different outcome.
He'd wanted to teach Rodney humanity by causing him pain. It would be much better to do it through happiness-both of theirs.